the "all-so-familiar" ache in my heart

Just when i thought things were looking good and progressing, i havent worried so much and forgotten about my pain, i saw zyon doing something that brought tears back to me.

He was at my mum's dressing table, where there are bottles and bottles of skincare, lining them up nicely side by side.... i was so down when i saw him doing that.... for that was the first sign of his autism that i knew of when he was barely 2.. and recently he started having an issue with the lift at our storey. He must make sure the lift door closes before he head home or on our way out.

Zyon was never about routines even when i knew about his condition. He was different. No routines was set up by him or whatsoever. But suddenly he decided to claim the "lift" as his territory.

the door must be closed

 

 

Its times like this i feel i cant wait to send him for his early intervention, but i have to wait because the center hasnt contacted me yet for anything... waiting is something that i hate.....

 

Then i brought him out to the bookstore, he threw a huge tantrum cos he was tired. He laid on the floor and cried so hard that everyone in the store turned to look at him, because i was paying at the cashier, i just walked over and held out my hand, he took it and stood up then stopped. People were behind me "oohhing and aahhing" , then i turned and look at them, they gave me a weird look and i just walked away.

 

 To me is you dont know me, you dont know my son, dont give us judgmental stares. Save them for your own family members. Thank you.

 

 

 

 



bye 2012... hi 2013!

We've been back for awhile now and even though bringing 2 kids out all by myself is difficult,  i have to do it. I cant be locking ourselves up in the house 24/7 right? So i brought the kids to take the public transport! It was really fun and because zyon is 3 yrs old now i wasnt sure if he needed to pay his fare for the transport so i brought him to enquire. The station officer was telling me to measure his height by the little cardboard stand to see if he is over 0.9m, and if he is, then yes he will have to get an ezlink card! Of course zyon is over 0.9m!!!!

Its SOOOOOO CUTE!!! I know its abit over hahaha but my son has his own ezlink card makes me so happy!!! he is all grown up! And his fare was 35cents!! LOL

Taking the MRT was really a new experience for them cos we usually drive and the other alternative was just the taxi. Now that they get a chance to try the public transport, they were super excited!

Now that 2012 is almost coming to an end, 2013 is just around the corner. Now i am really just looking forward to him going to his new school and new environment. Im not sure how well he can adapt but im hoping for the best!!! 

Got zyon a new schoolbag. Because his new school is about half an hour walk from our house so i thought that hey maybe we could walk to school every morning as a for of exercise? And we can "talk" along the way, so a good backpack with good back support is important for my growing child :) okok this only applies to me, so it doesnt mean im asking parents who are reading this to get it ok? haha its just me. lol


These days i have been really caught up with the kids and the stuffs that we need so i havent really been blogging, but i will update soon about progress and other issues!!

we are going to the zoo zoo zoo, how about u?

Its only been days since we've moved back, and we thought of bringing the kids to the place where all kids will 'woo' and 'wah'. The Zoo!

Ok it all began when my mom and i brought the kids out for a walk and do a little shopping at the heartland malls, then we passed by this shop selling stuffed animals. Its the kind u will find in the shops selling in the Zoo. Looked really real...

Zyon and zonya stood outside the shop for the longest time refusing to leave and seeing them getting so excited about these 'fake' animals, mom and i decided we should just go to the zoo! They will be even happier! So we rushed home in a taxi and got ready all that we need, off we go to the Zoo.

When we arrived, mom thought maybe we should grab a bite first before going in, so we stopped for KFC outside and was munching halfway, the rain started to pour... i mean really POUR. We were disappointed that we rushed and came all the way only to eat KFC..... then go home. Stupid right? Then mom said "lets not waste the trp, we'll just go in and see how it goes, maybe the rain might stop". So we bought the tickets and went in. Because iit was raining so we just went into the shop first to let the kids see the different stuffed toy animals. Zyon was so excited!!!! Walking here and there, taking one stuffed animal and walking to another, thinking which is better, put one back and take a new one over and over again. Suddenly, the exit of the shop was filled with people wearing yellow, orange and green. I was thinking 'huh why?' Then i realised 'oh.... its raincoats... selling in the shop for visitors to proceed their little adventures in the zoo with their kids'. ...Me and mom then went over and got the raincoats as well. Zonya fell asleep in my toddler carrier so we shared one raincoat, mom got one and my little zyzy got one kids size too!!!! SO CUTE..... When we put on the raincoat for zyzy.... he started screaming. Tears were rolling down his little cheeks and he cried and cried!! I started laughing! Laughing out loud becos he was just TOO CUTE! He didnt like the raincoat and he's never went into the rain before so he was uncomfortable until i showed him that 'look baby, everyone is wearing the same thing'! He stopped. He started looking around and we proceeded to look at the animals. Because the raincoat was quite hard and stiff in material, zyzy started walking around like a scarecrow! CUTE TO THE MAX! We started laughing at how cute he was and he started thinking everything was ok. Soon he was too busy looking at the animals around.

Soon Zonya was up too and we were at the baboons area, both kids were so excited sticking their face onto the glass pane and saying "woo woo ahh ahh" me and mum laughed so hard!! It was so funny! We then went to the rest area cos the rain just wont stop and decided forget it , lets just go home. The raincoat was making us warm and sweaty and the rain just wont stop, without any form of breeze the humidity was a silent killer!! We slowly walked back out, now me carrying zyon because he was so tired after walking so much and mum carried zonya. We were 'half dead" by the time we reached the exit!! Then we saw that u could actually rent a stroller for the kids! Mum was like "we are so stupid" and laughed.

Waited for the taxi and went home, the kids were too tired and went snoring away... It was a fun experience even though we didnt really went round the zoo.....

Know what? I WILL DO IT AGAIN. ROTFL!!!!!

tsk, so rude.

hey there! Just moved house and currently still trying to settle down hence havent been blogging for like the longest time....

ok, the reason why we moved was because zyon has to go for therapies and early intervention programs so we decided to relocate back and move in with my mother first. Getting a house now is quite impossible because of the fnances thats gonna incur.. so here we are living in my mother's house and trying very hard to stay by her rules.... plah!

The other day, i attended a workshop put together by the hospital for us parents, it was a 4 and a half hour workshop. I felt...... at the end of the day was a waste of time. Im really happy that a workshop was organized for us parents to know more about the early intervention programs and stuffs but what the people were saying to us were really just written on the notes that  they handed out. Its like reading out to me what is written on the notes thats all. I mean before they were saying anything i have already read the notes and understooded the steps. So is like "hey the notes is really useful and provided lots of information for me. Thanks ah!!!" but the reading out was.... "its ok, i can read. thanks" So i was more looking forward to the parent support section which is supposed to be held as the last segment.

I was early when i reached, I guess i was about half an hour earlier. Mainly becos i have no idea where the exact location of the seminar room was so i thought maybe going there earlier will give me ample time to find the seminar room and not be late for the workshop. And yep i was the first to be there.

Gradually more and more seats were filled up. A lady then came in and brought along her 70 yrs old looking mother and 16/17 years old looking son and daughter. The social workers looked like they were also embarrassed about asking her why she brought her 'whole' family... And you know whats worse? There werent even enough seats for the other parents who came alone or just with their spouse!!!! Tsk.... rude right? Never mind, the worse thing was the seminar was supposed to start at 1.45pm sharp, and people were as late as 2.15pm!!!!! The social workers then had to apologize to us (the people who came early or on time). I was thinking the people who should really apologize are the late comers isnt it? So rude! walked in even though they were late, not a smile, no apologies, and their expression was like "what?" like as though we owed them and is wasting their time. I especially hate people with such attitude. The clock ticked and at 2.30pm, the social workers decided to start the workshop and proceed although there were 3 more couples that were supposed to be there.  They handed out the notes and stuffs and started explaining the procedures, what is next , who would call how should we choose etc etc.. Ok, all the information was already on the hand out. "Thanks for reading it out to me". I then asked a question and they refered me to the relevant page in the handout with the answer to my question printed on it. "so sorry i must be blind" .

3pm!!!!!!!!! another couple stepped in!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE....... why is people so rude? or they cant tell the time? no 'sorries', no smile!!!!! OMG!!!!!! NO MANNERS.

Anyways and so it continued..... until 3.30pm there was a break for half an hour, 'to be back at 4' they say. I went to the ladies, grabbed a sandwich cos  was practically on the verge of fainting due to starvation!!!!! pplah! And made it back on time at 3.55pm. Abit more reading on the information here and there, questions like "anymore questions?" The room was quiet, nobody said anything, i looked around, nobody was shaking their heads either, for the whole session, 1 father sitting in front of me was playing with his iphone the entire session, (i didnt mean to look over but there he was just right infront facing me) another behind me playing his iphone too the entire time (i know becos while waiting for them to set up com and answering other ppl's questions or break time i look around and there it is. That iphone man behind me) I was appalled. It was like "hey, this is about your child's future, how can u ignore whatever information there is or have the tendency to at least respect the speaker as a human being using her time to explain to morons like u, just put the darn phone into your pockets and sleep with ur eyes open! Its more courteous!!" BUT Nope, they were happily "touching" their screen. ~losers~ (i hate the games function in phones)

Finally, the last segment came since nobody has any questions at all for the speakers, we were split to 2 groups. We were supposed to introduce ourselves and about ou child, what problems they are facing and what problems we are facing as parents. One by one people started to speak. Ok, i made a promise that we are not supposed to reveal what we discussed or heard in the "support group" so i shant type out anything here. All i can say was i didnt cry at all. When did i stop crying? I cant remember. All i know is i've moved on. And as a parent, i must tell myself i dont have a right to cry. What i have to focus on is forward, not look back and cry.

I was really looking forward to this parent support group and thought that maybe i could make a couple of new friends and bring our kids for a playdate together but, hm............. after the social worker said "alright, thats it for today", everyone just turned and took their bags, out they went and never looked back. It was like after they poured out whatever they wanted to say and cried, they walked out of that semimar room as a whole new different person. I was like "huh??!! thats it???" And before i could think of which way to go, people just walked past me and i was all alone standing there. "HUH?"

Ok.................... so much for asking for support or helping each other move forward.

In the room everyone was nice, out the door and hey i dont know u.

Seriously, people need to be friendlier, the world would be a much better place man...

book recommendation!

Hi everyone! For those who are feeling lost and confused, take a deep breathe and count to ten.

If you havent got a clue about :-

• What caused Autism
• What is Autism
• Whats the next step
• Why is your child acting like that
• Tantrums or condition
• The kinds of treatment
• Problems you are facing now, how to solve
• Problems you will be facing in the future
• Will Autism be cured

 

 

This book inspired me, made me stronger, gave me knowledge and taught me about the other world that i didnt know exists.

 

Most importantly, it showed me the way to walk into my child's world and taught me how to get my son to walk into mine as well.

 

I hope it will inspire you like how it inspired me.

 

God bless!! Have a great weekend!

wow progress progress!!

Another week has past by!!! woo! And zyon's been making progress!

Let me first update you on zyon's meet up with the Preschool's principal.

Like i said in a few posts back about the doctor recommending a few mainstream schools that will take in and have teachers with experience handling and communicating with children diagnosed with Autism, i wrote an email enquiring and they replied saying they will be able to see me! I was thrilled! Thinking "finally"!!!
So we made the appointment.

When we reached the school, i was like "wow". Its a catholic kindergarten, huge, playground is huge, garden is huge, classrooms are HUGE. I liked the whole premise! Its very old school, no air conditioning (which i feel also good la cos air conditioning sometimes can make viruses worse as its an enclosed area). Overall its very "nature". Met up with the Principal and talked about zyon's condition. Then she asked about zyon's temperaments, and the first thing i thought of was the 'biting' issue. Because zyon is non verbal and if he was forced to do something that he doesnt want or provoked badly as he cant express himself ,he bites. But of course not the kind that makes people bleed la~~~ So the Principal said they will monitor and watch him and if he has this 'biting' issue as habit she will have to withdraw him out of the school. I thought 'ok...' i understand..
Then we went along to the next topic.

After a while she was observing zyon and was trying to interact with him. In my eyes, i could feel her being genuine. I mean you know sometimes when people play with your kids and their actions and eye contact is like 'im not interested but i have to do it to show im nice'. Its not real. But this Principal showed genuine interest and wanting to know him better. im impressed.
She asked me what my expectation was and i told her " i dont need him to have excellent academic reslts, he doesnt need to score and be number 1. All im looking at is for my son to be able to make friends with hs classmates and be happy, have a good feeling about going to school to make friends and have fun. Thats what im looking at." She said "Ah~ thats good its really good to have parents who are understanding like you, some parents tends to have expectations more than what their child can achieve and it will end up stressing the child, the parents and the teacher." I nodded "yeah i agree".

She felt that zyon was better than what she expected.

All done and we were ready to go, one of the teachers came along and said "hi! whats your name?" So i replied say "zyon" . Then she smiled and said "Hi 5!!" and put her palm out, zyon looked at her in the eye and they hi-5ved. Everyone said "oh!!!!!" in their highest pitch and said "so cute!! he looks so handsome when he smiles! etc etc" .Apparently they didnt expect my little boy to 'open up' like that. hhahahahahah it was funny la.

So school is settled.

Progress progress!!! Zyon woke up feeling happy and started dancing , singing and saying "star star star" while pointing to the glow in the dark stars i stick on his wall... i laughed. And he used to play cars by flipping them over and starts turning their wheels, now he started playting the cars like how its supposed to 'zooming' on the floor. Its good progress isnt it? haha!!! im a proud mommy!

My little boy never stops surprising me with his new "point of view" every single day. Its like every single day is a new day!

Coming to think of it, there are quotes like 'live life to the fullest, live everyday like a new day etc.."

My boy can be a good example to everyone.

He lives life everyday like a brand new day.

Again, i learnt a new meaning of life from my son :)

i learnt something new on the weekend~

Hey everyone! Its a monday.... i know it sucks but hey, you'll never know if somehing good will happen today right? So suck it up and be happy!!

So fast its a new week.. i have been doing alot of researching and reading. Found out some new information got inspired by alot of people. Also got some new questions that i need to find answers to.

Was watching a video about the different kinds of Autism and the host of the short documentary was a young girl who has the condition called Asperger's Syndrome. Her name is Rosie. She has dreams, goals and ambitions. Just like an average kid. However, the things that she sees and her "logic" is different from an average person. Thats all.


These are what i've found out researching during the weekend:

If you think that a person with autism doesnt know whats going on around them and havent got a clue about life, you are so wrong, they infact know and understands whats going on and whats wrong with them, but they cant control themselves.

They can be very sensitive with their senses, every little sound, light, smell that we think is normal can be exaggerated 50X more to them. Imagine sitting in a cafe and having a conversation with your friend, its very normal to you but to people with autism, they get very distracted with everything going around. For example, the door is opening and losing,people are walking in and out , people are staring, the noise the coffee grinder is making.. etc etc. It all comes together. They struggle and face challenges every single day on things that we take for granted.

Only 1 out of 6 child with autism can get a full time paying job when they grow up, Out of 4 , 3 children with autism gets bullied.

Some children will grow to have self injurous behaviour , not that they want to hurt themselves  but they cant help it.Its like a can of coca cola, if you shake it but you dont open it, it'll explode, a normal person being locked up in a body they cant control... the most hurtful part is they dont wanna do it, but they cant control it.

Autism is a neurological disorder. And there is no cure yet. It impacts the typical development of the brain and people diagnosed with the condition finds it hard to communicate with others or relate to the outside world, hence they may not have friends and they do not understand social ettiquett. Its defintely not caused by bad parenting and its not a form of mental illness. It affects the person but does not define them. And like all people, they have their strength and weaknesses .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw a video as well on a teenage girl named carly, she was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 2. Her parents neve gave up, she was non verbal. One day at the age of 10, carly reached over to their laptop and typed "help teeth hurt" . Everyone was shocked! So she practiced and practiced typing with one finger communicating with her parents and people worldwide who knows about her story.
See?
Dont give up on your child or people around u that has a condition of autism. You'll never know what to expect!

I find that there are still many parents out there who still refuse to recognise the condition of their child. Ignoring it thinking its a nightmare that will go away eventually. And some parents who acknowledges the condition and start drowning the child with love, giving in as and when the child wants something, dont get it and throw tantrums.

I feel that everything has to be in moderate. Moderate pressure to give to the child to learn, moderate pressure to give in to the child when throwing tantrums. We as parents shouldnt ignore their condition and also not giving in to whatever they want just because they have a condition. Everything has to be in moderation. Of cos the level of moderation, you will have to gauge yourself because you know your child better than any doctors or therapist who have seen him/her .  Every child is different. Whatever advice doctors and therapists gives you is based on the average, so it is your job to find the most suitable and comfortable way for your child to grow and learn.

Me myself, i teach zyon in my range of moderation, when he throws a tantrum, i will ask him what is it he wants. He will try to gesture to me and of cos as his mother one look and i know what he wants but  try to make him communicate with me which he always tries. If its something he can play with i will give it to him and at the same time explain that he just has to tell me or gesture to me, no need for tantrums. And if its something that is not allowed for him to play with, i give him a firm NO. Of cos the word no will make him yell and scream, i will continue to say no. And explain. If he still insists after about 5 times and i cant get him to stop, the cane will appear and i will say "stop zyon". He sees it, and will stop immediately. Wipes his tears and get other toys to play. (i used the cane once only on his leg a long time ago and he remembers how it felt) This has proven he knows. And he can be taught not to throw tantrums as and when he likes. He tends to bang his head on the floor on certain times and he realised its painful so now when he does that, he goes slow motion (very slowly) and hit his head against the floor and when i ignore him he will walk over, take my hand and rub his head gesturing for me to love him. I will rub his head, kiss him then explain to him that behaving this (banging head) is of no use. He stopped doing it.

When do we know when the child is just throwing tantrums or its because of the condition? This is a question i have to find out. This is a question we as parents have to find out.

I just wanna remind all parents out there with their child diagnosed with autism, u are not alone. Dont give up. Deal with it. Focus. There will be times when u wake up feeling really exhausted and frustrated, you are only human. Its ok to feel that way, you are not a bad parent. But DONT let the negativity take over you. DONT allow the negativity to blur your vision and take over your mind.

As i find out more and have more knowledge, i feel more confident in my son, and myself. I now have a clear vision on whats next. I hope i have given you hope. Lets motivate ourselves and move forward!!!!!!!

cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

see the world thru the eyes of a person with autism

People with Autism face challenges and struggles every single day about things that we take for granted.

This video shows how a teenage girl who is non verbal and suddenly one day she went to a laptop in her home and started typing, and so begins her communication with her family and people worldwide..

Her name is Carly.

http://youtu.be/vNZVV4Ciccg


This infact proved that when you think that people with Autism is not aware of whats going on around them and live life like they havent got a clue, then you are SO WRONG.....

See the world thru carly's eyes, see the world through the eyes of people with autism...

http://youtu.be/KmDGvquzn2k

Never give up on your child that is diagnosed with autism, give them the time they need to find a way to open up to you..

have a great weekend.. :)

I can learn too!

ok..... so looking at the picture i posted up there you should know the topic that im going to write about. :)

Getting a school for a preschool child is hard, and getting the right preschool for a child diagnosed with autism is worse!!

A preschool teacher doesnt necessarily need alot of experience or qualifications to teach. That goes to say they also will not really know how to handle or communicate wth a child that is with an autism condition because they dont require that form of training. And as humans, what do you do when you have 12 kids being able to communicate with you and 1 that doesnt? Natural instincts of an average human would ignore the 1 because he or she would be too busy with the 12. And if i were to send my boy to a normal mainstream school with teachers that doesnt know how to communicate with him and leaves him alone letting him do whatever he wants so as not to distract the rest of the class (which i already have experienced a school telling me that) , then what the whole point of zyon going to school at all???? Nowadays in this society, its hard to find a teacher who teaches with passion... im lucky that zyon's previous school teacher is an angel.. she helped alot and spent alot of time on zyon one on one to guide and teach him. I must say my son has improved so much and a great part of it was thanks to her... The Teacher's role in the life of a child with autism is VERY important.

So i got zyon's doctor from the hospital to recommend me schools that are "autism - friendly" , and thank goodness there is such a term!! She gave me a list of schools whereby they have teachers who are trained to teach children diagnosed with autism and they get to interact with an average kid because it is a normal mainstream school! Let me just emphasize one important point, children who are diagnosed with autism is not of low IQ or mentally retarded. They have the thinking and thoughts of a normal child, its just the way they see through their eyes and the reaction they have towards certain issues is different.

To explain in simple words means imagine our body, our 5 senses, why do we feel , know ,see ,smell and hear? when something happens for example we get scalded, the feel the hot touches our skin, the nerves in our body sends messages to our brain. Our brain then process this as hot and pain. But for a person with autism, he or her messengers that were supposed to send these signals are not sending them correctly, its all over the place, hence their reaction towards expressing is not the same. They might not feel the pain at all. In short, people with autism recieves their signals all over the place in their brain and not like what their supposed to like an average person.

For those parents who are like me facing this "school problem" and are panicking, dont worry, check with your child's doctor for alternatives and advice. Im sure they will have the sufficient information for you.

For those parents who thinks that your child is the smartest and you wont want other children to distract your child's progress in school, pls ah , you dont own the school. Dont like it, move your child to another school ok?

remember : Autism is NOT contagious. IGNORANCE IS.
                   Autism is NOT a tragedy. IGNORANCE IS.

just for you to know more

 





what the world needs now is love sweet love

Have you ever felt lonely?

Have you ever felt helpless?

Have you ever felt lost?

Have you ever felt exhausted?


If yes, do you remember how you wished someone was there for you during those times?
How you wished someone knew how you felt and understood what you were going through?

Now that you made it through those dark times, look around you.

Can you see someone else feeling lonely, helpless, lost, exhausted and in their dark times?

Be their that special someone. Make a difference.

Talk to them, show them that you care, it will not take up too much of your time.

Make a difference, you might be able to help alot. Be it just being a listening ear, emotional support, mental support.

make the first step.

And pass this to another person, it would go round.

The world would be a much better place isnt it?

Compassion is what humanity needs now. Lets not be selfish and ...

Make a difference 

 



ah... my questions are answered

Yesterday was the evaluation of zyon's condition for autism. We were supposed to have a hearing test and then see the doctor for an assessment for zyon's autism test.

I must say after seeing so many professionals, im feeling exhausted. Going through the same questions, me answering the same answers, then going through new questions and zyon being watched and observed by new doctors..... i just hope to get a conclusion so i can move on to the next step.

When we reached the hospital for the hearing test appointment, the queue was fast and we got to see the audiologist very quickly. Tried all ways and means but zyon wouldnt give in. He kep screaming and crying! And since doing a hearing test requires him to keep very quiet for at most 5 mins, to my little boy its literally impossible. First, he has this hate relationship with doctors aka anybody that wears a white cloak and had lots of equipments in a room, and second, he hates it when u put an "earpiece thingy" into his ears except for a thermometer. He screamed and screamed. So the audiologist then suggested us to reschedule the appointment whereby they will get a doctor's letter to sedate zyon, just a mild one, for him to sleep to finish the test. Well, like i sad we tried everything and nothing worked so left without a choice, i agreed to the suggestion.

There was still an hour before zyon's appointment with the doctor for autism, so we took a walk around the area and there were so many shops sellng all kinds of toys and stuffs!! Naturally my kids were super excited. We walked into mothercare and the new "LeapPad2" caught my attention. My bestie wrote in her blog "Mother's Avenue" about it you can go check it out. Apparently this pad has 300 over learning games for children 3 - 9 years of age, it has both camera and video recording function, not to mention colouring , writing, music and many more. So  decided to get it for zyon. An early xmas present :p

• 
• tadah!!

Was half an hour to the appointment, we decided to do the registration first. After registration, a very kind nurse came over to inform us that due to certain circumstances, there are 2 more patients ahead of us and we had to wait for another hour. There were toys and books so we decided to just wait and not walk around. So long as the kids are entertained.

Time was passing slowly and waiting can be the worse feeling in the world..... So while waiting and the kids were having fun playng the toys in the waiting area, i was scanning the room. I heard a couple squabbling and natural human reaction was 'turn to look'. Their accent was quite strong and i couldnt really hear what they were squabbling about, but it seems it was because of their child's condition. I guess this is their first time seeing the doctor in regards to their child's development. The wife was blaming the husband about something and the husband was turning it back on her. Then they were getting louder and noticed me looking, the wife shushed her husband and they went back down on the tone. Of cos i realized i was rude to be listening to their conversation so i quickly looked away. We were in the same waiting room with small kids, so of cos there were a few times where we had eye contact. From her actions and they way she was talking to her child annd of co previously to her husband, i feel her defensive level is quite high. Its like trying to protect her child from being judged by other parents there. Its not wrong. Every mother tends to react like this the first time when told their child is different. Its a mother's instinct to protect her child. I've been through, i know how it feels. I wanted to walk over to talk to her as a kind of support but hahaha her defensive mode is on full power. So i thought, forget it, dont be such a busy body, so i turned away. Then after a while, while playing with my daughter cos she isnt a "fan" of waiting, i noticed somebody looking at me, i turned and saw another mother. She looked at me like i was weird. To me is singing a nursery rhyme and acting like a clown to entertain my children doesnt make me look crazy... does it? hahaha . Then i smiled at her and her child. OK........... she looked at me with a very defensive gaze.... i was taken aback and thought to myself "wow.... alright.... be defensive, you have all the right in the world to be upset now but pls dont take it out on me, i didnt do anything" LOL!!! I know i looked like that too a couple of months ago..... sad.... but hey things will work out. As parents we will never get over it, we just have to LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT.

Finally after a 2 hour wait, its zyon's turn... The doctor this time round has alot of  patience, was kind and understanding. She gave me the feeling of "being genuine". Its like from her eyes, she looks at zyon (though met for the 1st time) with concern, attention or maybe even love! She apologized that we had to wait so long and i assured her, its ok.

So she started interviewing me, asking me questions that i have answered a gazillion times to the different people who we have already seen, and also new questions. She was very patient to listen to my concerns and explain word by word to me. I told her i am not a medical student , i have no knowledge of medical terms, cause and effect, but i would like to ask how do they define autism in a 45min - 1 hr session just by observing my son and asking me questions? She answered me, i am not able to tell you your son has autism in 45 mins - 1hr session . I can only tell you the signs and as for the severity we need to do a long diagnosis and it requires a period of time. When she told me this, i know i can fully trust her and have faith that finally someone is assuring me and not labeling my son. As we spoke, she was observing zyon playing with the toys around him and in between she calls out to him and "boo" this made zyon laugh alot. She explained why she was asking these questions and she gave me information that i needed. School. (i will follow up on this again)

I told her zyon has been real friendly to strangers as he grows, its like he will hug and hold their hands etc, to me my son is being friendly and nice but when she told me this is actually wrong, i was like "oh!!". She said this is an inappropriate behaviour and that i must start teaching zyon that he must know the difference between family and stangers. Family hugs are good. However if its strangers, and he grows up still doing this, it will be a form of "molestation" by mistake. Wow.... i learnt a new thing. It never occured to me to think in that angle.

After she was done with the questions, she looked at me and said "you would be worried about his learning skills whether or not he can go to a normal mainstream school or special school, social skills whether or not he will make any friends, and getting himself a wife and have his own family."

I nodded.

I told her, "to be very honest with you, i came here mentally prepared, with inner peace. But im very sorry, i cant control myself." And my tears just rolled down my cheeks, drowning my eyeballs with a burning sensation. i said again "i know his condition, i know what has to be done, but somehow even though i tell myself that i have to be strong and there is an acceptance, somewhere deep in my heart, i refuse to acknowledge. Even though i am aware, but im only human. "

I know what its going to be like. I may not be able to see the future now, but i have a brief idea, i may be strong in acceptance (thus writing this blog to help parents to see that its not the end of the wordl) but hey we are only human. There will always be a small part in our heart that refuses to acknowledge. But dont let this small part take over you. Dont think that by refusing to acknowledge it will just go away and disappear.

It will not go away unless you accept it.

Its only through acceptance, then you can get the right help for your child.
Its ony through acceptance, then you can create a future for your child.
Its only through acceptance, then you will be able to get inner peace for you and your child.

Its only through acceptance, then your child will have his/her standing in the society.

Accept and acknowledge is the way to happiness.

remember : We will never get over it, we just have to learn to deal with it.

to spank or not to spank?

Its been 2 weeks since the start of school holidays... and i have been pretty caught up with 2 little ones running here and there ransacking my stuffs, pouring toys out from the toybox and buckets, crying and fighting because of the toys...etc. Not that they dont do that when the holiday hasnt started.. but its worse since they have a whole day with each other now!! Fights even occur because of who gets to shower first!!! Oh my goodness..... who the heck started school holidays man!!!

And today, zyon started showing signs of him missing school... hahaha he took his schoolbag and placed it on the floor just staring at it. And he looked like he was thinking "hey, why am i not in school??" hahahah it was a classic look! 

Of cos i enjoy my kids with me the whole day but hey.. im only human and 2 at the same time sometimes drive me abit crazy!! lol! So, they were fighting again like every other day and today was quite bad. Snatching a small ping pong ball, zyon lost the ball to his baby sister and he got really mad, so he bit her really hard and zonya screamed so badly.... so i pulled zyon to me and said "mommy said no biting darling why dont u listen? Its wrong to bite! we must love each other and share! no fighting!!" And of cos i said the same thing to zonya.

I feel that as parents, we must always teach and remind the children to love each other and when 1 of them shows the wrong behaviour and actions, both of them would get punished. Thats my way of teaching. Some may not agree but hey haha its my kids so.... haha my way! LOL

So when zyon does something wrong and i punish him, i will say firmly to zonya that she musnt do the same thing and what is the consequence if she does it. When zonya does something wrong, i will say firmly to zyon that he musnt do the same and what the consequence is if he does it. And punishment will be the same. When they start fighting i will be like a spoiled radio saying "share! no fighting" over and over again. And if they dont stop, they both get punished. And of cos i scold.

I know theres been alot of reports about how you shouldnt scold or spank your kids as this will make them have depression, hurt their feelings whatsoever, but hey unless you are a parent yourself looking after your kids 24/7, you have no right to judge how other parents discipline their child. Having a helper/ maid in the house to help around be it with the children or the chores is always easier than doing it all by yourself... this is a fact. So if you are one of those parents who think that "hey you shouldnt scold, shouldnt spank its wrong...etc" then pls stop reading this. I dont need you to judge me.

I strongly believe, spare the rod , spoil the child. First, im a chinese. And my culture is different from foreigners. Of cos my scolding and spanking is not abuse.. if i scold, it will mean the tone of my voice is higher and louder. And if i spank it will mean i spank their butt because there is diaper, or ffor zyon's case i control the level of strength. I smack their hands too. And times when they have gone overboard i will use the cane. But i have only used the cane once on zyon's leg. That was it. The rest of the time i just hold it on my hand and becos of the first experience, he knows its painful he does things and follow instructions immediately. And you see my kids love me because even though i spank, they know i genuinely love them with all my heart and soul. I didnt create "monster mommy" in their lives, and they certainly are very attached to me with hugs and kisses. And just because zyon has a condition, i dont see why i shouldnt treat him like any nomal average kid. No differences and excuses would be given when it comes to behaviour and besides most of the time zyon is doing a good job, and i have given him alot of space before stepping in.

We teach with love, not drown the child with love.

I am a parent and of cos mommies like me likes to join those forums to talk about our kids and ask for advice and stuffs, i have seen how some mothers judging other mothers. They say things like "you shouldnt do this, you should ......... you shouldnt scold/yell/scream, you should..... you shouldnt spank, this is abuse..... " HELLO........ pls, if you are not a stay at home mom with no help then pls keep your opinions or judging to yourself. Mommies goes to forum and talk about the problems they are facing and destress to remind them that they are not alone, not for you to start lecturing them and whats worse, they dont even know you!

Some "experts" on children will tell you, if you spank your kids, they will learn and think that only violence will resolve the problem so they start going to school hitting other kids. Its not wong. Whats really crucial is, when you spank your child , pls dont forget to explain why you did that. And of cos i dont mean everytime your child does something wrong you should spank him or her, you must explain first, and if its not accepted, (im talking about kids 2 yrs - 6 years) he or she still dont listen then firm, (in my case i scold) and its still not accepted, then spank.  When they are of age whereby they can start explaining their reasons and actions, better!!!!! i dont think you even need to raise your voice anymore!! (when is it gonna be my turn??)

Im not afraid to admit, yes, i do spank my kids when necessary.To the parents who have been judged on the way you are teaching your own child ,as long as you are not abusing the child, dun be too affected about what ignorant people are saying about you. You are def doing a good job as a parent, dont doubt yourself.  To all the people who like to judge, i dont care about your opinion so........ run along now *shoo*

cheers!!

every child is beautiful and special

All children are a gift to their parents. And as parents, no matter what our child is like or whatever condition they were born with, we shouldnt be ashamed of them. And as any other people, you shouldnt judge children who are special nor should you judge their parents.

Here is a link of a young mother and her son was born with some conditions..

http://youtu.be/oWCbkyR0cy0

I admire and salute this young mom.

Please watch the video and if possible share it....

to bring or not to bring?

Brought the kids out today to the indoor playground that we always went. But came back feeling rather upset..

When we reached the playground, there were 2 kids already playing in there but their mother came and said it was time for them to go, so the whole playground was only us. Of cos me and the husband then played with the kids and had fun and suddenly 5 children (sporeans) came along. 2 boys and 3 girls.
As soon as they came into the playground, one of the boys took a toy gun and his brother shouted "uick! shoot the bad guy!!" And they were "pretend-shooting" zyon. Maybe i shouldnt take it so hard but hey , im zyon's mother and knowing that becos my baby is not really that verbal yet he havent had peers that he can call friends. And is this the only things other people can say to him??? Darn i felt so upset! Then they ran away screaming and laughing.

Zyon as usual, saw kids running was so happy! So he followed them, wantng to join in and play together, and of cos they sort of ignored him. And he was alone.. seeing this i praised him and said "wow!! baby go to the slide!!yay!!" And he went. Laughed and smile at me. Then the same boy told his brother "hey shoot there shoot there!!" and pointed at me. I looked back, smiled and said, "why shoot me? what about i shoot you?" He laughed and said "no". In my heart i was like "pppppffffttttt!!!!!!"

Wherever they go, zyon followed, but they continued to ignore him and i continued to play and laugh with my son, letting him know that mommy is there :)

They set up a fake house and started "pretend play" and zyon wanted to go in, but they blocked the passage way and refused to let him join in, so seeing this i was so sad....... Then when zyon tried to go in again, they said "hey this is our house, dont!!!" i told zyon immediately "baby mommy will play with you, come lets go mommy carry you and we'll go elsewere alrght?" So though relctant, he let me carry him out....

I always wanted zyon to be able to play and mix around with other kids, but it seems becos of his verbal, all the kids do this to him. I say this becos this is not the first time. Seeing zyon sad makes me, his mother feel worse than ever! so i teared.

Its times like this, i hate the world.

I hate myself for bringing a life to this ugly world to suffer.

I dont know if bringing him to the playground is fun for him or hurting his feelings through and through...?

3 yr olds wants to be Independent?? or so you say it!

So fast another week just flew past!! zooooom~~~~

let me just update what happened the past week! Zyon had a poop red alert! And another meet the parents session in his school.... sigh.....

Couple of days ago zyzy wanted to poop and he ddnt tell me about it but when straight to the toilet himself! I was in the room doing some stuffs and usually he will be around me then suddenly he stormed off, i thought he went to get some toys in the living room. Then so suddenly i heard him crying and yelling so ii rushed out of te room and saw him coming straight at me!! As he was running he was crying and poo was falling out from him pants!!!! Ah~~~~~ I ran toward him and said "its alright baby~~~ you wanna poo huh..... its ok" . He kept pulling his ants and i saw it was way half down but no fully so i took it off for him. Then he ran back to the toilet. Zonya (my little girl) was on the floor crawling and i realized there is a huge possibility that she might start playing with the poo thats on the floor , so left with not much choice i cleaned the floor first since zyon was back in the toilet.

While i was cleaning the floor i heard splashes of water, and soon enough after cleaning i ran straight to the toilet to see what was zyon doing. I stopped just right outside the toilet while my son was crying i started to laugh! He was using the bucket and scooping water from the big bucket i have to store clean water and kept splashing on his thighs trying to clean himself up! i thought to myself "wow.. my baby boy is all grown up!!" So i went in and while cleaning him up  said "its ok baby, its ok.. mommy knows you are trying to go to the toilet yourself but couldnt go on time..its ok alright?".. And he finally stopped when all was cleaned!!

Apparently, he wanted to go to the toilet to poop but he couldnt take off his pants in time and he couldnt bear with it anymore so he pooped in his pants... So after when i was dressing him up, i told him "baby when you want to go to the toilet you have to let mommy know so that i can help you ok? And when you go to school get the teacher to help as well alright?" Of course becos zyon is not really talking yet so this is really a headache for me. If he were to do the same thing to his teacher, im quite sure he would not be understood ......

The whole day later and the days after that day, everytime he wants to pee or poo, he'll pull my hand and get me to go to the toilet wth him. Then on saturday, another meet the parents session. His teacher spoke to me and asked if i have any pllans for him next year, so i told her everything would have to wait till we see the doctor in kk hospital again.. And she understands, she went on to talk about zyon's behaviour in school.

She told me, zyon has an issue in regards to going to the toilet, she realize that if he goes to the toilet alone, its very likely that he would pee in his pants. And he would really just try to go to the toilet himself. (maybe becos his classmates are going to the toilet themselves and he wants to do the same thing) So i explained to her, becos his pants are not very loose, he's got a problem trying to remove his pants. And she agrees! she then told me a couple of times she saw zyon trying to go to the toilet but cant remove his pants himself and she agrees the pants are the problem to this. Other than this issue, he is totally like an average child in school. He is focusing and trying, then she showed me his art works and books in school. And mentioned that he has improved alot. 

She is worried about how the other teachers, she was saying to teach zyon, there has to be alot of patience, but sadly some people just dont have that much of patience. Which i totally agree. Not every teacher can teach with passion.

As zyon grows, he surprises me with things that i never guessed he would do! Cute to the MAX.

so many medical terms = so many possiblities?

Have you ever heard of  The einstein syndrome ? I came across this book while researching more on autism, and i must say just when you thought things are simple and "this is the condition" then pop! another term comes out and once again you feel like you're lost in what you thought you already knew.

Its vexing, confusing and frustrating.

As a mother who is worried and trying all ways and means wanting to help her child but has no medical knowledge background and certainly am not gifted like once you read about the "condition" you kow immediately what to do. Hey i mean if just by reading about autism on books and via the net and talking to doctors i will know everything then everyone can be a docor isnt it? Whats the point of doctors studying so hard then???

Anyways, like i was saying, the einstein syndrome, let me just give you a brief idea.:-

The Einstein Syndrome describes children who are exceptionally bright and exceptionally slow to develop the ability to speak. In addition to being intelligent, and unlikely to have a back-and-forth conversation before age four, these children often have some of the following commonalities¹:

• Parents who are highly educated
• Strong musical gifts
• Many close relatives who are musicians
• An amazing ability to solve puzzles
• Lagging social development, thus leading to a misdiagnosis of autism
• Delayed toilet training abilities
• They are often boys

So, it made me pondered. When it says "exceptionally bright and intelligent" (the child) , how do you define "bright and intelligent"? How much is intelligent enough???? 

It is known that there are no specific ways to "confirm" a child to be autistic, they will have to follow a pattern of their actions and reactions to certain things. But what if the child was just being bored thats why he looks restless? what if the child infact can have verbal communication but its just that he or she doesnt want to? I mean how can one label a child, an individual , with conditions just base on spending 45 mins with the child who doesnt like strangers? I mean who says that ALL children are the same , get all chatty and happy when they see strangers ? Im sure as an individual their thinking should be just like any other people of all ages isnt it? For example i can just stay in the room for 24 hrs just reading and not talking to people, not eating. Would u define me as "depression"? In my point of view i just wanna do some reading and being alone is very good relaxation.

So how do doctors define an individual whether or not they have a problem?

I need answers to my questions but so far.... i havent got any real straight answers from anybody despite the fact that i've been to so many professional doctors.

a short yet inspiring story

came across this very very very short short short story thats so inspiring :-

When i was 5 years old, my mom always told me happiness was the key to life.

When i went to school,

They asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up.

I wrote down "happy".

They told me i didnt understand the assignment.

I told them they didnt understand life.

 

 

 

 

I hope it inspired you as much as it did to me.

life is not a matter of milestones but of moments

NOTE : IF YOU DONT AGREE HALFWAY READING WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN BELOW, PLS DONT READ IT ALL. I WRITE AS PER MY OWN OPINION. NO OFFENSE TO ANYBODY WHATSOEVER. THANK YOU.



seeing my baby girl at 1, understanding so many different words in her colorful board books i realized all these my baby boy didnt go through when he was at her age. Well it is true that girls mature faster than boys but because i was a first time mom when i had zyon, i didnt know that "this" was what he was supposed to be doing at age 1.

This proves that all along there were signs that my little boy was different but i thought it was "growing up".

However, lookng at my little boy now, he is so affectionate and so loving... so close to me... and i feel that nothing matters more than him being happy. He will not be bothered that he cant catch up with friends, he will not think whats cool and whats uncool among those kids when they are comparing, he will just do what he wants and be happy. And he will always be happy. Thats what all parent wanted isnt it? For your child to be happy and live life to their fullest doing whatever they like..

Looking at parents feeling the need that their child should be reaching their "milestones" somehow i feel it makes the child stressful. Issues like"oh shouldnt he be talking by now? oh shouldnt he be sayng sentences by now? oh, shouldnt he be doing this, imitating that, expressing himself, potty trained." And things like "according to the book he should be reaching this milestone, that milestone..."etc etc. Even though i am a parent myself, i feel for the "little people". When they were born, they start learning and facing pressure. Things like talking, using the cutleries, crawling, walking, making friends, going to school, learn, memorize their names and names of family members, perform dance or singing like they're animals in the zoo and have manners the society created called "civilization".

How would you feel if people are saying "oh you should be reaching this grade, that grade, oh you should be working in this job and not that, oh you should be finding this type of wife/ husband, oh you should be earning this amount of money, oh you should be doing this or that..." etc etc.??? you would end up feeling frustrated and get upset isnt it??

Who says that when taking a picture, the child has to look at the camera and say "cheeze" or freeze and smile till the pic is taken? Who says that the child has to keep quiet in a diner when the family is having dinner? who says that it is a must for the child to understand how to behave in different places? If your child speaks like an adult, understands his or her place in the society, behaves very well outdoors be it in the mall or any public area, congratulations. You have a bright and intelligent child. But for those who's child cannot behave themselves in public areas, scream and shout , dont look at the cameras when asked to take a picture, runs off when asked to meet "strangers" they first met..etc etc, all i wanna say is "hey, you are not alone." This is defintely not a case of bad parenting. But of cos if you really didnt teach your child, or have certain control then "its your issue" *coughs* but to those who already taught, and the child still acts like that, there MUST be a reason. And dont pull all the blame to yourself first, sometimes kids act the way they do its because they are feeling the pressure. They cant express themselves properly hence they act that way.

My son never looks at the camera unless he feels like it. My son never greets relatives or our friends when he sees them. My son screams and shouts at dining areas, malls and other public places when he is upset about something. You think he's a monster?

You dont know him.

He doesnt look at the camera because he doesnt like it. He never greets relatives or our friends when he sees them because he hasnt started verbal communication. He screams at dining areas becos he doesnt like whats on his plate and wants other kind of food. He screams in malls and other public places because he wants to stay longer but we said we had to leave, thus he has to leave too.

My son hugs and kisses me when he wakes up. My son picks up rubbish from the floor when he sees them lying around and throws them into the rubbish bin. My son cleans his sister's nose when he thinks its dirty. My son takes his own bath towel and goes to shower when i tell him its time to shower. My son puts down the things that i said he shouldnt be touching immediately when i told him to.

My son never met his milestone of his age. But sweet moments and gestures he portrays erased all the "he-should-but-didnt-do" away.

That is my special son.


Next time if you so happen to see a child behaving badly in public areas, dont judge him/ her or their parents yet. You dont know the full story.  Leave all your judging judging your own life first.

stressed about the kind of school to send your child to when there are so little options

Hi there, i was browsing around and came across this website giving advice on what kind of school you can prepare your child who is diagnosed with autism at ages 3 onwards (aka preschool).

Q: can i send my child to an ordinary preschool?
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/f/typicalpreschoo.htm

Q: should i send my child to a preschool or have them stay at home?
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/a/preschoolhub.htm
http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/f/homepreschooler.htm

Q: should my child attend an autism preschool?
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/f/autismpreschool.htm

Q: How to find a preschool for your child with autism
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/ht/findpreschool.htm

you can understand more on autism at this webpage:

http://autism.about.com/od/autismandthelaw/u/lifeonspectrum.htm#s2

every child is special in their own way, dont be ashamed just because your child was born with autism or any other kind of disablility, dont label your own child. Your child needs your support. I know it can be difficult especially when you bring your child who is not like any other average kids out to the mall or a diner and people starts looking at you "in a way" , take a deep breathe and smile back, let all ridicule and insults turn into a joke back at the person, people who understands the real meaning of life will treat you and your child with respect. Your child is what thats important. Face this challenge and you will realize you are blessed.

god bless you :) cheers!

its not the school, its the teacher.

Sent zyon off to school this morning and feeling really happy about his successful potty training, then decided im going to have to do my chores first, so i quickly get working on my chores. After everything was done,  i sat down and switched on my computer, tuned in to the cctv channel and see what zyon was doing in school. I saw the kids were all ok and having fun so i wasnt really staring at the screen. Zyon's main teacher told me she would be on leave today and i was kindda feeling insecure that shes not around.. She mentioned to me that when she is not around, nobody bothers to give zyon water and attend to his needs when he requires help.
I was initially thinking of not letting him go to school today but then again, he will be changing teacher next year and he's gotta learn being without his current teacher. So eventually i dressed him up and sent him to school. I thought maybe i should just let go....

Nothing much happened this morning when i was watching the cctv then when i went to pick him up from school, I KNEW IT.

Somebody else's water bottle was hanging on him and his own in his schoolbag not touched at all. His t shirt was changed and pants were changed too. Catherine the school admin asked the teacher in charge today why was his attire changed the lady told her cos he spilled drinks on his shirt. And , he was pushed by his classmates, fell to the floor and bumped his head.

WTH. WTF.

I mean whats he been drinking one whole day? And when we got home, his pants were drenched. not with water. with pee!!!!! Seriously!! 3 teachers today in his class helping out and yet my son comes home like that??????? i cant understand.

Just one day without the teacher and this happens . Its not the school thats helping my baby boy, its his teacher that teaches with passion. Its his teacher thats making the difference. Its his teacher thats helping him and guiding him.

His teacher. I would always be grateful.

potty training

I tried potty training zyon about 6months ago and trust me the process was filled with tears and screams.. not easy at all. I mean i used the method that was used on me when i was young to teach my little boy and really, it had no effect on him at all. I asked the PD how do i potty train my boy? She then mentioned to me that dont force him, when he is ready, he will be ready, in the meantime just wait. So having a child is really sometimes just waiting..

So i waited, but i taught him how to pee in the toilet instead of his diapers. It all started out with him "dont dare to pee when hes not wearing diapers" and i had to ask him every now and then "zy, do you need to pee?"  until it became a habit that he would wait for me to ask him 'if he needs to pee' before he really remembers yeah he needs to pee. i was scared that he might hold in his urine and its not healthy so these 6 months i have been constantly reminding him that he needs to pee.

When he started going to school, i was very worried becos he doesnt know how to express himself in regards to going to the toilet or he is hungry so i told the teacher that he needs to be reminded but its ok when other kids ask to go to the toilet , pls bring him as well, and in the meantime teach him too. And i will teach him at home too. But he always has 'accidents'. Comes home every now and then with the shorts i prepared for him, and i would know he peed in his pants again.. i was gettin rather frustrated not with my son but why dont the teacher bring him to the toilet as well when other kids are there?..... I didnt say anything to the teacher but never giving up on teaching him myself, until one day zyon came to me and held on to his pants where the penis should be and when i asked him "you wanna pee darling?" He ran straight to the toilet and waited for me to help him. Of cos seeing my son running to the toilet i didnt dare to dilly dally myself i ran after him! so this was what happened for the next 2months. The teacher then told me she sees him holding on to his pants at the penis area and she knows he needs to peee, and i said yeah i know i realized it as well :) All was well in school then. By this time i already took him off diapers in the day and only in the night he wears them. Also only in the night after he drinks his warm milk then he poops in his diapers then we clean him up, put on new diapers and he would go to bed. (i dunno why but zyon hardly poop in the day, and when he does need to poop, he will hold on to his tummy and i would quickly put on diapers for him to poop)

One day, i asked him "zy do you need to pee?" , he took off his own pants and ran towards the toilet! seeing this of cos i ran after him and he peed, and flush the pee away with the pail of water i put in the toilet!! OMG!!! i was shocked!!! i was happy!!! thrilled!!! ecstatic!!!! whatever u can use to describe happiness !!!! This too went on for 2 months.

Then on a normal monday 12 november 2012, 3 days before his 3rd birthday , i picked him up from school and his teacher said he had 2 big bowls of porridge! He actually asked for a second serving when he usually hates porridge! hm........ His teacher was as shocked as i was hahahaha! Everything was as per normal and he napped had dinner.. he suddenly held on to his tummy and bent down. I knew this was a sign that he is having a tummy ache and he needs to poo.  So i decided, this is a good chance for me! I quickly took him to the toilet and took out the baby toilet seat and placed him on top of the toilet bowl, "mmmmm, mmmmmmm" i tried to 'entice' him to poop. He looked at me and said "mmmmm,mmmmm" then gestured that he wants to come down. So i said "ok, when u feel like pooping again tell mommy alright?" He ran back to the living room and played with his toys.
15 mins later, he came back to me held on to his tummy and bent down again whining, so i said "hurry, lets go poop!!" so both of us, mother and son ran to the toilet and i placed him on the toilet seat, and said "mmmmmm,mmmmmmm" and he looks at me and gave me a 'poop-face' i knew its working!!!! so he went "mmmmm , mmmmmm" with a poop face and poop came out!!!! i was soooooooooooooooooooo happy. After about 5 mins, i asked him "are u done baby?" he gestured that he wants to come down, so i washed his bum and praised him "well done!!! good boy!!! my baby's all grown up!!!!" He smiled and ran back to his toys :)

After shower, usually hubs would put on diapers for him but after seeing him poop in the toilet, i decided to ask him myself. I took out a pair of boxer and a diaper, one on each hand i asked him "which one do you want to wear baby?" He looked at me , then at the boxer and diapers, thought for a moment and he reached for his boxer! I laughed out loud and i said "ok boxer then!" So i put on his boxer and pants and got ready for bed.
Before he was gonna sleep i thought i should bring him to pee again just in case he needs to pee. After we came back i thought again that i shouldnt go to such extremes i was worried he might hold in his urine and its really not good for health so i decided to put on diapers for  him first. When he saw his daddy coming to him with a diaper in his hands, he shook his head. He didnt want the diapers!! Then daddy explained that what if he forgot and wet his bed? So just put on for the night and zyon went along with it. He woke up at 4am whining and holding on to his penis area on his pants, i woke up hearing my baby whining and i saw him with the peeing action i told him its ok baby u are wearing diapers you can pee in your diapers, so he peed and went back to bed!

The next day all was as usual, we took the kids to a bookstore and although there were whinings and cryings on thinking which book to get, all of us eventually each got a book thanks to hubs. They were reading when i said it was time to shower. After i showered for zyon, again i asked him to make a choice, and he chose his boxer. So i told myself, my baby wants to wear boxer then boxer it shall be. I brought him to the toilet to pee and ask if he wanted to poop after milk, he went ont the seat and said "mmmmm , mmmmm" then gestured that he wanted to come down, so i told him "ok then poop tomorrow morning ok?" He ran back to the room and covered himself with the blanket.

4am came and my son was whining holding on to his pants wanting to pee and yet wanting to sleep so hubs carried him to the toilet and came back he fell asleep! Morning came and it ws 7:15am in the morning, i carried him and woke him up gently telling him its time to pee, he peed and then i carried him back to bed and made him milk to start the day. After milk zyon was fully awake,so i asked if he wants to poop, reluctantly he walked slowly to the toilet and i oout him on the toilet seat, he pooped! again i praised him!! He smiled and ran back to the room to change into his uniform!! i was so proud of my baby!!!!!!!! yes, this morning. This happened this morning!! :) Tomorrow is his birthday and im so happy my baby is all grown up!! Many more surprises waiting for us!!

another weekend, another uncle!!

Its another weekend!! And this time round, my other brother called to say he was gonna visit with his girlfriend together with my aunt. So i said 'great! come over'.

When they were almost reaching, i got the father to fetch them at the station and i put the kids to bed. Zonya slept straightaway and zyon was tired but he was restless. Walking here and there like as though he knew his uncle was coming but he was tired.. dont know if he should go to bed or wait. The father brought them to have a late dinner first. When they finally arrived, zyon heard tthe 'clangings' of the keys and went to peep at the door, daddy opened the door and came in my aunt, my brother's girlfriend and eventually my brother walked in! Zyon jumped and jumped!! so happy!! Immediately he pulled his uncle's hand and took him to play ball with him , he hugged and sat on his lap and followed wherever my brother went! Its really good to see my son being so happy.

Its times like this i wish time would stop.

When i look at my son with all these reactions and expressions, i cant help but tell myself, 'he couldnt be autistic right? look at him, it must be a misdiagnosed' repeatedly.

I feel sad that he has a condition but then again i feel happy seeing him happy and laughing...

The next day, he spent the day doing his usual stuffs, reading and watching a bit of tv..etc. While watching a program whereby a person acting like a bird chases another person acting as a ranger, he held my hands to his eyes and covered them!! So cute! It was like 'i cant watch this! i cant watch this!!!!'


He showed many new reactions and expressions during this weekend :) Its another step forward isnt it? :)

favourite uncle comes to visit!

I'm Its the weekend and my aunts and younger brother were coming over to vsit.  When they arrived, zyon was thrilled! Jumping up and down, running here and there and eyes fixated on his uncle. (I dont know why but even though zyon didnt grow up with his uncles by side, he is especially close to them) So my brother hugged him and he held my brother's hand and brought him to play in the room :)

Zyon loves his uncle so much that even if they're not talkng or playing, just the presence of my brother by his side makes him comfortable enough!!So long his uncle is sitting or sleeping there beside him....  Then zyon started performing for them, dancing songs from hi 5 and the chicken dance he did for his school concert. One of my aunt then pointed to zyon's school uniform and asked,

"who's school uniform is that? Its so nice! Is it yours?" looking at zyon.

"yes" zyon smiled and nodded

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone was shocked! but of cos in a good way.

When they were going to leave, this time round zyon didnt cry, he waved them goodbye and everything was normal again.

The next day, he woke up feeling extremely happy and danced the whole morning away! And the day was as usual nothing much happened, after dinner, we brought him and zonya to an exotic petshop and a hamster caught his attention. We called it 'The crazy Rodent'. It was just running back and forth back and forth non stop! My kids laughed so loudly everyone came over to see what they were laughing at hahah and the father even wanted to buy the hamster home cos they loved it but of cos we didnt in the end. The father was worried it will die, squashed by either one of the kids cos they cant handle small animals yet. LOL.

a normal day

Showed Zyzy my wedding photos and video, he smiled and smiled thinking its funny and when he saw a picture of my brother, his favourite uncle, he pointed and said "jiu jiu" ! My husband and i were shocked! Its like he knows who the uncle is and what to address him but it has to depend on his mood if we want him to talk!! lol.  But hey good improvement isnt it?

The i taught him to to shower for himself, well he turns 3 only in november but i wanted him to have a brief idea of how to shower himself and he smiled and thought it was fun :) turns out we really had great fun in the bathroom hahaha and he brushed his teeth himself!! another good improvement!!

Later in the evening, we brought the kids to the hawker and that was the official first time they've ever been to a hawker, they were so excited! And zyon started making funny noises and pointed here and there, feeling extremely excited and happy!! Good exposure!

My bestie came to visit me in the night and brought many books passed down by her little girl. Because the kids were sleepling so i placed them nicely on zyon's study table to surprise him in the morning. True enough he woke up and got so happy he flipped thru and thru the 'new' books!! And even refused to leave for school! LOL!! Eventually of cos he still went to school, when he came home, he removed his shoes in quick speed and ran straight to his study table in the room and started picking out the books, jumped onto the bed and started reading thru, i laughed then say "eeeee, baby so dirty and you jumped onto the bed!!! eeeeee!!!!" He laughed then grabbed his towel and headed straight to shower, in a total good mood!! After shower, when he saw his briefs he whined and put on reluctantly hahahahah actually its becos he prefers his boxers rather than briefs!!! hahahaha!! He wanted to wear his boxers and i told him "baby briefs is ok too right? mummy will change all your briefs to boxers ok? make do for now alright? " then he put on his pants and went back to his reading.. hahahahaha

My baby's growing up huh>... so many boy issues... LOL

boy fights

A brand new day and my baby boy woke up coughing.. well it could be that his throat was dry so i made him milk and after a while got him dressed for school.  its just another day and nothing much was going on, we were doing what we do ever morning and i got new stickers to stick on zyon's lunchbox :) cute space stickers.. he was so happy!! Its the best feeling to see your child being so happy early in the morning.. nothing else beats that. Hes been really into stickers lately and i wonder why... probably its like full of little pictures or stuff like that.. he loves small pictures and stuffs hahahaha. Off he went to school and off i went to do my chores.

 

Was time to pick him up and when i reached the school, i saw that the teachers looked at me awkwardly and hurried to explain that zyon fought in school. i was like "huh? my son? fought in school? no way man..." I mean zyon has always been gentle and i was very worried that he might not be able to stand up for himself if he gets bullied, thats how gentle he is and now im being told he fought in school??? no way man! no way.  *shakes head*

 

so the teacher then explained to me, the class were doing art work and zyon apparently wanted his classmates's art and he just took it away in a nonchalant manner, okok you can say he snatched it haha and his classmate's first reaction was 'hit his face'.  And when that boy hit my son, my son hit him back! And zyon was going to pinch that boy the teacher reached them and stop the fight. The teacher was explaining the story to me slowly in details, to her she is doing her job. To me, the words she used, the phrases she said, its like its my son's fault. Ok i dont deny that in the first place zyon shouldnt snatch the art piece, but that boy shouldnt hit him in his face, isnt it?? And as teachers, they should teach zyon its wrong to snatch, and teach that boy its wrong to hit. Then make them shake hands and explain that they are classmates and they should love and respect each other, no fighting. Right? NO!! THEY DIDNT DO THAT. HOW ARE THE KIDS GONNA STOP FIGHTING???? The teacher said :-

 

"becos zyon snatched the boy's art thats why the boy hit him and zyon hit him back and wanted to pinch him but i stopped them, zyon has started to hit back and bite people huh? he wasnt like that i was like whoa" .

 

AND I WAS LIKE WTF??? Because nobody is telling the kids its not right to hit. And seriously what was the teacher trying to say? Maybe im being sensitive but as a mother with a son who hasnt started talking yet, hey how would i know if its not like that? Maybe there were some reasons behind? If you dont provoke my son, he will never touch you. I mean who knows my child better than me the mother who stays wth him 24/7?? right?And its not the first time, the first time i saw it myself on the cctv that there was a boy who stomped on my son and stepped on him over and over again on his tummy!!!!! i called the school straightaway and asked "why is that boy stomping on zyon non stop? can somebody please stop him???? my son is crying!!" The teacher then apologized when i picked him up on that day and said she will watch him closely.This time,  Zyon's face, nose bridge and upper cheek were scratched and was slightly bleeding!!!!! sigh.......... even though i was mad, but my son was in the fault too and i explained he shouldnt be snatching other people's things and hitting people. And coming to think about it , boys will fight defintely, and i cant be there to protect zyon all the time, he has to know that there are bound to have such people around and he musnt be afraid.

 

OF COS the class teacher apologized to me and i looked at her sincerely and said "its ok , i understand that you cant watch so many kids at one time, and as kids ths is bound to happen. especially boys.."

 

When i told my family and friends, they were shocked that zyon fought, they too think that the boy must have hit him first! I of cos feel that too..

 

So the next day i followed the cctv closely and decided chores can be done later, i spent the morning 'stalking' my son on the cctv hahahaha and i saw a boy going around pulling other girl's pigtails, pushing and hitting other kids in class. I shook my head and think, 'why isnt anyone stopping that boy?'..... This made me realized yes, there will always be a bully in the different phases of life. This is what we call Growing up.

 

Isnt it stressful for parents as well as the child thats attending school? Meeting people from all sorts of family background and values....  

the chicken dance!

.Zyon had his school concert performance on a sunday and we were very very excited! It was my Little boy's first performance and its a school thing so we were really very nervous! To some parents it may seem a very "normal thing", but to us because of Zyon's condition, we dont know how his reaction to the performance will be like and to face so many people in the audience! wow..... seemed like totally impossible!

 

When we first knew he was going to perform in school, i joked to my husband saying "he might be asked to act as the tree on stage if its a play, because he wont need to say any lines and wont have to move and remember any steps! haha"

My husband laughed.

Then when the date was about 2 months before the performance, Zyzy started dancing and 'singing' but his own language so i told my husband in a joking manner again saying "looking at him cant stay in a place for long i think he should be the butterfly, so maybe all he needs to do is run around fluttering like a butterfly! hahahaha".

 

Before the concert date, there was going to be a meet the parents session in school and as usual, becos of my baby's condition i was a nervous wreck!! i felt like throwing up and was constantly feeling nauseous.. And when the teacher met up wth us, she told us zyon improved alot and listens to instuctions now as well as he will sit down and pay attention to her. Also she is trying to teach him new words etc.. Then she mentioned, however she is very worried becos she will not be his main teacher next school year, and she is worried that he may not be able to accept the new teacher so fast.. and she was also worried about whether or not the next teacher will be patient with him. I asked her, then if that was the case, would she recommend us to get zyon another school? She didnt give me any exact answers but said "if it is better than here why not consider?" Its not that this school is bad, teachers are mean, but its the issue of 'if there is a better one, why not consider changing? isnt it? All parents want the best for their children,let alone my baby's condition, he needs a teacher who teaches with passion.

When we were leaving, the teacher told us that we will have to get yellow colored t shirt and shorts for zyon for his school concert performance, he will be doing the chicken dance :)

For the next few weeks, we tried to search high and low for the pair of yellow shorts. YELLOW SHORTS. YOU CANT SEEM TO FIND THEM ANYWHERE!!!! There were red, blue, orange even green!! Just NO yellow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was like 'NO!!! I was already nervous like hell and now no yellow shorts??? how to perform?????!!' The next thing we knew, we hunted for a whole month before we came across this market brand 'sunbaby'. It comes with the tshirt but with low budget cartoon characters and Zyon wont be able to fit into the size.. but hey, who cares. I only need the pair of shorts that comes along with it. Thank goodness!!!!!!! shorts found!!!!!

[3 weeks before the concert]

We've been practising the chicken dance with zyon as much as possible and he can really dance well! i was so happy when i first saw how he danced as soon as i put on the music. His daddy laughed, i laughed, anybody who came to my house for visits i get him to perform so as to not make him nervous to see so many parents watching. 3 days before the concert, the school has a erhearsal at the hotel function hall where they will be performing, and zy's teacher was telling us he refused to dance and theres nothing they could do to make him. i jokingly told my husband 'oh dear... everyone will know him if he dont dance on stage but ends up crying or throwing his tantrums..a case of being famous overnight! hahaha'

On the day itself

Zyon's concert starts at 9am but all children will have to be at the venue at 8am for preparations and stuffs. So i got up at 6am, packed all the necessary stuffs and headed out feeling extremely nervous!!! My son was going to perform today!!!!! ah!!!!! When we reached, he went into the dressing room to gather with his classmates and we waited for the time to register before i went into the function hall i was captivated by one of the views through the window. The sky was so blue and clear, the clouds looked like marshmallows! Suddenly i said' God, pls pls bess zyon, let him finish his dance properly, pls bless him. Amen.' then off i went into the function hall. We were seated in 45mins time and the concert started late. Basically because it seems to be a culture in the chinese race to be LATE for everything!!! People are late for dinners, celebrations, weddings..etc and now their children's school concerts!! Personally i hate no i despise people who are late. Its like robbers!! They rob your time!!!! Really inconsiderate and rude. ok back to the concert. When we got the program list, we quickly look and saw our son's performance was the 4th in line, hahahaha really nervous.

Speech, done. Sppech by graduating students, done. Piano performance, done. OK!! Zyon's next!!!!! The teachers held their hands and walked out one by one to their positions and the first was my son!!!! I was screaming 'woohoo!!!!' And before the music starts, my boy was already dancing , the next thing you know the music starts and he start all over again!! SO CUTE! SUPER CUTENESS! I CANT STAND IT!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep , i was a crazy but PROUD MOMMY!!! There were about 6 of his classsmates that just stood there and did nothing. I was so happy!!! filmng and laughing away , and true enough, my baby boy finished his performance with an A.

Proud mommy proud mommy i was a proud mommy!!!And duh~ i still am a proud mommy!! hahaha His teacher saw me in the ladies and told me 'ah mommy you must be very happy today huh zyon did a very good job! He did so well!'
I was like 'ya!! i nearly cried!!! im so happy!!'

Im so surprised at how well my son did.. really ... Praise god!!!!!!



The day of the Appointment

Time flies and 3 months went by.

The days were smooth and nothing much or special happened, we continued our daily routine and Zy's been really learning. We practice saying the alphabets and when i ask him which is which , he was able to point them out to me. Colors and shapes, all these interest him.

As usual because of me , my kids love to go to bookstores and look at interesting books. Especially those that were published by "Disney Junior".

It was the day of our appointment at KK Hospital. I told myself "this is it, the moment of truth." We woke up as per normal so zy was off to school and i start preparing what to bring, their lunch, get ready my baby girl and myselfand we were off to pick Zy up from school to the appointment. When we reached our destination, my heart was calm... im not sure why but somehow im not as frightened as before..I've felt hopeless, shattered and cried and now in not sure if i can go through the process again.  But probably becos of the previous experience and i've found out so much so much, gotten to the fact that he is still him. Nothing's changed. My son was still my son and he is still an affectionate boy learning new things everyday.. only slower.

Stepped into the Dept of Child Development, i started to get nervous. Registered at the counter and took a sit nearby. I felt weirdly calm after looking around. There were so many children with their parents waiting for their turn to see the doctor. Getting help. I realized i've been keeping my anxiety and stress about my little boy's problems somewhere in the corner of my mind and heart and now im going to face the fact.

"dom dom dom" My heart was pounding with the all so familiar way. The fear is back when it was almost our turn to be called. I shook my head, "nothing is impossble. there will be hopes. "

The nurse took Zy's particulars and told me that a short interview would be conducted then we'll get to see the preliminary examiner. Couldnt help and i started looking around again, so many children with development issues of all kinds!! One particular child caught my attention. He laughed and laughed to himself and when i turn to look at his parents, they were in a mess. His mother's eyes were red from crying and his father was like had a shock but tryng to reamin composed. Come to think of it, this was what me and my husband looked like a few months back. I could totally feel their pain, their inner hearts screaming and asking the same questions that i've asked a million times.

Finally, the psychologist called Zy's name. We stepped into a room with butterflies on walls and rubber flowers around , a red mat on the floor with toy trains and train tracks. The psychologist told us o take a seat and that Zy can play on the red mat with the toys there, so i told my little boy

"you can go over there to play darling"

Zy then smiled and insists to take off his shoes. Maybe he felt like in school, it was necessary. He placed his shoes neatly side by side beside my chair and went to the red mat and started playing on his own. The interviewer went on to ask me some basic questions about his behaviour and reactions in regards to certain issues and also what he can or cannot do to understand more on zy's development against the avergae milestone as per his peers. As i answered her questions, i felt that im trying so hard to recall even the smallest detail so as to justify, still trying hard to convince myself that it might just prove that my son is fine, its just that he is still young. My subconscious was really trying very hard. After the brief interview , we were then told to wait outside for the nurses to call our names again to check on zy's health. Just a few questions.

We were waiting in the waiting area again and another boy caught my attention. He was screaming and screaming and screaming. Then he bit himself on his arm and when his parents wanted to stop him, he bit them as well. Suddenly it occured to me, "hey, im not alone. im not the only parent facing this challenge. Many out there are struggling as hard as i am and their kids are struggling as hard as they can to be accepted into this society."

When the examiner called our name, soehow i felt that Zy knows why we're there. I dont know if its just me being sensitive, but she's not looking at my son like a child. Rather she is looking at my baby as though he is a 'thing' she is experimenting / researching on. She tried to play with Zy and talk to him but the way she was doing it was wrong. It was a wrong approach. I guessed that she isnt a mother yet. Whatever it is, Zy completely IGNORED her. Treated like she was invisible! Zy used to ignore people but that was a year ago since he last ignored people like that. He looked at what she was holding but simply completely not look at her face! Thus she couldnt get a response out of him. Zy's been really nice to his teachers in school, to all my relatives, all his father's relatives and even the strangers on the road when they say hi, but now that we're here for an assessment, he ignored the lady..... oh my goodness..............

Of cos immediately she thinks my son has a problem and yes is autistic and blah blah blah. The next thing i know she 'labelled' my son with autism. I tried real hard ot explain that he isnt like that, i mean come on, he is my son i think i know him better than someone who just met him for 20 mins isnt it??? but she didnt give me a chance and kept on writing her evaluation on her 'newly labeled research'.

I wanted to walk out of the office then she told me something that made me stop.

"I would also suggest a hearing test actually, It would not be a case of deafness but there is also a possibility that he cant hear certain frequencies and thus sometimes apears to be deaf. Television is mono toned hence everyone can hear it but human voice is different, nobody says the same things with the same tone. He could be suffering from that instead. Mainly because he is still young so we still cant confirm on autism. He will be checked on by our group of professionals on Autism, i will arrange an appt for that and a hearing test if its ok for you."

OF COS ITS OK!!!!!!!! I WAS THRILLED TO HEAR THAT!!! I mean if its really a case of hearing a hearing aid or a minor operation will help my son and he'll be able to live life as any other average kid! But then again if its really autism, at least now as a mother i will know exactly how i can help my son.

Suddenly, i realized my son was never really bothered by thunder since he was a baby... not once did he ever get shocked by the roaring of thunder when it rains. NOT ONCE. Then could it really be a heariing problem?? My heart desperately hoping its a hearing problem.

After we're done, i asked Zy "darling u wanna go to the toilet?"

He pulled his pants indicating "yes"

When we finally left the hospital i thought to myself , 'im only gonna know the outcome in december so i shant stress about it now.... we'll just focus on other stuffs and lead life as per normal'.

Zy would be performing in his school year end concert dancing the 'chicken dance' and his 3rd birthday would be around the corner ...lets just get pass it then ..

God, please bless zy...