the "all-so-familiar" ache in my heart

Just when i thought things were looking good and progressing, i havent worried so much and forgotten about my pain, i saw zyon doing something that brought tears back to me.

He was at my mum's dressing table, where there are bottles and bottles of skincare, lining them up nicely side by side.... i was so down when i saw him doing that.... for that was the first sign of his autism that i knew of when he was barely 2.. and recently he started having an issue with the lift at our storey. He must make sure the lift door closes before he head home or on our way out.

Zyon was never about routines even when i knew about his condition. He was different. No routines was set up by him or whatsoever. But suddenly he decided to claim the "lift" as his territory.

the door must be closed

 

 

Its times like this i feel i cant wait to send him for his early intervention, but i have to wait because the center hasnt contacted me yet for anything... waiting is something that i hate.....

 

Then i brought him out to the bookstore, he threw a huge tantrum cos he was tired. He laid on the floor and cried so hard that everyone in the store turned to look at him, because i was paying at the cashier, i just walked over and held out my hand, he took it and stood up then stopped. People were behind me "oohhing and aahhing" , then i turned and look at them, they gave me a weird look and i just walked away.

 

 To me is you dont know me, you dont know my son, dont give us judgmental stares. Save them for your own family members. Thank you.

 

 

 

 



bye 2012... hi 2013!

We've been back for awhile now and even though bringing 2 kids out all by myself is difficult,  i have to do it. I cant be locking ourselves up in the house 24/7 right? So i brought the kids to take the public transport! It was really fun and because zyon is 3 yrs old now i wasnt sure if he needed to pay his fare for the transport so i brought him to enquire. The station officer was telling me to measure his height by the little cardboard stand to see if he is over 0.9m, and if he is, then yes he will have to get an ezlink card! Of course zyon is over 0.9m!!!!

Its SOOOOOO CUTE!!! I know its abit over hahaha but my son has his own ezlink card makes me so happy!!! he is all grown up! And his fare was 35cents!! LOL

Taking the MRT was really a new experience for them cos we usually drive and the other alternative was just the taxi. Now that they get a chance to try the public transport, they were super excited!

Now that 2012 is almost coming to an end, 2013 is just around the corner. Now i am really just looking forward to him going to his new school and new environment. Im not sure how well he can adapt but im hoping for the best!!! 

Got zyon a new schoolbag. Because his new school is about half an hour walk from our house so i thought that hey maybe we could walk to school every morning as a for of exercise? And we can "talk" along the way, so a good backpack with good back support is important for my growing child :) okok this only applies to me, so it doesnt mean im asking parents who are reading this to get it ok? haha its just me. lol


These days i have been really caught up with the kids and the stuffs that we need so i havent really been blogging, but i will update soon about progress and other issues!!

we are going to the zoo zoo zoo, how about u?

Its only been days since we've moved back, and we thought of bringing the kids to the place where all kids will 'woo' and 'wah'. The Zoo!

Ok it all began when my mom and i brought the kids out for a walk and do a little shopping at the heartland malls, then we passed by this shop selling stuffed animals. Its the kind u will find in the shops selling in the Zoo. Looked really real...

Zyon and zonya stood outside the shop for the longest time refusing to leave and seeing them getting so excited about these 'fake' animals, mom and i decided we should just go to the zoo! They will be even happier! So we rushed home in a taxi and got ready all that we need, off we go to the Zoo.

When we arrived, mom thought maybe we should grab a bite first before going in, so we stopped for KFC outside and was munching halfway, the rain started to pour... i mean really POUR. We were disappointed that we rushed and came all the way only to eat KFC..... then go home. Stupid right? Then mom said "lets not waste the trp, we'll just go in and see how it goes, maybe the rain might stop". So we bought the tickets and went in. Because iit was raining so we just went into the shop first to let the kids see the different stuffed toy animals. Zyon was so excited!!!! Walking here and there, taking one stuffed animal and walking to another, thinking which is better, put one back and take a new one over and over again. Suddenly, the exit of the shop was filled with people wearing yellow, orange and green. I was thinking 'huh why?' Then i realised 'oh.... its raincoats... selling in the shop for visitors to proceed their little adventures in the zoo with their kids'. ...Me and mom then went over and got the raincoats as well. Zonya fell asleep in my toddler carrier so we shared one raincoat, mom got one and my little zyzy got one kids size too!!!! SO CUTE..... When we put on the raincoat for zyzy.... he started screaming. Tears were rolling down his little cheeks and he cried and cried!! I started laughing! Laughing out loud becos he was just TOO CUTE! He didnt like the raincoat and he's never went into the rain before so he was uncomfortable until i showed him that 'look baby, everyone is wearing the same thing'! He stopped. He started looking around and we proceeded to look at the animals. Because the raincoat was quite hard and stiff in material, zyzy started walking around like a scarecrow! CUTE TO THE MAX! We started laughing at how cute he was and he started thinking everything was ok. Soon he was too busy looking at the animals around.

Soon Zonya was up too and we were at the baboons area, both kids were so excited sticking their face onto the glass pane and saying "woo woo ahh ahh" me and mum laughed so hard!! It was so funny! We then went to the rest area cos the rain just wont stop and decided forget it , lets just go home. The raincoat was making us warm and sweaty and the rain just wont stop, without any form of breeze the humidity was a silent killer!! We slowly walked back out, now me carrying zyon because he was so tired after walking so much and mum carried zonya. We were 'half dead" by the time we reached the exit!! Then we saw that u could actually rent a stroller for the kids! Mum was like "we are so stupid" and laughed.

Waited for the taxi and went home, the kids were too tired and went snoring away... It was a fun experience even though we didnt really went round the zoo.....

Know what? I WILL DO IT AGAIN. ROTFL!!!!!

tsk, so rude.

hey there! Just moved house and currently still trying to settle down hence havent been blogging for like the longest time....

ok, the reason why we moved was because zyon has to go for therapies and early intervention programs so we decided to relocate back and move in with my mother first. Getting a house now is quite impossible because of the fnances thats gonna incur.. so here we are living in my mother's house and trying very hard to stay by her rules.... plah!

The other day, i attended a workshop put together by the hospital for us parents, it was a 4 and a half hour workshop. I felt...... at the end of the day was a waste of time. Im really happy that a workshop was organized for us parents to know more about the early intervention programs and stuffs but what the people were saying to us were really just written on the notes that  they handed out. Its like reading out to me what is written on the notes thats all. I mean before they were saying anything i have already read the notes and understooded the steps. So is like "hey the notes is really useful and provided lots of information for me. Thanks ah!!!" but the reading out was.... "its ok, i can read. thanks" So i was more looking forward to the parent support section which is supposed to be held as the last segment.

I was early when i reached, I guess i was about half an hour earlier. Mainly becos i have no idea where the exact location of the seminar room was so i thought maybe going there earlier will give me ample time to find the seminar room and not be late for the workshop. And yep i was the first to be there.

Gradually more and more seats were filled up. A lady then came in and brought along her 70 yrs old looking mother and 16/17 years old looking son and daughter. The social workers looked like they were also embarrassed about asking her why she brought her 'whole' family... And you know whats worse? There werent even enough seats for the other parents who came alone or just with their spouse!!!! Tsk.... rude right? Never mind, the worse thing was the seminar was supposed to start at 1.45pm sharp, and people were as late as 2.15pm!!!!! The social workers then had to apologize to us (the people who came early or on time). I was thinking the people who should really apologize are the late comers isnt it? So rude! walked in even though they were late, not a smile, no apologies, and their expression was like "what?" like as though we owed them and is wasting their time. I especially hate people with such attitude. The clock ticked and at 2.30pm, the social workers decided to start the workshop and proceed although there were 3 more couples that were supposed to be there.  They handed out the notes and stuffs and started explaining the procedures, what is next , who would call how should we choose etc etc.. Ok, all the information was already on the hand out. "Thanks for reading it out to me". I then asked a question and they refered me to the relevant page in the handout with the answer to my question printed on it. "so sorry i must be blind" .

3pm!!!!!!!!! another couple stepped in!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE....... why is people so rude? or they cant tell the time? no 'sorries', no smile!!!!! OMG!!!!!! NO MANNERS.

Anyways and so it continued..... until 3.30pm there was a break for half an hour, 'to be back at 4' they say. I went to the ladies, grabbed a sandwich cos  was practically on the verge of fainting due to starvation!!!!! pplah! And made it back on time at 3.55pm. Abit more reading on the information here and there, questions like "anymore questions?" The room was quiet, nobody said anything, i looked around, nobody was shaking their heads either, for the whole session, 1 father sitting in front of me was playing with his iphone the entire session, (i didnt mean to look over but there he was just right infront facing me) another behind me playing his iphone too the entire time (i know becos while waiting for them to set up com and answering other ppl's questions or break time i look around and there it is. That iphone man behind me) I was appalled. It was like "hey, this is about your child's future, how can u ignore whatever information there is or have the tendency to at least respect the speaker as a human being using her time to explain to morons like u, just put the darn phone into your pockets and sleep with ur eyes open! Its more courteous!!" BUT Nope, they were happily "touching" their screen. ~losers~ (i hate the games function in phones)

Finally, the last segment came since nobody has any questions at all for the speakers, we were split to 2 groups. We were supposed to introduce ourselves and about ou child, what problems they are facing and what problems we are facing as parents. One by one people started to speak. Ok, i made a promise that we are not supposed to reveal what we discussed or heard in the "support group" so i shant type out anything here. All i can say was i didnt cry at all. When did i stop crying? I cant remember. All i know is i've moved on. And as a parent, i must tell myself i dont have a right to cry. What i have to focus on is forward, not look back and cry.

I was really looking forward to this parent support group and thought that maybe i could make a couple of new friends and bring our kids for a playdate together but, hm............. after the social worker said "alright, thats it for today", everyone just turned and took their bags, out they went and never looked back. It was like after they poured out whatever they wanted to say and cried, they walked out of that semimar room as a whole new different person. I was like "huh??!! thats it???" And before i could think of which way to go, people just walked past me and i was all alone standing there. "HUH?"

Ok.................... so much for asking for support or helping each other move forward.

In the room everyone was nice, out the door and hey i dont know u.

Seriously, people need to be friendlier, the world would be a much better place man...

book recommendation!

Hi everyone! For those who are feeling lost and confused, take a deep breathe and count to ten.

If you havent got a clue about :-

• What caused Autism
• What is Autism
• Whats the next step
• Why is your child acting like that
• Tantrums or condition
• The kinds of treatment
• Problems you are facing now, how to solve
• Problems you will be facing in the future
• Will Autism be cured

 

 

This book inspired me, made me stronger, gave me knowledge and taught me about the other world that i didnt know exists.

 

Most importantly, it showed me the way to walk into my child's world and taught me how to get my son to walk into mine as well.

 

I hope it will inspire you like how it inspired me.

 

God bless!! Have a great weekend!

wow progress progress!!

Another week has past by!!! woo! And zyon's been making progress!

Let me first update you on zyon's meet up with the Preschool's principal.

Like i said in a few posts back about the doctor recommending a few mainstream schools that will take in and have teachers with experience handling and communicating with children diagnosed with Autism, i wrote an email enquiring and they replied saying they will be able to see me! I was thrilled! Thinking "finally"!!!
So we made the appointment.

When we reached the school, i was like "wow". Its a catholic kindergarten, huge, playground is huge, garden is huge, classrooms are HUGE. I liked the whole premise! Its very old school, no air conditioning (which i feel also good la cos air conditioning sometimes can make viruses worse as its an enclosed area). Overall its very "nature". Met up with the Principal and talked about zyon's condition. Then she asked about zyon's temperaments, and the first thing i thought of was the 'biting' issue. Because zyon is non verbal and if he was forced to do something that he doesnt want or provoked badly as he cant express himself ,he bites. But of course not the kind that makes people bleed la~~~ So the Principal said they will monitor and watch him and if he has this 'biting' issue as habit she will have to withdraw him out of the school. I thought 'ok...' i understand..
Then we went along to the next topic.

After a while she was observing zyon and was trying to interact with him. In my eyes, i could feel her being genuine. I mean you know sometimes when people play with your kids and their actions and eye contact is like 'im not interested but i have to do it to show im nice'. Its not real. But this Principal showed genuine interest and wanting to know him better. im impressed.
She asked me what my expectation was and i told her " i dont need him to have excellent academic reslts, he doesnt need to score and be number 1. All im looking at is for my son to be able to make friends with hs classmates and be happy, have a good feeling about going to school to make friends and have fun. Thats what im looking at." She said "Ah~ thats good its really good to have parents who are understanding like you, some parents tends to have expectations more than what their child can achieve and it will end up stressing the child, the parents and the teacher." I nodded "yeah i agree".

She felt that zyon was better than what she expected.

All done and we were ready to go, one of the teachers came along and said "hi! whats your name?" So i replied say "zyon" . Then she smiled and said "Hi 5!!" and put her palm out, zyon looked at her in the eye and they hi-5ved. Everyone said "oh!!!!!" in their highest pitch and said "so cute!! he looks so handsome when he smiles! etc etc" .Apparently they didnt expect my little boy to 'open up' like that. hhahahahahah it was funny la.

So school is settled.

Progress progress!!! Zyon woke up feeling happy and started dancing , singing and saying "star star star" while pointing to the glow in the dark stars i stick on his wall... i laughed. And he used to play cars by flipping them over and starts turning their wheels, now he started playting the cars like how its supposed to 'zooming' on the floor. Its good progress isnt it? haha!!! im a proud mommy!

My little boy never stops surprising me with his new "point of view" every single day. Its like every single day is a new day!

Coming to think of it, there are quotes like 'live life to the fullest, live everyday like a new day etc.."

My boy can be a good example to everyone.

He lives life everyday like a brand new day.

Again, i learnt a new meaning of life from my son :)

i learnt something new on the weekend~

Hey everyone! Its a monday.... i know it sucks but hey, you'll never know if somehing good will happen today right? So suck it up and be happy!!

So fast its a new week.. i have been doing alot of researching and reading. Found out some new information got inspired by alot of people. Also got some new questions that i need to find answers to.

Was watching a video about the different kinds of Autism and the host of the short documentary was a young girl who has the condition called Asperger's Syndrome. Her name is Rosie. She has dreams, goals and ambitions. Just like an average kid. However, the things that she sees and her "logic" is different from an average person. Thats all.


These are what i've found out researching during the weekend:

If you think that a person with autism doesnt know whats going on around them and havent got a clue about life, you are so wrong, they infact know and understands whats going on and whats wrong with them, but they cant control themselves.

They can be very sensitive with their senses, every little sound, light, smell that we think is normal can be exaggerated 50X more to them. Imagine sitting in a cafe and having a conversation with your friend, its very normal to you but to people with autism, they get very distracted with everything going around. For example, the door is opening and losing,people are walking in and out , people are staring, the noise the coffee grinder is making.. etc etc. It all comes together. They struggle and face challenges every single day on things that we take for granted.

Only 1 out of 6 child with autism can get a full time paying job when they grow up, Out of 4 , 3 children with autism gets bullied.

Some children will grow to have self injurous behaviour , not that they want to hurt themselves  but they cant help it.Its like a can of coca cola, if you shake it but you dont open it, it'll explode, a normal person being locked up in a body they cant control... the most hurtful part is they dont wanna do it, but they cant control it.

Autism is a neurological disorder. And there is no cure yet. It impacts the typical development of the brain and people diagnosed with the condition finds it hard to communicate with others or relate to the outside world, hence they may not have friends and they do not understand social ettiquett. Its defintely not caused by bad parenting and its not a form of mental illness. It affects the person but does not define them. And like all people, they have their strength and weaknesses .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw a video as well on a teenage girl named carly, she was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 2. Her parents neve gave up, she was non verbal. One day at the age of 10, carly reached over to their laptop and typed "help teeth hurt" . Everyone was shocked! So she practiced and practiced typing with one finger communicating with her parents and people worldwide who knows about her story.
See?
Dont give up on your child or people around u that has a condition of autism. You'll never know what to expect!

I find that there are still many parents out there who still refuse to recognise the condition of their child. Ignoring it thinking its a nightmare that will go away eventually. And some parents who acknowledges the condition and start drowning the child with love, giving in as and when the child wants something, dont get it and throw tantrums.

I feel that everything has to be in moderate. Moderate pressure to give to the child to learn, moderate pressure to give in to the child when throwing tantrums. We as parents shouldnt ignore their condition and also not giving in to whatever they want just because they have a condition. Everything has to be in moderation. Of cos the level of moderation, you will have to gauge yourself because you know your child better than any doctors or therapist who have seen him/her .  Every child is different. Whatever advice doctors and therapists gives you is based on the average, so it is your job to find the most suitable and comfortable way for your child to grow and learn.

Me myself, i teach zyon in my range of moderation, when he throws a tantrum, i will ask him what is it he wants. He will try to gesture to me and of cos as his mother one look and i know what he wants but  try to make him communicate with me which he always tries. If its something he can play with i will give it to him and at the same time explain that he just has to tell me or gesture to me, no need for tantrums. And if its something that is not allowed for him to play with, i give him a firm NO. Of cos the word no will make him yell and scream, i will continue to say no. And explain. If he still insists after about 5 times and i cant get him to stop, the cane will appear and i will say "stop zyon". He sees it, and will stop immediately. Wipes his tears and get other toys to play. (i used the cane once only on his leg a long time ago and he remembers how it felt) This has proven he knows. And he can be taught not to throw tantrums as and when he likes. He tends to bang his head on the floor on certain times and he realised its painful so now when he does that, he goes slow motion (very slowly) and hit his head against the floor and when i ignore him he will walk over, take my hand and rub his head gesturing for me to love him. I will rub his head, kiss him then explain to him that behaving this (banging head) is of no use. He stopped doing it.

When do we know when the child is just throwing tantrums or its because of the condition? This is a question i have to find out. This is a question we as parents have to find out.

I just wanna remind all parents out there with their child diagnosed with autism, u are not alone. Dont give up. Deal with it. Focus. There will be times when u wake up feeling really exhausted and frustrated, you are only human. Its ok to feel that way, you are not a bad parent. But DONT let the negativity take over you. DONT allow the negativity to blur your vision and take over your mind.

As i find out more and have more knowledge, i feel more confident in my son, and myself. I now have a clear vision on whats next. I hope i have given you hope. Lets motivate ourselves and move forward!!!!!!!

cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

see the world thru the eyes of a person with autism

People with Autism face challenges and struggles every single day about things that we take for granted.

This video shows how a teenage girl who is non verbal and suddenly one day she went to a laptop in her home and started typing, and so begins her communication with her family and people worldwide..

Her name is Carly.

http://youtu.be/vNZVV4Ciccg


This infact proved that when you think that people with Autism is not aware of whats going on around them and live life like they havent got a clue, then you are SO WRONG.....

See the world thru carly's eyes, see the world through the eyes of people with autism...

http://youtu.be/KmDGvquzn2k

Never give up on your child that is diagnosed with autism, give them the time they need to find a way to open up to you..

have a great weekend.. :)

I can learn too!

ok..... so looking at the picture i posted up there you should know the topic that im going to write about. :)

Getting a school for a preschool child is hard, and getting the right preschool for a child diagnosed with autism is worse!!

A preschool teacher doesnt necessarily need alot of experience or qualifications to teach. That goes to say they also will not really know how to handle or communicate wth a child that is with an autism condition because they dont require that form of training. And as humans, what do you do when you have 12 kids being able to communicate with you and 1 that doesnt? Natural instincts of an average human would ignore the 1 because he or she would be too busy with the 12. And if i were to send my boy to a normal mainstream school with teachers that doesnt know how to communicate with him and leaves him alone letting him do whatever he wants so as not to distract the rest of the class (which i already have experienced a school telling me that) , then what the whole point of zyon going to school at all???? Nowadays in this society, its hard to find a teacher who teaches with passion... im lucky that zyon's previous school teacher is an angel.. she helped alot and spent alot of time on zyon one on one to guide and teach him. I must say my son has improved so much and a great part of it was thanks to her... The Teacher's role in the life of a child with autism is VERY important.

So i got zyon's doctor from the hospital to recommend me schools that are "autism - friendly" , and thank goodness there is such a term!! She gave me a list of schools whereby they have teachers who are trained to teach children diagnosed with autism and they get to interact with an average kid because it is a normal mainstream school! Let me just emphasize one important point, children who are diagnosed with autism is not of low IQ or mentally retarded. They have the thinking and thoughts of a normal child, its just the way they see through their eyes and the reaction they have towards certain issues is different.

To explain in simple words means imagine our body, our 5 senses, why do we feel , know ,see ,smell and hear? when something happens for example we get scalded, the feel the hot touches our skin, the nerves in our body sends messages to our brain. Our brain then process this as hot and pain. But for a person with autism, he or her messengers that were supposed to send these signals are not sending them correctly, its all over the place, hence their reaction towards expressing is not the same. They might not feel the pain at all. In short, people with autism recieves their signals all over the place in their brain and not like what their supposed to like an average person.

For those parents who are like me facing this "school problem" and are panicking, dont worry, check with your child's doctor for alternatives and advice. Im sure they will have the sufficient information for you.

For those parents who thinks that your child is the smartest and you wont want other children to distract your child's progress in school, pls ah , you dont own the school. Dont like it, move your child to another school ok?

remember : Autism is NOT contagious. IGNORANCE IS.
                   Autism is NOT a tragedy. IGNORANCE IS.

just for you to know more

 





what the world needs now is love sweet love

Have you ever felt lonely?

Have you ever felt helpless?

Have you ever felt lost?

Have you ever felt exhausted?


If yes, do you remember how you wished someone was there for you during those times?
How you wished someone knew how you felt and understood what you were going through?

Now that you made it through those dark times, look around you.

Can you see someone else feeling lonely, helpless, lost, exhausted and in their dark times?

Be their that special someone. Make a difference.

Talk to them, show them that you care, it will not take up too much of your time.

Make a difference, you might be able to help alot. Be it just being a listening ear, emotional support, mental support.

make the first step.

And pass this to another person, it would go round.

The world would be a much better place isnt it?

Compassion is what humanity needs now. Lets not be selfish and ...

Make a difference 

 



ah... my questions are answered

Yesterday was the evaluation of zyon's condition for autism. We were supposed to have a hearing test and then see the doctor for an assessment for zyon's autism test.

I must say after seeing so many professionals, im feeling exhausted. Going through the same questions, me answering the same answers, then going through new questions and zyon being watched and observed by new doctors..... i just hope to get a conclusion so i can move on to the next step.

When we reached the hospital for the hearing test appointment, the queue was fast and we got to see the audiologist very quickly. Tried all ways and means but zyon wouldnt give in. He kep screaming and crying! And since doing a hearing test requires him to keep very quiet for at most 5 mins, to my little boy its literally impossible. First, he has this hate relationship with doctors aka anybody that wears a white cloak and had lots of equipments in a room, and second, he hates it when u put an "earpiece thingy" into his ears except for a thermometer. He screamed and screamed. So the audiologist then suggested us to reschedule the appointment whereby they will get a doctor's letter to sedate zyon, just a mild one, for him to sleep to finish the test. Well, like i sad we tried everything and nothing worked so left without a choice, i agreed to the suggestion.

There was still an hour before zyon's appointment with the doctor for autism, so we took a walk around the area and there were so many shops sellng all kinds of toys and stuffs!! Naturally my kids were super excited. We walked into mothercare and the new "LeapPad2" caught my attention. My bestie wrote in her blog "Mother's Avenue" about it you can go check it out. Apparently this pad has 300 over learning games for children 3 - 9 years of age, it has both camera and video recording function, not to mention colouring , writing, music and many more. So  decided to get it for zyon. An early xmas present :p

• 
• tadah!!

Was half an hour to the appointment, we decided to do the registration first. After registration, a very kind nurse came over to inform us that due to certain circumstances, there are 2 more patients ahead of us and we had to wait for another hour. There were toys and books so we decided to just wait and not walk around. So long as the kids are entertained.

Time was passing slowly and waiting can be the worse feeling in the world..... So while waiting and the kids were having fun playng the toys in the waiting area, i was scanning the room. I heard a couple squabbling and natural human reaction was 'turn to look'. Their accent was quite strong and i couldnt really hear what they were squabbling about, but it seems it was because of their child's condition. I guess this is their first time seeing the doctor in regards to their child's development. The wife was blaming the husband about something and the husband was turning it back on her. Then they were getting louder and noticed me looking, the wife shushed her husband and they went back down on the tone. Of cos i realized i was rude to be listening to their conversation so i quickly looked away. We were in the same waiting room with small kids, so of cos there were a few times where we had eye contact. From her actions and they way she was talking to her child annd of co previously to her husband, i feel her defensive level is quite high. Its like trying to protect her child from being judged by other parents there. Its not wrong. Every mother tends to react like this the first time when told their child is different. Its a mother's instinct to protect her child. I've been through, i know how it feels. I wanted to walk over to talk to her as a kind of support but hahaha her defensive mode is on full power. So i thought, forget it, dont be such a busy body, so i turned away. Then after a while, while playing with my daughter cos she isnt a "fan" of waiting, i noticed somebody looking at me, i turned and saw another mother. She looked at me like i was weird. To me is singing a nursery rhyme and acting like a clown to entertain my children doesnt make me look crazy... does it? hahaha . Then i smiled at her and her child. OK........... she looked at me with a very defensive gaze.... i was taken aback and thought to myself "wow.... alright.... be defensive, you have all the right in the world to be upset now but pls dont take it out on me, i didnt do anything" LOL!!! I know i looked like that too a couple of months ago..... sad.... but hey things will work out. As parents we will never get over it, we just have to LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT.

Finally after a 2 hour wait, its zyon's turn... The doctor this time round has alot of  patience, was kind and understanding. She gave me the feeling of "being genuine". Its like from her eyes, she looks at zyon (though met for the 1st time) with concern, attention or maybe even love! She apologized that we had to wait so long and i assured her, its ok.

So she started interviewing me, asking me questions that i have answered a gazillion times to the different people who we have already seen, and also new questions. She was very patient to listen to my concerns and explain word by word to me. I told her i am not a medical student , i have no knowledge of medical terms, cause and effect, but i would like to ask how do they define autism in a 45min - 1 hr session just by observing my son and asking me questions? She answered me, i am not able to tell you your son has autism in 45 mins - 1hr session . I can only tell you the signs and as for the severity we need to do a long diagnosis and it requires a period of time. When she told me this, i know i can fully trust her and have faith that finally someone is assuring me and not labeling my son. As we spoke, she was observing zyon playing with the toys around him and in between she calls out to him and "boo" this made zyon laugh alot. She explained why she was asking these questions and she gave me information that i needed. School. (i will follow up on this again)

I told her zyon has been real friendly to strangers as he grows, its like he will hug and hold their hands etc, to me my son is being friendly and nice but when she told me this is actually wrong, i was like "oh!!". She said this is an inappropriate behaviour and that i must start teaching zyon that he must know the difference between family and stangers. Family hugs are good. However if its strangers, and he grows up still doing this, it will be a form of "molestation" by mistake. Wow.... i learnt a new thing. It never occured to me to think in that angle.

After she was done with the questions, she looked at me and said "you would be worried about his learning skills whether or not he can go to a normal mainstream school or special school, social skills whether or not he will make any friends, and getting himself a wife and have his own family."

I nodded.

I told her, "to be very honest with you, i came here mentally prepared, with inner peace. But im very sorry, i cant control myself." And my tears just rolled down my cheeks, drowning my eyeballs with a burning sensation. i said again "i know his condition, i know what has to be done, but somehow even though i tell myself that i have to be strong and there is an acceptance, somewhere deep in my heart, i refuse to acknowledge. Even though i am aware, but im only human. "

I know what its going to be like. I may not be able to see the future now, but i have a brief idea, i may be strong in acceptance (thus writing this blog to help parents to see that its not the end of the wordl) but hey we are only human. There will always be a small part in our heart that refuses to acknowledge. But dont let this small part take over you. Dont think that by refusing to acknowledge it will just go away and disappear.

It will not go away unless you accept it.

Its only through acceptance, then you can get the right help for your child.
Its ony through acceptance, then you can create a future for your child.
Its only through acceptance, then you will be able to get inner peace for you and your child.

Its only through acceptance, then your child will have his/her standing in the society.

Accept and acknowledge is the way to happiness.

remember : We will never get over it, we just have to learn to deal with it.

to spank or not to spank?

Its been 2 weeks since the start of school holidays... and i have been pretty caught up with 2 little ones running here and there ransacking my stuffs, pouring toys out from the toybox and buckets, crying and fighting because of the toys...etc. Not that they dont do that when the holiday hasnt started.. but its worse since they have a whole day with each other now!! Fights even occur because of who gets to shower first!!! Oh my goodness..... who the heck started school holidays man!!!

And today, zyon started showing signs of him missing school... hahaha he took his schoolbag and placed it on the floor just staring at it. And he looked like he was thinking "hey, why am i not in school??" hahahah it was a classic look! 

Of cos i enjoy my kids with me the whole day but hey.. im only human and 2 at the same time sometimes drive me abit crazy!! lol! So, they were fighting again like every other day and today was quite bad. Snatching a small ping pong ball, zyon lost the ball to his baby sister and he got really mad, so he bit her really hard and zonya screamed so badly.... so i pulled zyon to me and said "mommy said no biting darling why dont u listen? Its wrong to bite! we must love each other and share! no fighting!!" And of cos i said the same thing to zonya.

I feel that as parents, we must always teach and remind the children to love each other and when 1 of them shows the wrong behaviour and actions, both of them would get punished. Thats my way of teaching. Some may not agree but hey haha its my kids so.... haha my way! LOL

So when zyon does something wrong and i punish him, i will say firmly to zonya that she musnt do the same thing and what is the consequence if she does it. When zonya does something wrong, i will say firmly to zyon that he musnt do the same and what the consequence is if he does it. And punishment will be the same. When they start fighting i will be like a spoiled radio saying "share! no fighting" over and over again. And if they dont stop, they both get punished. And of cos i scold.

I know theres been alot of reports about how you shouldnt scold or spank your kids as this will make them have depression, hurt their feelings whatsoever, but hey unless you are a parent yourself looking after your kids 24/7, you have no right to judge how other parents discipline their child. Having a helper/ maid in the house to help around be it with the children or the chores is always easier than doing it all by yourself... this is a fact. So if you are one of those parents who think that "hey you shouldnt scold, shouldnt spank its wrong...etc" then pls stop reading this. I dont need you to judge me.

I strongly believe, spare the rod , spoil the child. First, im a chinese. And my culture is different from foreigners. Of cos my scolding and spanking is not abuse.. if i scold, it will mean the tone of my voice is higher and louder. And if i spank it will mean i spank their butt because there is diaper, or ffor zyon's case i control the level of strength. I smack their hands too. And times when they have gone overboard i will use the cane. But i have only used the cane once on zyon's leg. That was it. The rest of the time i just hold it on my hand and becos of the first experience, he knows its painful he does things and follow instructions immediately. And you see my kids love me because even though i spank, they know i genuinely love them with all my heart and soul. I didnt create "monster mommy" in their lives, and they certainly are very attached to me with hugs and kisses. And just because zyon has a condition, i dont see why i shouldnt treat him like any nomal average kid. No differences and excuses would be given when it comes to behaviour and besides most of the time zyon is doing a good job, and i have given him alot of space before stepping in.

We teach with love, not drown the child with love.

I am a parent and of cos mommies like me likes to join those forums to talk about our kids and ask for advice and stuffs, i have seen how some mothers judging other mothers. They say things like "you shouldnt do this, you should ......... you shouldnt scold/yell/scream, you should..... you shouldnt spank, this is abuse..... " HELLO........ pls, if you are not a stay at home mom with no help then pls keep your opinions or judging to yourself. Mommies goes to forum and talk about the problems they are facing and destress to remind them that they are not alone, not for you to start lecturing them and whats worse, they dont even know you!

Some "experts" on children will tell you, if you spank your kids, they will learn and think that only violence will resolve the problem so they start going to school hitting other kids. Its not wong. Whats really crucial is, when you spank your child , pls dont forget to explain why you did that. And of cos i dont mean everytime your child does something wrong you should spank him or her, you must explain first, and if its not accepted, (im talking about kids 2 yrs - 6 years) he or she still dont listen then firm, (in my case i scold) and its still not accepted, then spank.  When they are of age whereby they can start explaining their reasons and actions, better!!!!! i dont think you even need to raise your voice anymore!! (when is it gonna be my turn??)

Im not afraid to admit, yes, i do spank my kids when necessary.To the parents who have been judged on the way you are teaching your own child ,as long as you are not abusing the child, dun be too affected about what ignorant people are saying about you. You are def doing a good job as a parent, dont doubt yourself.  To all the people who like to judge, i dont care about your opinion so........ run along now *shoo*

cheers!!