Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Communication device gives me hopes

http://blog.theautismsite.com/angrykreedcommunicates/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=autaware-paid&utm_campaign=angrykreedcommunicates&utm_term=20141125

Dear all parents with kids that is on the spectrum.... take a look at the video i shared 😊 if u r thinking of whether or not to get a device, this is awesomely helpful~~~~

Monday, October 13, 2014

Zyon zyon wat do u see? I see mommy looking at me~~~

Bought zyon a 2nd hand book by eric carle who is very famous for his illustrations and story of "the very hungry caterpillar" the last time called "polar bear polar bear wat do u hear?". And i have no idea how he went on to sing it as a song that goes :-

"Polar bear polar bear wat do u see?
I see a lion looking at me~~~"

And he went on the same melody but saying the right animals for the rest of the book. He loved that book and now its kindda tattered and torn but still its his favorite book.

Went to kinokuniya the other day and saw the book "brown bear brown bear wat do u see?" And he was thrilled!!! Then he started singing and went on to the next page "i see a red bird looking at me" 😄😄😄😄 totally awesome! !!! Another surprise to me from my precious lil baby.....

So i thot maybe i can try "the very hungry caterpillar" next... hm..... i wonder... cos personally i have no idea wat that stoey is about actually but it seems zyon is very into its illustrations! I shall explore more and update again 😊😊😊

Cheers ppl!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Tablets!!!!

A link to further make me feel better for my theory on my post yesterday 😄😄😄😄😄

http://blog.theautismsite.com/dillan-speech/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=autaware&utm_campaign=dillan-speech&utm_term=20141007

The "CENT"ury of technology and gadgets

Few hundred years ago, there were no computers, no tv, no gadgets, no smartphones . Most imptly, no electricity. The human species have evoluted and has proven that the human brain once "activated" , we are smart creatures without the help of technologies. In those days, "technologies" were refered as "strategies".

Its the 21st century now, the world has changed. As much as i hate to admit,  i fully agree that everytime my smartphone beeps, i get a little dumber. I depend very much on my smartphone for every little thing in my life. As a working mother, i use my smartphone which i shall refer to as my "bestie" , for replying of emails, googling for the latest fashion code, buying stuffs that i cant get anywhere in my country, calculator,  listening to music, watching movies, reading ebooks, sending proposals, calling my husband from the toilet when there is no shampoo left on the rack and even now, blogging.

Apps are seriously useful, no matter how old you are, there is definitely a certain number of apps you can download just by "poking" the screen of your very own "bestie". And once again as much as i hate to admit, it has saved me from a lot of drama when it comes to my kids. Unnecessary cryings throughout the car ride, at the dinner table where the kids are done but you are still halfway through your meal or so long you are in the middle of "waiting" , you will be grateful for the invention of smartphones. 😢😢

Yes i do agree with children experts that says "electronic devices are not good for children", etc etc blah blah blah . I really agree on it. However, viewing from another perspective, its just like computers. 

When computers were first invented, its was a huge thing. Good use, helped alot blah blah blah,  then kids started playing games... addicted to surfing online... bio hazard games... so on and so forth. And the people who used to think the greatest invention of all times starts thinking its not a good thing after all. And bad reviews abt computers started. Which till date is still a bad thing however the human species are not able to live without one after they have owned one.

Many parents like me agree that tablets and those electronic devices are bad for our kids, but the biggest group of consumers are these people. How ironic.  Lol
Well, like slapping myself in the face, i really cant find a reason to convince myself that my kids are better off without a tablet.  Just like the computers only era, although it was a wrong (not bad) invention, and people know it , they still have to learn it and accept it. Cos this is what the society is made of already. It has quietly crept into our lives and became so important that everyone has to have that teeny wee bit of knowledge about it. And today if u are not computer literate, u cant get a good job, you cant connect to the world,  u cant do many things.

Same thing goes with tablets. Its bad i know, but the future is gonna be all abt tabs... at least for the next 5 to 7 years before something much more tech savvy is being invented. And by then the world is moving and working with the help of tabs but your kid dont even have the knowledge of "how to use one " who will be crying then? The kid. Who to blame then? The parents who didnt get them 1 😧😧

Its not an excuse, but breathe in and think about it. Its really not wrong.
I was looking through the website of Autism speaks, one of the biggest organization for Autism and i saw they had a link on their page stating "apps". I clicked in and started browsing, whoa i must say im SUPER IMPRESSED. THE SPEECH COMMUNICATOR??!!!!!!!!!!! GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Something that i have always wanted 😍😍😍 and the next moment, its zyon's birthday next month. I started my crazy research and reading countless reviews and thought about it for a whole month!!!! Finally........ as a parent,  i have decided.... yes.......

I did it. Zyon is getting one for his birthday. 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

Alright. ...... i know you must be thinking me writing so much crap for wat right??.. oh well, to be truthful, whatever i have written is really what i think, a small part though is making myself feel better as a parent that yep i got my 5 years old baby a tab for his birthday this year. However i am really excited about the speech communicator, if you are one of those parents who really want to try on it go to autism speaks website and you will be able to find apps catered to either apple or android usage, i have scanned through its awesome 😄😄 and as im using a tablet, the playstore has alot of apps catered for autism!!! Go take a look!!!

Im super excited. And i cant wait to see zyon's face when he gets his present 😊😊

Monday, September 1, 2014

Just me and you

Me and u,
Just us two.
I kept asking myself how to get into your world, or how can i bring u into mine.
Then i realise baby, it seems we have done it.
I was experiencing ur world while we were living in mine.

Its a magical experience for mummy, and im so grateful this is happening.

I knew we would be able to bond together in our own way, i thank god i have u...

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Mother, you create me

****ps: please be prepared that there may be some crude comments and words used. But no offense to anyone out there, i still respect each and everyone especially doctors. Wat is written is plainly just views of my own. Should i offend you, i would first like to apologize, pardon me for using some offensive words. *****

This morning, the house was extreme chaotic. And recently alot of issues had happened at home and boy was it rough.

What made things rough?
Ignorance.

As u all know i moved from my mum's place over to my aunt's, it began with lots of love, patience and loads of understanding and gradually moved on to a point where people start getting fedup.

Zyon has autism.

This is something that i have to constantly remind the older generations living together with me. Now that they have started screaming becos of how "zyon is climbing up and down the sofas again!!!" , "zyon is going to spoil the dvd player if he continues to change the dvds constantly" and "zyon simply doesnt listen!!!!"

Know wat? Im sick of all these crap. Sick of telling them the "issues" that my son has. And so i retaliated back at them in their way, screaming "a normal child would not listen and do things according to ur ways, wat makes u think a child with autism will listen just cos u r screaming??????"  Honestly, the scariest part in raising a special needs child is not about the child at all, its the " normal" people that is around the child.
People only want to listen to wat they wanna hear so at the end of the day the only conclusion of a pack of crazy bitches could come up with was the typical - blame the mother issue. That the mother (me) spoilt the child.
I am the mother. Zyon is my responsibility, and when he grows up, im his only frend, his only support, his only dependant kin. In short im his everything! Are these people going to take responsibility of what he will turn out to be? No. So dun judge me on how i teach my child. Im his mother, i only want the best for my child. Like it or not suck it in and accept the fact that im the responsible one and i will do it my way.
They said im the only one that can control him, why dun they see that the reason is becos i listen to my child? Why dun they learn that screaming will not help anything and that using my strategy on zyon will infact help them handle his meltdowns and tantrums????? Nope they have to think that screaming helps and my ways are madness. Its ironic isnt it? Humans. I dunno whether we have evoluted to being dumb or just plain retards. Selfish and contradicting.

Imagine the stress im having, i can only think that zyon is having a worse time compared to wat im facing. And my heart breaks. But look at him. He went to school this morning and we were late due to traffic, by the time we got to school the assembly hall was empty and everyone was already in class. His classroom was pretty far from the hall , and there was a long stretch of road with stairs to get to his classroom. My son with autism, carried his bag, singingnhis nursery rhymes, with a big smile on his face walked all by himself all the way to his classroom!!! With no help.

He never fails to surprise me and impress me all at the same time.

I was so happy and im still having that happy feel in me while im typing this out! This made me realise however that yeah i have become slightly over protective of my child... hahahahaha its like he can do all these!!! And in my heart i was really..... content! How much has my baby grown.... how many things he can do already!! Im so proud of my baby..

Then while thinking of zyon, his future, i cant help but ponder wats next.
Recently we went to the hospital for a checkup and spoke to the doctor. In terms of his education which by the way is considered the most important thing im singapore, i have decided to wipe pathlight school off.
I mean i was really excited about that school and everything, it was a haven to me. But i didnt think that was it really what my child need? See till date zyon still refuses to hold a pencil or pen and of cos he is not exactly interested in writing words, solving math problems and sorting out shapes as per how its supposed to be learnt. He sees words as letters, math as numbers and shapes as just shapes. He sees all these not in an academic way but more of his own creation. He makes up music and sings all the time , counts all the time and have fun like he wants it to be. Its not wrong. Everyone sees things in their own way and solves problems in their own way , thats wat makes us different isnt it? The only thing is zyon doesnt judge. But every other people judge him. Life is never fair. It definitely not fair to my child. At least thats wat i think.

Back to pathlight. Its an awesome school catered to children with autism. But able to score academically.  Its not easy to get into pathlight, they will have to see zyon's iq tests in order to qualify to get into the school, there is just that number of positions, just that no. Of children they can take it, so filtering is not choice but a must. Zyon can get it, but to maintain his position in the school solely depends on his academic results. Now the question is, do i want this for my child? The pressure of a mainstream curriculum in a school catered for children with autism, or do i want him to focus more on lifeskills and less pressure? To be happy?
Special education is available. And the center i have chosen is AWWA. They have their own curriculum and its catered for autism children from 7 all the way to 18. It is a pretty good option. I have been thru a mainstream school, faced tests, gone thru essays, series of examinations for an education that have not been much help to me in the working world. That kind of stress for the normal child that i was , i hated it. And to put my special needs child thru that same ordeal i had , its just killing me.  I have discussed with a couple of close frends in regards to education for my child and they all came back with a same thinking, "lets just see what the doctor says".

To me is doctors would not be where they are now if there werent tests and years of research, observance and experiments done on real human beings to give them the knowledge. All these printed on textbooks, read and learnt by normal humans ,go thru series of tests and examinations , weeks of nights burnt off trying to memorize the longest name of a certain prescription,  understanding the formula of dosages , cause and effects of drugs activating in a human body, and when lucky enough based on the understanding of medicine , biology , these normal people graduate and work in hospitals where trials and errors start giving them experiences and years later boom they are doctors. A pen with written notes can determine how much drugs is going into your body , drugs that may prolong your life, drugs that may destroy your organs. In short control your life.
These doctors sit down in a 45mins session with your child that has a label "autism" big and bold in black on the medical file, again with a pen and a piece of paper write notes and ticks in the small boxes beside the little printed words on another piece of paper which they call a test sheet then sentence your child with a decision of mainstream or special education curriculum, and as another normal human being u are becos u din study medicine, u simply just listen to doctors and proceed with watever they say and make a decision that will change a child's life forever. This is something i cant bring myself to do.

I dont know what is medicine, i dont know the history of doctors, i dont know how autism was diagnosed and named , i dont know the names of prescriptions, i dont know what drugs can do to you. Im not a graduate. I have no certificate.

Wat i know is im a mother of a child with autism,  the child i carried in my womb for 10 months, gave birth to and handled all by myself since they day he came into this world. The child who i see grow, the child whom i bathed for and fed , the child who's first education of life came from me. Years of companionship just me and my child comparing to a doctor with a 45mins session with my child. I figured i am the only one that knows wat is better for my son.

However i cant help but feel lost. One single decision i make will change my son's life. This is what im nervous and scared about.. what am i to do?

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

"Mummy, life is not how u live"

Rushed home last night after work to spend some time with the kidlets.. The moment i opened the door screams of "mummy"!! came and zyon smiled, the widest smile :) Sometimes it just makes me feel stress free just looking at their smiles.. nothing beats the smiles of the people you love..

Being mummy is hard and honestly, im not the perfect kind of mummy. Friends asks me, do i regret having the kidlets. My answer ? Yeah. In a way.

Had i known bringing zyon to this world would make him go through the ugly side of how humanity has created the "society" i would never have my baby. Humanity, comes with a huge load of irony and contradictions. That makes it hard to live. To live is not difficult, whats difficult is the process of living. Me alone is not able to make a difference on how to make the environment better enough for the benefit of my child, or rather children with special needs. Everyone is working on their children based on their own way of living, their own thots. Getting people to know about Autism and other special needs, more has to be done.

Some parents are wat we call "normal" family. No thots, only try to create the "model" family that everyone looks, envies and agrees. Have breakfast in the morning, sends the kids to school, have dinner together, supervise homeworks, send kids to extra curriculum lessons, etiquette teachings, family day on sunday with pancakes on the tables. Why pancakes? no idea, basically everyone with "classy modern thinking" must have pancakes with bacon and eggs with milk and juice plus coffee with daddy reading his papers and the kids having cereals and mum by the stove waiting to make more pancakes. Just like the movies.
Some, based on how they were brought up and carry on the vicious cycle of the values and teaching they have received from their parents. Putting in on their children, thinking that "this" is then the right kind of teaching they should receive not realizing the next generation will just be like them. Makes them  more like family maybe? Apparently these people thinks that they are "normal"but not quite there yet.
Some just wants to make a difference. Tries to give their children what they didnt have to begin with and end up getting lost somewhere because they do not have the slightest idea what to really do.

Which kind are you?

Im thinking i belong to the 3rd kind. Tried to make a difference and end up getting lost somewhere. Honestly , lets face it. NOBODY can make perfect parenting. But this is not a bad thing mainly because such is life sometimes. Life needs people of all kinds to create a certain balance. Its only when there is peace and equality, something is then wrong.

its only nobody wants to be at the bottom of the human class.

Its this kind of "society" makes me panic and wake up in the middle of the night thinking what am i going to do next. Im having a race with time, at the rate zyon is growing up day by day..
The ignorance level of autism is nearly zero in the "society" that i live in, and yes its affecting me. Its affecting my son. - Thats wat i thought.

However i have come to realise, i maybe wrong. It is affecting me somehow, but zyon is living his life stronger than me. I admire my child.
He views the world in his own way, handles his stress in his own way even though not being understood by the people around him. People we see as important, friends and family. He faces this world technically by himself. And he is only 5. He thinks and acts straight forwardly, doesnt think about embarrassment, isnt afraid to have no friends, does what he feels like doing, focus on what interests him, have no issues with time, not caring on how to make others happy so he is liked and not being disliked.

Isnt this all what we all really want but yet we cant do it?

My son is 5, and he is stronger than the people around him.

I admire my son's way of life, i salute his thinking towards life. I thought as a mother i should be teaching him about the world. But no, my son is teaching me about life.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The "Sibling Syndrome"

Look at how my prince has become  a fine young man..

Zyon has been attending his EIPIC Program and if u want me to comment on his overall acceptance of the program, I would say more or less it did help him.

As he grows, zyon has shown signs of his improvement, but as a mother with the extra spot of emotions, I tend to givr in to him most of the time.. yeah in a way im failing.. but like all the mothers in the world, I love the smile on my baby's face and no  matter how old he gets, he will always be a baby to me. 
However,  I now have another bigger issue, the sibling syndrome.


As u all know I have a baby girl too. A wat u would call "normal" child. She turns 3 this year and have no knowledge of the world, still believes that clouds are made up of cotton and santa claus is real. She doesnt know why her brother refuses to play with her, talk to her and hits her when they try to fight over a toy. I tried explaining and of cos zonya doesn't understand and she resents her brother even though as human, deep in her she still loves and cares for her brother.

Issues among siblings, as a mother I know it can never be prevented and it would mean fights, lots of crying and yelling as well as punishments. But as a mother of a child that has autism and a child that is "normal", fights would seem more than just toy issues,  cryings and yellings would seem to affect everyone and punishments would seem as cruelty. How do i gauge and create the balance? I have no idea. 

Fighting about toys, i emphasize the fact that all toys are to be shared, and the cryings and protestings starts making me wanting to punish the both of them but on what grounds? Its not that Zyon wants to fight but he doesnt know how to manage his "attraction" toward that toy and zonya just wants to claim "whats mine" to herself because the feeling of being neglected that her brother gets all the love and attention. Then comes the crying and yellings where zonya would start crying and zyon starts to have a meltdown due to the stress of him wanting something but doesnt get it. Times like this nobody would quieten down and listen to wat mummy has to say… so i turn to punishment. 

Punishment, the biggest issue i have on hand.

Basically, to put myself in zyon's point of view, he did no wrong, and to punish him for something he would not understand what went wrong is not exactly fair, even if i throw in an hour's long of explanation as to why i do that, i guess even a typical child like zonya at 5 will not be able to understand. And to put myself in Zonya's point of view, she is jealous of all the attention that zyon has and the times where zyon goes "scot free" for the "baby crimes" he does whereas zonya is being stopped. Thus not fair too. To strike the balance of being fair honestly, as mummy im having a huge headache. Cos either way, it doesnt work "that way". 


I actually understood the importance of the "sibling syndrome" years back when i first started researching on autism. However along the way i neglected the fact that it was an issue that i would not be able to run away from and now its time that i face it. Having to be fair, i guess the first step i would do is probably split my weekends to spending time with each of them alone. One day mummy all to each of them , a weekend each. To get to the next level i guess would definitely require me to really plan my strategy. (wipes sweat**)

Let me think on more ways to get the kidlets to overcome this new syndrome and see how well it will work? lol

The year 2014

Havent blogged in a while, feeling like a phase of lost time, time gaps.. tough 2013 and unknowingly its mid 2014.

If you have been following my blogs about zyon's updates, i would like to apologize that i havent updated much for so long. zyon is 5 this year, although i still have no idea how is my son dealing with himself in his world filled with colors but i havent stopped trying to see his world. 

5 years old, how my zyon has grown :)
Fatter, (lol)
taller.

Its the year where he is going to take his IQtest for his enrolment into primary school… keeping my fingers crossed.
For those who had read my posts from the beginning, you should know that zyon did not used to talk. Now , he sings, says things word by word. How hard my son is trying makes me weep with heartache and with joy. 

Rhymes and songs, zyon enjoys them and singing makes him relieve his stress. 
But he is beginning to show more of facial expressions, twitching of his face and recently starts to hit himself… signs of which as a mother i was hoping never to have to face, as a mother (too) that has done her researched, this was expected. 

Now as he grows, more and more i will be expecting, 
more and more he will be going through…

This shall be a journey we both will go through together… for the rest of our lives. Stay with me here as i continue updating my journey with my special son.

the 3 words my son never says but shows me everyday

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