Independence is priceless

Recently, Zyon has been showing signs that he is a big boy. 

Making decisions like when he wants to shower, what he wants from the fridge. 

Cleanliness has always been quite systematic for Zyon at home. More like when is it time to shower was originally decided by the adults, me when I'm at home. All i had to do was watch the time and tell him "Zyon, its time to shower! Grab your towel!!" And you will see my baby no matter what he is doing at that time or which part of the house he happens to be in, running to grab his towel and head towards the toilet. 

But now, without anyone saying anything, he walks straight to the toilet, takes off all his clothes and close the door. Before you know it, the sound of splashing water comes on. Not just because he feels warm, but basically I'm guessing it's because of his own personal hygiene. Why do i say this? Because even if he just showered half an hour ago, he would still proceed to shower again if he went to poop. 

Honestly speaking, i feel so proud of him. Its like he is beginning to grab hold of the fact that he has a choice. That he can make choices. Even if it is as simple as deciding himself when he wants to take a shower. Of course the crazy old ladies at home made it seem like its another troublesome issue/ phase Zyon is having because although he knows that he wants a shower but technically he is not able to shower himself just yet, hence it is something that requires assistance from the adults. They just thought he was being "naughty" and troublesome. 

If you have been following my blog you should know that I'm a mother that doesn't very much constrict my children. So i told Zyon what he did was right and I'm so very proud of him. Irregardless of whether it is troublesome or not, in my point of view, my son is showing signs of independence! 

I Cant be More PROUD!!

I held onto him, hugged him tight and look at his face to get his attention, and i told him,

"Mommy is so proud of you! Well done! You are a big boy now :)! Well done!!!"

His reaction to me, though short but sweet. He looked at me with eye contact, smiled then ran off to his books. 

Although I'm not exactly supported by family members who thinks i "condone" my son to doing whatever he wants and likes and i drown him in love. But really, is it? 

I do not deny that i do give him what he wants but it also depends on what exactly is it that he wants! Though not many people don't think in that way. 

Today in this society, many parents are more concerned with adherence to social convention than the progress their children are making. And i do not support that. 

YES, we all want our children to be "normal" like all the other children you see. But honestly what exactly is "normal"? How do you define normal? Doing the same things like everyone is doing? 

Mr A sleeps at 9 am and wakes up at 9pm, seeing this, Mr B does the same thing. Then came Mr C, D,E,F,G etc etc. Then are we to conclude that sleep time from 9am to 9 pm is the "normal"? Thats rubbish. I know the earth doesn't just belong to 1 person. I know the society is created and works in a way that it is able to accommodate to everyone from all over the world. But really? Do i want to follow suit just so i may be accepted as part of the society? That is my only way? To prove my worth in existing? 

Reluctantly and very Sadly, yes.

But i still want to make a difference. Because sometimes i do believe strongly that "you could still want something that is very unlikely to happen, happen". 

I can't change the world, i don't want to. Im not a saint neither can i force anyone to do anything just because i think it is right.  Because everybody in the world speaks their own kind of language, live by their own rules. 

But at least i can make a difference for my son. Im building his foundation. I am preparing his future. I believe in building the right foundation, come rain or shine, he will never fall. 

Autism isn't a fault. Its a variant. it's potentially a major advantage. It is associated with organisation, focus, innovative thinking and rational detachment. Isn't all these points what we all aim to achieve? what we all strive so hard everyday to achieve? 

But my son already achieved it. He is only 6. And he will only be much more evolved than his peers. The world is too slow for Autism. 

Don't ever be happy because you are normal. Normal is nothing. Whether or not you are able to do something or achieve something in your life makes no difference to anyone. Whether or not you exist, the earth still spins. 

But Autism, they take in every single bit of this world and create using all of it. This is something us "normal" people can't do. 

don't you think? 

"Mummy, life is not how u live"

Rushed home last night after work to spend some time with the kidlets.. The moment i opened the door screams of "mummy"!! came and zyon smiled, the widest smile :) Sometimes it just makes me feel stress free just looking at their smiles.. nothing beats the smiles of the people you love..

Being mummy is hard and honestly, im not the perfect kind of mummy. Friends asks me, do i regret having the kidlets. My answer ? Yeah. In a way.

Had i known bringing zyon to this world would make him go through the ugly side of how humanity has created the "society" i would never have my baby. Humanity, comes with a huge load of irony and contradictions. That makes it hard to live. To live is not difficult, whats difficult is the process of living. Me alone is not able to make a difference on how to make the environment better enough for the benefit of my child, or rather children with special needs. Everyone is working on their children based on their own way of living, their own thots. Getting people to know about Autism and other special needs, more has to be done.

Some parents are wat we call "normal" family. No thots, only try to create the "model" family that everyone looks, envies and agrees. Have breakfast in the morning, sends the kids to school, have dinner together, supervise homeworks, send kids to extra curriculum lessons, etiquette teachings, family day on sunday with pancakes on the tables. Why pancakes? no idea, basically everyone with "classy modern thinking" must have pancakes with bacon and eggs with milk and juice plus coffee with daddy reading his papers and the kids having cereals and mum by the stove waiting to make more pancakes. Just like the movies.
Some, based on how they were brought up and carry on the vicious cycle of the values and teaching they have received from their parents. Putting in on their children, thinking that "this" is then the right kind of teaching they should receive not realizing the next generation will just be like them. Makes them  more like family maybe? Apparently these people thinks that they are "normal"but not quite there yet.
Some just wants to make a difference. Tries to give their children what they didnt have to begin with and end up getting lost somewhere because they do not have the slightest idea what to really do.

Which kind are you?

Im thinking i belong to the 3rd kind. Tried to make a difference and end up getting lost somewhere. Honestly , lets face it. NOBODY can make perfect parenting. But this is not a bad thing mainly because such is life sometimes. Life needs people of all kinds to create a certain balance. Its only when there is peace and equality, something is then wrong.

its only nobody wants to be at the bottom of the human class.

Its this kind of "society" makes me panic and wake up in the middle of the night thinking what am i going to do next. Im having a race with time, at the rate zyon is growing up day by day..
The ignorance level of autism is nearly zero in the "society" that i live in, and yes its affecting me. Its affecting my son. - Thats wat i thought.

However i have come to realise, i maybe wrong. It is affecting me somehow, but zyon is living his life stronger than me. I admire my child.
He views the world in his own way, handles his stress in his own way even though not being understood by the people around him. People we see as important, friends and family. He faces this world technically by himself. And he is only 5. He thinks and acts straight forwardly, doesnt think about embarrassment, isnt afraid to have no friends, does what he feels like doing, focus on what interests him, have no issues with time, not caring on how to make others happy so he is liked and not being disliked.

Isnt this all what we all really want but yet we cant do it?

My son is 5, and he is stronger than the people around him.

I admire my son's way of life, i salute his thinking towards life. I thought as a mother i should be teaching him about the world. But no, my son is teaching me about life.

H.A.P.P.Y - Happy!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi all, yep yep i havent been really updating for a month now i guess. Work is really busy and adding on to Zyon's been going to SPD for his therapies, me and the husband's been rushing here and there bringing the kids to and fro... blah blah blah...

ok, calm down. Breathe.

ok lets start over.

First i would like to say " YAY"!!!!!!!!!!!! why? Cos Zyon's been spelling the word "H A P P Y" happy!!!
I was SOOOOOOOOO Proud. Hey hey not that im not proud on normal days but i was so proud of my baby!!! I dont know if you can understand how it feels but lets just put it in this way, Zyon was still non verbal beggining of the year. And now he can spell???!!!! How cool is my boy??? LOL!!!

Alright, i know i know but hey haha let me just shoutout cos this aint such an easy task for him to accomplish! Or.... maybe he will start surprising me by accomplishing tasks that seemed impossible!! Haha im so EXCITED already!!!

Zyon's been really busy now attending preschool on weekdays and extra lessons for therapies in SPD every mondays and wednesdays after school from 3.30pm to 5pm. Looking at him being tired sometimes breaks my heart but i dont have a choice since im not able to choose the timing he has for his lessons. So every week he has two days to be in SPD and these 2 days zonya will have to go over to my aunt's place and wait for me to pick her up after work. Travel for another hour before we finally get home at 9pm. whoo.... Its really exhausting after a while.

Though tough, but we are all in this together! This feels family. The husband has to bring the kids, one to school, the other to my aunt's house then go back to school to pick up zyon. Bring him home, have lunch, shower then get dressed and head out for lessons at SPD, get dinner then head home. For me, i will have to just take an hour long journey after work and pick up zonya at my aunt's then head home in another hour's journey. Zyon has to go to school, travel here and there and get to another lesson and zonya had to travel so far, spend a whole day in another's house just waiting for mummy to get her by the end of the day to finally go home. Everyone is in this together.

To think of it this way, we are all working hard and contributing as well as sacrificing for things to work.

Sometimes i just feel thankful.

Alright, me and the husband is not exactly in good terms. But we give our best at parenting. We try.
Lets not even get me started on talking about our relationship. Lets just say we would be better as friends.

okok!! i will try to update more soon!! gotta run now since im using office hours to blog this lol.

laters!!

zoo then the croods!!!

Brought the kids to the zoo again!!! And this time round, we had the best time spent!!! Money well spent too!!! LOL

Went on a saturday and it sure was crowded (wow..) and the first station was the otters. Zyon stared at them like they were giant rats!!

"eeeeeeeee" was what he said. LOL

Then we went to see the white tigers, they were just lying down and not moving. My kids were like

"Roar roar roar"

But the big cats couldnt be bothered at all. Then we went to Kid'sworld and saw the small horses, rabbits and goats!!! We could actually feed the goats and so i pulled some leaves and started feeding the goats. Zyon and zonya was screaming the whole time cos the goats were really aggressive!! Then finally after much persuasion from the father and me, they plucked up whatever courage they had and tried to feed the hungry animals (while screaming).  After a while, they simply just enjoyed the process and decided they were just gonna feed the "hungry" goats all day... (-_-"')

After feeding, the goats were OS-ing in their hearts "these 2 little people have endless food to offer".

Anyways, we had to pull zyon and zonya away cos apparently "feeding" seems so fun they were there feeding for almost 45 mins!!!!! Man, the weather was a killer!! And i had to constantly pluck leaves just so my kids can feed my 10 mins worth of leaves in 5 seconds. *faints*

We were walking to our next stop and we saw the "Ah Meng's Restaurant" so i decided ok, its time to feed me and my family. So i got The father and the kids to sit down at the table while i go get the food. There were not much stalls in the food court, so i went straight to the chicken rice stall and ordered. 1 plate of chicken rice was 9.50. ('',) What the............. Well even though i really thought that the food was def not worth the money but we didnt have a choice. Either that or nothing. While eating, i told myself the next time im coming, i will pack food.

Continued our journey after lunch and dropped by the elephant's station. Usually the kids get really excited about the elephants so we were excited to show them the elephants. But when they saw the real deal, the word excitement didnt come out on their faces. Their faces were painted with the word "panick". LOL.

I couldnt stop laughing at their reaction, just staring blankly at the huge animal and not blinking at all. Then zonya said,

"(s)cared"

Lol, i said "dont have to be afraid la silly girl, its just an elephant!!" *making the trumpeting sound*

*zyon started making the trumpeting sound as well"

We stayed like a good whole 10 mins there then continued on to see other animals.

Having been to the zoo for so many times, this was the first time both my kids were wide awake and totally participating in "wow-ing, awe-ing" , didnt rain and no tantrums. It was really a good day for us. Now im so excited in wanting to organise trips like that every weekend.. haha .... im loving life!!!! When we were about to return to the exit, i got us all ice creams cos it was a really hot day, zonya and zyon each had one. The father then wanted to take out the wrapper of the ice cream for zonya but she mistook his actions thinking he was going to snatch her ice cream away and she started screaming. Even though the real deal was still in her hands, her eyes were on the wrapper and when the father took the wrapper she kept thinking it was her ice cream so she couldnt stop screaming. Seeing this the father returned the wrapper to her and when she took it back she stared at the paper and open her eyes wide and started screaming cos the ice cream wasnt in there!!! (duh~ the ice cream was in her hand the whole time) So she got mad and threw the wrapper on the floor and shake her head until we pushed her hand to show her the ice cream was there. Then in a second , she stopped and started eating. What a drama queen. Zyon was really sweet, we brought along the stroller just in case one of them decides they wanna sleep so we have something to back us up, he was quietly eating his ice cream and sharing it with me every now and then. Then he decided that its wet and sticky so he gave me the ice cream, sat in the stroller and pulled for my hand to feed him. What a clever boy dont need to dirty his own hands eh... I fed him till we both finished the magnum and he went "yay yay yay yay yay!!!" LOL

By the time we reached the exit, both of them fell asleep. ha........ seeing them sleeping after a long day, i was glad i brought them to the zoo.

When we finally got out of the zoo and headed back towards home me and the father were drained... tired to the max and sticky as well. We got home and it was almost time for dinner, so we decided since it was such a great day why not end it in a great way? We decided to bring the kids for dinner then to the movies.

Out we went , had a quick dinner and bought tics to "The croods"!!

When we were seated, they were thinking what was this place and when the screen started showing commercials they were both staring like,

"wow... what a BIG tv!!!!"

So very smoothly (thank goodness) we finished the movie!!!! And they loved the show!!! Apparently its really colorful and lotsa action!!

Tired but fruitful day!!! cant wait for another outing on weekends !

Mommy is JEALOUS. Hmph.

Hey all!! As you can see my title, yep mommy is jealous. IM REALLY...... jealous... lol ...

Like i mentioned previously, now that im working and the father is a SAHD. Before we decided on this, i was really stressed to the max. Because to be honest, like many other mothers out there, for the kids to be with daddy???? Just seeing these seven words makes me feel like im watching a horror movie. I dont know how they are gonna spend the day, new bruises (signs of falling and knocks) and bumps will show cause daddies are just not as careful as mommies (which is a horrible fact). Another issue would be, im not there to witness the 1st of the other little things that they do... and it sucks. I witnessed their first steps, fed them their first foods, sent them to school on their first day etc etc, now that im working, i wont be able to be the first anymore..

So you see, there are so many things i have to think about and it really made me feel so worried!! if worries have mass, i think i will weigh a ton now.. tsk.

However, in my previous post, it seems the father is really doing a good job right? The kids are having a great time every single day playing in the playground that has somehow become a routine in their daily life. Its not that i dont bring them when i was a SAHM but because zyon is at an age and in a condition whereby he doesnt really understand fear and danger. So he tends to climb, jump ,run and do stunts that would make any mothers in the world scream in fear. And zonya is barely 2, sometimes i see her running, its like she's gonna fall any minute so for her to play the playground??? i must be crazy. Hence we seldom will go to the playground because i just dont have the confidence to make sure they wont fall or hurt themselves.

Let go.

I know i have to let go and let them learn how to play and train their motor skills but you know mothers, we tend to be really timid when it comes to kids having a chance that they might get hurt. Even if its 0.01% chance. So to me going to a playground with 2 young kids and myself is defintely a NO NO NO. But the father, he doesnt care.

Daddies are all about being adventurous. Daddies are all about letting them run like a horse that has just been freed. Daddies are all about, "huh? fall? wont la.. im watching them" and yes its true , all he ever does is "watch them" but not near, so when they fall, he "watch them" fall but cant get in time to catch them. To me is... WT...............

okok, im mean to make it sound like as though daddies really dont care. Let me put it in another way. Its not that he doesnt care, its just that daddies are not as :scaredy cat" as mommies. There does it sound better? Daddy thinks "you fell? pick yourself up la, it doesnt matter" so long they dont break any bones. Well , ok la to be fair, infact this helps alot. The kids learn faster. I cant agree more on its a really good way to raising healthy happy children. Not only in terms of physically, daddy talks like how a daddy should talk and not like me.. mommy is always a clown so the kids never takes me seriously even though im hopping mad. hm......

All the worries that i had previously was actually unnecessary. My kids didnt have any separation anxiety and still doesnt have now, they wave and kiss me good bye when i leave for work. you must be thinking what good and nice kids i have right? but i feel so hurt.

THEY CANT BE BOTHERED WHETHER OR NOT IM AT HOME LOR!!!!!

lol...

Nah, the fact is they are really having fun everyday la so im happy.

But hey, ya... IM SO JEALOUS!! daddy is so much more fun than me. plah!!!!!

a blog to share

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/mrbrown/turning-twelve-090136439.html#more-id


The above link is to a blog from mrbrown. I teared when i read this post, not becos its sad but its so so beautiful..... read it!!!!!

A switch of roles

I feel kindda guilty everytime i post a new post cos i get reminded that i havent been posting for quite some time. Haha. For those readers of my blog wanting to know how is zyon now , he is well n making progress!!!!! Lol

Ok, again let me just update abt whats been going on.... #^_^

After being a SAHM for almost 4 yrs, i hereby announce that im back in the workforce!!! When u read till here, u must be thinking "oh no, she gave up".
No no.... i didnt give up... i switched my role with the father. He is a SAHD now #^_^.
Okok i know what you must be thinking now.. "man with 2 kids??" Hahaha !!!! NO WORRIES. Hes been doing that for the past 1 week and i can vouch, he is the Good house father. His daily routine has been driving zy to school then me to work, off to the market with zonya , prepare lunch ,bathe zonya, pick zyon up , have lunch sometimes at the garden he just "found" if not then at home, bathe zyon , read books or do some art or writing , then they take their nap while he cleans the house, prepare dinner, bring the kids to their daily outdoor playground fun then pick me up to go home.

This is why i can go back into the workforce with peace...

But i do miss my kids.... ya... i have separation anxiety.....

As for zy, he is making alot of progress in terms of speech. He can say things like dog when he sees one, and says ow or oh oh when he falls and just the other day when my mum came back from overseas he ran to her n called "po po"!!! Fo those who dont know wat po po means, it means grandmother in chinese. We were all shocked and praised him so much! and maybe becos i have been going to work, everyday when he comes to pick me up in his daddy's car, he gets thrilled and SUPER excited to see me!!!! Never fails to make me feel so loved..... sigh my baby boy, i love u soooooooo much....