Monday, December 4, 2017

the 3 words my son never says but shows me everyday


He tries his best to accept what is asked of him on a daily basis whether or not he likes it or being able to accept it. Simple actions, expected reactions for us, to us, from us seem so insignificant and expected, but is probably killing him inside, he just does it.
because he loves us.

"I am Sorry"

When he suffers from a meltdown, reluctance and unwillingness but unable to express through words for me to understand.
He tries to show he is sorry by hugging me tightly. Its amazing that how such a simple gesture, can create such intense and complicated emotion between us.
It brings out just how sorry he is for hurting us incontrollably.
By Hurting, its not only emotionally, its physically. Many a times my baby doesn't realise he is a big boy now and his strength is equivalent to a "Baby Hulk"- thats what i call him.

.. and the one way to give them the I LOVE YOU that they need,

the 3 words from us
patience, love, inclusion

Sunday, November 26, 2017

No more zyon jumping on the bed.

hi peeps~ another week has gone by and oh dear what a hectic one... my life on a daily basis is so adventurous !!

so just to catch up, school holidays had officially started last weekend and i know right to many kids it will be "YAY!!!!!" But this holiday... zyon suffered a hairline crack on his Big Toe.....

Plah!!! **facepalm**

Boys will be Boys!!!!!!! CHILDHOOD CAST.

ok this is like he broke his ankle or something but because doctors at the A&E seriously wanted to immobilise him hence the cast all the way up. Poor boy.
It all started because he was on my bed, hanging upside down and singing but lost control of his weight balance and fell off the bed! He screamed and cried like the worse ever. At this reaction, i knew something is broken somewhere but you know due to zyon being non verbal, he can't tell me where it hurts or how bad its hurting. My first thought was "ok, something is not right", so i carried my 40kg son in my arms and called for a cab and shot straight to the hospital.

The nurses were really helpful after i told them about zyon's condition and we went straight in to the X-Ray room and check on where exactly is broken. My Poor boy... He didn't allow anyone to touch his sore toe but endured and eventually without any struggles, he allowed the doctor to cast him up. After we went home, i laughed at him and sang him his favourite nursery rhyme :
(i know right he is 8 but lol my baby hulk is a nursery rhyme junkie)

"one little zyon jumping on the bed,
he fell off and hurt his leg,
then mommy called the doctor and the doctor said,
no more zyon jumping on the bed"

hahaha!!!!!! he covered his face with his hands and smiled and smiled, embarrassed!! so i said "ah ha!!!! guilty as served!!!" he laughed.

Such an Angel.

you know, I'm so proud of my baby. He always does his best.

His waking up everyday smiling and singing may seem mediocre to many people, but to me, it stands for so much courage. I have never met anyone else thats braver and real as him.

Every single day he faces challenges, real challenges that we take for granted. He always tries his best! and honestly, i wouldn't be able to handle it as well as he does.

I love my baby so so much....

He will be going back for an X ray tomorrow, keeping my fingers crossed i hope all is well and that he will be able to finally get the cast off and start enjoying his holiday!!

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Virtual Reality? **PART 1**

Technology is slowly taking over the world, and as much as it is frowned upon, many too find it really helpful. As you all know, Zyon have been inseparable with his iPad and really relies it on a daily basis. In fact as a non verbal child on the spectrum, till now he is singing and saying many things  that he learnt from the internet world.

The only thing I haven’t done is invite technology to dinner as a way to say a big thank you!

I have met many parents that have commented that taking away their iPads are the best thing that can ever happen. I too have thought about it but yeah am still procrastinating. First thing first, without the iPad there is literally nothing Zyon can do. Living in a country that is basically a city, too crowded for anything would actually mean there is no backyard for him to play in, working mother is never around during the day on a weekday, other than the iPad, there is nothing Zyon can do. So, instead of taking his one and only entertainment away , I might as well focus on what I can do with technology to further my son’s daily activities!

Ok enough of “introducing technology” - autopilot of self defense mechanism - and today I’m not even really talking about iPad or any Apple products, I’m gonna talk about Oculus VR by Samsung. 

Tadah! (VR Oculus with Samsung s8plus)

Ok, back in August, Zyon and I went out for a walk in the mall and we came across the Samsung booth promoting their great offers for National Day. As I had previously already read about what impact virtual reality can have on children on the spectrum, I decided hey why not let Zyon have a go to see his reaction to the virtual world. 

In the beginning, it was all no movement because he was shocked, he kept looking up and down basically because it’s a 360 degree view. Then, he started moving his feet, and from his body actions, you can see that he was actually afraid he would fall and to step forward 😂. He held my hands so tight and I kept reassuring him that “mommy is just right here” , the next thing that happened made me wept! With tears of Joy. 

Zyon’s first ever sentence, describing what he saw 

“Wow! Look at all the stars!!!”


That was the first time in my 8 years with my son, hearing him say a short sentence describing what he saw. I couldn't contain my joy, I was laughing and laughing and felt so happy! 
I texted his teachers, and everyone was thrilled at this amazing response Zyon had. I wanted to buy it on the spot! But!!! here's the catch, this gadget is not cheap at all..... its actually quite pricey. As Oculus is only compatible with Samsung S7 onwards , just the smart phone alone is equivalent to an iPhone and more expensive than an iPad. 

We then explored the VR apps like planets, animals and Disney. These apps are free for download in the Oculus web and there are so many educational choices. example : nat geo and discovery

Honestly I was really tempted to buy it on the spot but wow it was just too expensive, and for it to be affordable, I will have to save some more. haha. During this saving period I did quite a lot of research  on the gadget itself to make sure that the price is justifiable and that it will really be helpful. Ok, I have to admit there is hell lot of games, and if you are a gamer, I can tell you, this gadget is a godsend. 

But im really just into their educational part. Apps like for learning about dinosaurs, animals and planets. Just reading about it online makes me excited! So next month its his 8th birthday, we decided to get him the gadget!!!! And see where it brings him :)

Ok, so if you wanna know more about the gadget, I have linked them below. Take a look and evaluate on whether you think its worth it *winks winks*

I will update on more when he starts using it!! till then!

VR Oculus :
samsung :
VR for autism :

upcoming blog : "The 3 words my son never says, but shows me everyday" 

Friday, October 20, 2017

2 years is a looonngg time


Like what i mentioned on my previous post, its been almost 2 - 3years? Life had been really hectic and.... wow. i dont think i can find the right words now to put it across.

Anyways, zyon had started his new school and its almost the end of his second year already. so far~~~~ so good~~~~~ hahaha. Teachers are really helpful and thoughtful.. but, somehow they still need more help. Till date, i still feel that Singapore isn't autism friendly enough. Resources are still considered at low and acceptance from the society, sadly to say has not risen. 

Awareness is definitely there, however awareness and acceptance are entirely whole new different aspects. 

For a special needs school, grading of a student is definitely different from a normal curriculum. Students dont just get upgraded to the next level on a mere yearly basis. They will have to be evaluated base on their behaviour, their social skills and life skills. And although zyon had been in the same class for the past 1 year and 10 months, i feel he had improved and yet regressing at the same time. 


How is it possible that he had improved and yet not improved right? Ok, lets just put it this way, he improved a lot base on his communication/ social skills but his behaviour had been really troubling. 

As a mother, i take everything into consideration. Things happening at home, the regular changing of teachers - lets admit it, its not easy to work with children that tends to get violent, its extremely exhausting to teach even a normal child lest 4 or 5 special needs children at one time- , his growing pains, attitude from each and everyone in my child's life all plays a part as a contributing factor. I must say, with every other thing going on at the same time, this IS driving me insane hahahahah!!! But!!! I'm not giving up just yet. I realise this journey would be FILLED with questions that i might never get answers, or even if i get it, it would take a really long time. 

Zyon's behaviour has been getting worse in terms of him biting and hitting. He almost dont realise his own strength when it comes to venting his frustrations. Im sure those who had seen meltdowns knows what its like, plus he aint a small sized boy. So, as much as i would want to try to help him to control himself, the percentage of me getting injured during the process is actually majority of the time. But I'm glad, becos its me, he regains his senses almost immediately as well. And he tries hard to minimise the damages he is creating on the spot. But imagine how others around him are coping.. Ok, the point is, his tantrums are getting much worse as he is growing. Lets call this growing pains. 

He is already 8 this year, 2 years away from 10. Boys at 8 years must have so many to say, so many they want to do. Sadly, being diagnosed as high functioning classic autism would mean as much as he wants to, he is unable to share his thoughts on anything verbally to his own family and make friends. As a child with no friends to play with, how do you think he is coping in his little heart? 

Indescribable loneliness is the word you are looking for. 

And the lonelier he gets, the worse he feels. At this point in time, i can only expect more violent tantrums and the probability of the stage i fear the most. Depression. 
4 out of 5 children on the spectrum have depression. (like autism aint enough and adding this on**face palm) So i am trying very hard to find ways to make his life easier. Ok, till now at this moment, I'm still looking for a solution so if you think i already have something to share, nope. sorry. 
But i will keep up on tracking his emotional pattern and see how i can work from there. 

ok, enough with all the trouble side. Looking at the positive side of his "growing pains" , hahaha he is so smart! Constantly finding ways and means to get his way hahaha! He's started to try talking more, is polite to his teachers and even being like a class monitor :) And improved tremendously on asking for things that he wants instead of just whining. Recently he had even started to talk to my aunt (who is his caregiver for a couple of hours every weekday before i get home from work) and trying hard to work with her so that they can understand each other better! He is relating more to the people around him and seeks attention more than ever. Although i must say the way he is seeking attention is really a headache, but in terms of emotions, this is the right track. Teachers and me working hand in hand, sometimes with his reactions to certain things happening really shows us the great progress that he is achieving. 

So you see, isn't it contradicting? He is definitely getting better, but at the same time, it seems worse too. 

This is basically what had been happening slowly but in a healthy pace during this period of time in a brief sum up but as we go along i will start updating more regularly on his progress and what works and what doesn't. Also, i will start to talk about the people around him dealing with his growing pains. 

stay on this journey with me or share your journey with me. Information is never enough for "living with autism" 


next blog : 
About a month ago, we were out and saw this pop up samsung booth in the mall and we tried on the oculus VR gadget they were promoting. I was totally shocked at his reaction. But i will talk more about this oculus VR in my next blog. Spoiler alert, he did something really impressive and we were all very excited!!! 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

its almost 2 years!

Hi all,

Im so terribly sorry that I haven't been posting at all for such a looooonnnnnggggg time....

This period have been hectic and amazing. Loads of self doubts and in searching for answers. But, stop procrastinating, I will be posting soon on the latest updates on my little prince.

Stay tuned!

but as always if you ever need someone to talk to with regards to your child that has just been diagnosed or that you simply would like to gain some acceptance , away from guilt, away from reprimands and away from judgemental comments you are facing on a daily basis, feel free to drop me an email.

You are being supported.

smile becos you dont need a reason to.


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

To all the ignorant people in the world

NO! They are NOT dangerous and Autism is NOT contagious! So stop judging and stop giving Children or adults with Autism weird looks and stares!

When you are looking and judging them with that "thought" in your head, we are looking and judging you at how RUDE you really are.

Please, to all the ignorant people out there, autism is NOT contagious. Your "normal" child would not catch "it" so do NOT pull your children away just because there is an Autistic child in the playground as well. You are sooooooo gXX - damn RUDE.

Just so you know they process, think and feel like an individual.
Learn to educate yourself, this is already the 21st century!

Read this article from the link, from an Autistic child.

Something to share on "Whats next?"

Hi Guys,

Click on the link to check out Autism Speaks Staffer Kerry Magro's talk on TEDXTALK on "Autism, what happens to children when they become adults?"

“It’s a lifelong disorder. Our kids are growing up, and we have to be ready for them. When they transition to adulthood questions that arise are things such as…will my child be able to find a job? Will my child be able to go to college? Will my child be able to find supports after they age out of school? Will my child be able to live independently or need a group home? Will my child be supported financially? Will my child be able to find love one day? And finally…Will my family take care of my child when I’m gone?”

Im sure many parents, infact all parents have this question running through their head and this is the utmost question we ask ourselves every single day whilst watching our children grow up.

the 3 words my son never says but shows me everyday

"I LOVE YOU" He tries his best to accept what is asked of him on a daily basis whether or not he likes it or being able to acc...