the "all-so-familiar" ache in my heart

Just when i thought things were looking good and progressing, i havent worried so much and forgotten about my pain, i saw zyon doing something that brought tears back to me.

He was at my mum's dressing table, where there are bottles and bottles of skincare, lining them up nicely side by side.... i was so down when i saw him doing that.... for that was the first sign of his autism that i knew of when he was barely 2.. and recently he started having an issue with the lift at our storey. He must make sure the lift door closes before he head home or on our way out.

Zyon was never about routines even when i knew about his condition. He was different. No routines was set up by him or whatsoever. But suddenly he decided to claim the "lift" as his territory.

the door must be closed

 

 

Its times like this i feel i cant wait to send him for his early intervention, but i have to wait because the center hasnt contacted me yet for anything... waiting is something that i hate.....

 

Then i brought him out to the bookstore, he threw a huge tantrum cos he was tired. He laid on the floor and cried so hard that everyone in the store turned to look at him, because i was paying at the cashier, i just walked over and held out my hand, he took it and stood up then stopped. People were behind me "oohhing and aahhing" , then i turned and look at them, they gave me a weird look and i just walked away.

 

 To me is you dont know me, you dont know my son, dont give us judgmental stares. Save them for your own family members. Thank you.

 

 

 

 



bye 2012... hi 2013!

We've been back for awhile now and even though bringing 2 kids out all by myself is difficult,  i have to do it. I cant be locking ourselves up in the house 24/7 right? So i brought the kids to take the public transport! It was really fun and because zyon is 3 yrs old now i wasnt sure if he needed to pay his fare for the transport so i brought him to enquire. The station officer was telling me to measure his height by the little cardboard stand to see if he is over 0.9m, and if he is, then yes he will have to get an ezlink card! Of course zyon is over 0.9m!!!!

Its SOOOOOO CUTE!!! I know its abit over hahaha but my son has his own ezlink card makes me so happy!!! he is all grown up! And his fare was 35cents!! LOL

Taking the MRT was really a new experience for them cos we usually drive and the other alternative was just the taxi. Now that they get a chance to try the public transport, they were super excited!

Now that 2012 is almost coming to an end, 2013 is just around the corner. Now i am really just looking forward to him going to his new school and new environment. Im not sure how well he can adapt but im hoping for the best!!! 

Got zyon a new schoolbag. Because his new school is about half an hour walk from our house so i thought that hey maybe we could walk to school every morning as a for of exercise? And we can "talk" along the way, so a good backpack with good back support is important for my growing child :) okok this only applies to me, so it doesnt mean im asking parents who are reading this to get it ok? haha its just me. lol


These days i have been really caught up with the kids and the stuffs that we need so i havent really been blogging, but i will update soon about progress and other issues!!

we are going to the zoo zoo zoo, how about u?

Its only been days since we've moved back, and we thought of bringing the kids to the place where all kids will 'woo' and 'wah'. The Zoo!

Ok it all began when my mom and i brought the kids out for a walk and do a little shopping at the heartland malls, then we passed by this shop selling stuffed animals. Its the kind u will find in the shops selling in the Zoo. Looked really real...

Zyon and zonya stood outside the shop for the longest time refusing to leave and seeing them getting so excited about these 'fake' animals, mom and i decided we should just go to the zoo! They will be even happier! So we rushed home in a taxi and got ready all that we need, off we go to the Zoo.

When we arrived, mom thought maybe we should grab a bite first before going in, so we stopped for KFC outside and was munching halfway, the rain started to pour... i mean really POUR. We were disappointed that we rushed and came all the way only to eat KFC..... then go home. Stupid right? Then mom said "lets not waste the trp, we'll just go in and see how it goes, maybe the rain might stop". So we bought the tickets and went in. Because iit was raining so we just went into the shop first to let the kids see the different stuffed toy animals. Zyon was so excited!!!! Walking here and there, taking one stuffed animal and walking to another, thinking which is better, put one back and take a new one over and over again. Suddenly, the exit of the shop was filled with people wearing yellow, orange and green. I was thinking 'huh why?' Then i realised 'oh.... its raincoats... selling in the shop for visitors to proceed their little adventures in the zoo with their kids'. ...Me and mom then went over and got the raincoats as well. Zonya fell asleep in my toddler carrier so we shared one raincoat, mom got one and my little zyzy got one kids size too!!!! SO CUTE..... When we put on the raincoat for zyzy.... he started screaming. Tears were rolling down his little cheeks and he cried and cried!! I started laughing! Laughing out loud becos he was just TOO CUTE! He didnt like the raincoat and he's never went into the rain before so he was uncomfortable until i showed him that 'look baby, everyone is wearing the same thing'! He stopped. He started looking around and we proceeded to look at the animals. Because the raincoat was quite hard and stiff in material, zyzy started walking around like a scarecrow! CUTE TO THE MAX! We started laughing at how cute he was and he started thinking everything was ok. Soon he was too busy looking at the animals around.

Soon Zonya was up too and we were at the baboons area, both kids were so excited sticking their face onto the glass pane and saying "woo woo ahh ahh" me and mum laughed so hard!! It was so funny! We then went to the rest area cos the rain just wont stop and decided forget it , lets just go home. The raincoat was making us warm and sweaty and the rain just wont stop, without any form of breeze the humidity was a silent killer!! We slowly walked back out, now me carrying zyon because he was so tired after walking so much and mum carried zonya. We were 'half dead" by the time we reached the exit!! Then we saw that u could actually rent a stroller for the kids! Mum was like "we are so stupid" and laughed.

Waited for the taxi and went home, the kids were too tired and went snoring away... It was a fun experience even though we didnt really went round the zoo.....

Know what? I WILL DO IT AGAIN. ROTFL!!!!!

tsk, so rude.

hey there! Just moved house and currently still trying to settle down hence havent been blogging for like the longest time....

ok, the reason why we moved was because zyon has to go for therapies and early intervention programs so we decided to relocate back and move in with my mother first. Getting a house now is quite impossible because of the fnances thats gonna incur.. so here we are living in my mother's house and trying very hard to stay by her rules.... plah!

The other day, i attended a workshop put together by the hospital for us parents, it was a 4 and a half hour workshop. I felt...... at the end of the day was a waste of time. Im really happy that a workshop was organized for us parents to know more about the early intervention programs and stuffs but what the people were saying to us were really just written on the notes that  they handed out. Its like reading out to me what is written on the notes thats all. I mean before they were saying anything i have already read the notes and understooded the steps. So is like "hey the notes is really useful and provided lots of information for me. Thanks ah!!!" but the reading out was.... "its ok, i can read. thanks" So i was more looking forward to the parent support section which is supposed to be held as the last segment.

I was early when i reached, I guess i was about half an hour earlier. Mainly becos i have no idea where the exact location of the seminar room was so i thought maybe going there earlier will give me ample time to find the seminar room and not be late for the workshop. And yep i was the first to be there.

Gradually more and more seats were filled up. A lady then came in and brought along her 70 yrs old looking mother and 16/17 years old looking son and daughter. The social workers looked like they were also embarrassed about asking her why she brought her 'whole' family... And you know whats worse? There werent even enough seats for the other parents who came alone or just with their spouse!!!! Tsk.... rude right? Never mind, the worse thing was the seminar was supposed to start at 1.45pm sharp, and people were as late as 2.15pm!!!!! The social workers then had to apologize to us (the people who came early or on time). I was thinking the people who should really apologize are the late comers isnt it? So rude! walked in even though they were late, not a smile, no apologies, and their expression was like "what?" like as though we owed them and is wasting their time. I especially hate people with such attitude. The clock ticked and at 2.30pm, the social workers decided to start the workshop and proceed although there were 3 more couples that were supposed to be there.  They handed out the notes and stuffs and started explaining the procedures, what is next , who would call how should we choose etc etc.. Ok, all the information was already on the hand out. "Thanks for reading it out to me". I then asked a question and they refered me to the relevant page in the handout with the answer to my question printed on it. "so sorry i must be blind" .

3pm!!!!!!!!! another couple stepped in!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE....... why is people so rude? or they cant tell the time? no 'sorries', no smile!!!!! OMG!!!!!! NO MANNERS.

Anyways and so it continued..... until 3.30pm there was a break for half an hour, 'to be back at 4' they say. I went to the ladies, grabbed a sandwich cos  was practically on the verge of fainting due to starvation!!!!! pplah! And made it back on time at 3.55pm. Abit more reading on the information here and there, questions like "anymore questions?" The room was quiet, nobody said anything, i looked around, nobody was shaking their heads either, for the whole session, 1 father sitting in front of me was playing with his iphone the entire session, (i didnt mean to look over but there he was just right infront facing me) another behind me playing his iphone too the entire time (i know becos while waiting for them to set up com and answering other ppl's questions or break time i look around and there it is. That iphone man behind me) I was appalled. It was like "hey, this is about your child's future, how can u ignore whatever information there is or have the tendency to at least respect the speaker as a human being using her time to explain to morons like u, just put the darn phone into your pockets and sleep with ur eyes open! Its more courteous!!" BUT Nope, they were happily "touching" their screen. ~losers~ (i hate the games function in phones)

Finally, the last segment came since nobody has any questions at all for the speakers, we were split to 2 groups. We were supposed to introduce ourselves and about ou child, what problems they are facing and what problems we are facing as parents. One by one people started to speak. Ok, i made a promise that we are not supposed to reveal what we discussed or heard in the "support group" so i shant type out anything here. All i can say was i didnt cry at all. When did i stop crying? I cant remember. All i know is i've moved on. And as a parent, i must tell myself i dont have a right to cry. What i have to focus on is forward, not look back and cry.

I was really looking forward to this parent support group and thought that maybe i could make a couple of new friends and bring our kids for a playdate together but, hm............. after the social worker said "alright, thats it for today", everyone just turned and took their bags, out they went and never looked back. It was like after they poured out whatever they wanted to say and cried, they walked out of that semimar room as a whole new different person. I was like "huh??!! thats it???" And before i could think of which way to go, people just walked past me and i was all alone standing there. "HUH?"

Ok.................... so much for asking for support or helping each other move forward.

In the room everyone was nice, out the door and hey i dont know u.

Seriously, people need to be friendlier, the world would be a much better place man...

book recommendation!

Hi everyone! For those who are feeling lost and confused, take a deep breathe and count to ten.

If you havent got a clue about :-

• What caused Autism
• What is Autism
• Whats the next step
• Why is your child acting like that
• Tantrums or condition
• The kinds of treatment
• Problems you are facing now, how to solve
• Problems you will be facing in the future
• Will Autism be cured

 

 

This book inspired me, made me stronger, gave me knowledge and taught me about the other world that i didnt know exists.

 

Most importantly, it showed me the way to walk into my child's world and taught me how to get my son to walk into mine as well.

 

I hope it will inspire you like how it inspired me.

 

God bless!! Have a great weekend!

wow progress progress!!

Another week has past by!!! woo! And zyon's been making progress!

Let me first update you on zyon's meet up with the Preschool's principal.

Like i said in a few posts back about the doctor recommending a few mainstream schools that will take in and have teachers with experience handling and communicating with children diagnosed with Autism, i wrote an email enquiring and they replied saying they will be able to see me! I was thrilled! Thinking "finally"!!!
So we made the appointment.

When we reached the school, i was like "wow". Its a catholic kindergarten, huge, playground is huge, garden is huge, classrooms are HUGE. I liked the whole premise! Its very old school, no air conditioning (which i feel also good la cos air conditioning sometimes can make viruses worse as its an enclosed area). Overall its very "nature". Met up with the Principal and talked about zyon's condition. Then she asked about zyon's temperaments, and the first thing i thought of was the 'biting' issue. Because zyon is non verbal and if he was forced to do something that he doesnt want or provoked badly as he cant express himself ,he bites. But of course not the kind that makes people bleed la~~~ So the Principal said they will monitor and watch him and if he has this 'biting' issue as habit she will have to withdraw him out of the school. I thought 'ok...' i understand..
Then we went along to the next topic.

After a while she was observing zyon and was trying to interact with him. In my eyes, i could feel her being genuine. I mean you know sometimes when people play with your kids and their actions and eye contact is like 'im not interested but i have to do it to show im nice'. Its not real. But this Principal showed genuine interest and wanting to know him better. im impressed.
She asked me what my expectation was and i told her " i dont need him to have excellent academic reslts, he doesnt need to score and be number 1. All im looking at is for my son to be able to make friends with hs classmates and be happy, have a good feeling about going to school to make friends and have fun. Thats what im looking at." She said "Ah~ thats good its really good to have parents who are understanding like you, some parents tends to have expectations more than what their child can achieve and it will end up stressing the child, the parents and the teacher." I nodded "yeah i agree".

She felt that zyon was better than what she expected.

All done and we were ready to go, one of the teachers came along and said "hi! whats your name?" So i replied say "zyon" . Then she smiled and said "Hi 5!!" and put her palm out, zyon looked at her in the eye and they hi-5ved. Everyone said "oh!!!!!" in their highest pitch and said "so cute!! he looks so handsome when he smiles! etc etc" .Apparently they didnt expect my little boy to 'open up' like that. hhahahahahah it was funny la.

So school is settled.

Progress progress!!! Zyon woke up feeling happy and started dancing , singing and saying "star star star" while pointing to the glow in the dark stars i stick on his wall... i laughed. And he used to play cars by flipping them over and starts turning their wheels, now he started playting the cars like how its supposed to 'zooming' on the floor. Its good progress isnt it? haha!!! im a proud mommy!

My little boy never stops surprising me with his new "point of view" every single day. Its like every single day is a new day!

Coming to think of it, there are quotes like 'live life to the fullest, live everyday like a new day etc.."

My boy can be a good example to everyone.

He lives life everyday like a brand new day.

Again, i learnt a new meaning of life from my son :)

i learnt something new on the weekend~

Hey everyone! Its a monday.... i know it sucks but hey, you'll never know if somehing good will happen today right? So suck it up and be happy!!

So fast its a new week.. i have been doing alot of researching and reading. Found out some new information got inspired by alot of people. Also got some new questions that i need to find answers to.

Was watching a video about the different kinds of Autism and the host of the short documentary was a young girl who has the condition called Asperger's Syndrome. Her name is Rosie. She has dreams, goals and ambitions. Just like an average kid. However, the things that she sees and her "logic" is different from an average person. Thats all.


These are what i've found out researching during the weekend:

If you think that a person with autism doesnt know whats going on around them and havent got a clue about life, you are so wrong, they infact know and understands whats going on and whats wrong with them, but they cant control themselves.

They can be very sensitive with their senses, every little sound, light, smell that we think is normal can be exaggerated 50X more to them. Imagine sitting in a cafe and having a conversation with your friend, its very normal to you but to people with autism, they get very distracted with everything going around. For example, the door is opening and losing,people are walking in and out , people are staring, the noise the coffee grinder is making.. etc etc. It all comes together. They struggle and face challenges every single day on things that we take for granted.

Only 1 out of 6 child with autism can get a full time paying job when they grow up, Out of 4 , 3 children with autism gets bullied.

Some children will grow to have self injurous behaviour , not that they want to hurt themselves  but they cant help it.Its like a can of coca cola, if you shake it but you dont open it, it'll explode, a normal person being locked up in a body they cant control... the most hurtful part is they dont wanna do it, but they cant control it.

Autism is a neurological disorder. And there is no cure yet. It impacts the typical development of the brain and people diagnosed with the condition finds it hard to communicate with others or relate to the outside world, hence they may not have friends and they do not understand social ettiquett. Its defintely not caused by bad parenting and its not a form of mental illness. It affects the person but does not define them. And like all people, they have their strength and weaknesses .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw a video as well on a teenage girl named carly, she was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 2. Her parents neve gave up, she was non verbal. One day at the age of 10, carly reached over to their laptop and typed "help teeth hurt" . Everyone was shocked! So she practiced and practiced typing with one finger communicating with her parents and people worldwide who knows about her story.
See?
Dont give up on your child or people around u that has a condition of autism. You'll never know what to expect!

I find that there are still many parents out there who still refuse to recognise the condition of their child. Ignoring it thinking its a nightmare that will go away eventually. And some parents who acknowledges the condition and start drowning the child with love, giving in as and when the child wants something, dont get it and throw tantrums.

I feel that everything has to be in moderate. Moderate pressure to give to the child to learn, moderate pressure to give in to the child when throwing tantrums. We as parents shouldnt ignore their condition and also not giving in to whatever they want just because they have a condition. Everything has to be in moderation. Of cos the level of moderation, you will have to gauge yourself because you know your child better than any doctors or therapist who have seen him/her .  Every child is different. Whatever advice doctors and therapists gives you is based on the average, so it is your job to find the most suitable and comfortable way for your child to grow and learn.

Me myself, i teach zyon in my range of moderation, when he throws a tantrum, i will ask him what is it he wants. He will try to gesture to me and of cos as his mother one look and i know what he wants but  try to make him communicate with me which he always tries. If its something he can play with i will give it to him and at the same time explain that he just has to tell me or gesture to me, no need for tantrums. And if its something that is not allowed for him to play with, i give him a firm NO. Of cos the word no will make him yell and scream, i will continue to say no. And explain. If he still insists after about 5 times and i cant get him to stop, the cane will appear and i will say "stop zyon". He sees it, and will stop immediately. Wipes his tears and get other toys to play. (i used the cane once only on his leg a long time ago and he remembers how it felt) This has proven he knows. And he can be taught not to throw tantrums as and when he likes. He tends to bang his head on the floor on certain times and he realised its painful so now when he does that, he goes slow motion (very slowly) and hit his head against the floor and when i ignore him he will walk over, take my hand and rub his head gesturing for me to love him. I will rub his head, kiss him then explain to him that behaving this (banging head) is of no use. He stopped doing it.

When do we know when the child is just throwing tantrums or its because of the condition? This is a question i have to find out. This is a question we as parents have to find out.

I just wanna remind all parents out there with their child diagnosed with autism, u are not alone. Dont give up. Deal with it. Focus. There will be times when u wake up feeling really exhausted and frustrated, you are only human. Its ok to feel that way, you are not a bad parent. But DONT let the negativity take over you. DONT allow the negativity to blur your vision and take over your mind.

As i find out more and have more knowledge, i feel more confident in my son, and myself. I now have a clear vision on whats next. I hope i have given you hope. Lets motivate ourselves and move forward!!!!!!!

cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!