2 years is a looonngg time

Wow!

Like what i mentioned on my previous post, its been almost 2 - 3years? Life had been really hectic and.... wow. i dont think i can find the right words now to put it across.

Anyways, zyon had started his new school and its almost the end of his second year already. so far~~~~ so good~~~~~ hahaha. Teachers are really helpful and thoughtful.. but, somehow they still need more help. Till date, i still feel that Singapore isn't autism friendly enough. Resources are still considered at low and acceptance from the society, sadly to say has not risen. 

Awareness is definitely there, however awareness and acceptance are entirely whole new different aspects. 

For a special needs school, grading of a student is definitely different from a normal curriculum. Students dont just get upgraded to the next level on a mere yearly basis. They will have to be evaluated base on their behaviour, their social skills and life skills. And although zyon had been in the same class for the past 1 year and 10 months, i feel he had improved and yet regressing at the same time. 

I KNOW. 

How is it possible that he had improved and yet not improved right? Ok, lets just put it this way, he improved a lot base on his communication/ social skills but his behaviour had been really troubling. 

As a mother, i take everything into consideration. Things happening at home, the regular changing of teachers - lets admit it, its not easy to work with children that tends to get violent, its extremely exhausting to teach even a normal child lest 4 or 5 special needs children at one time- , his growing pains, attitude from each and everyone in my child's life all plays a part as a contributing factor. I must say, with every other thing going on at the same time, this IS driving me insane hahahahah!!! But!!! I'm not giving up just yet. I realise this journey would be FILLED with questions that i might never get answers, or even if i get it, it would take a really long time. 

Zyon's behaviour has been getting worse in terms of him biting and hitting. He almost dont realise his own strength when it comes to venting his frustrations. Im sure those who had seen meltdowns knows what its like, plus he aint a small sized boy. So, as much as i would want to try to help him to control himself, the percentage of me getting injured during the process is actually majority of the time. But I'm glad, becos its me, he regains his senses almost immediately as well. And he tries hard to minimise the damages he is creating on the spot. But imagine how others around him are coping.. Ok, the point is, his tantrums are getting much worse as he is growing. Lets call this growing pains. 

He is already 8 this year, 2 years away from 10. Boys at 8 years must have so many to say, so many they want to do. Sadly, being diagnosed as high functioning classic autism would mean as much as he wants to, he is unable to share his thoughts on anything verbally to his own family and make friends. As a child with no friends to play with, how do you think he is coping in his little heart? 

Indescribable loneliness is the word you are looking for. 

And the lonelier he gets, the worse he feels. At this point in time, i can only expect more violent tantrums and the probability of the stage i fear the most. Depression. 

4 out of 5 children on the spectrum have depression. (like autism aint enough and adding this on**face palm) So i am trying very hard to find ways to make his life easier. Ok, till now at this moment, I'm still looking for a solution so if you think i already have something to share, nope. sorry. 

But i will keep up on tracking his emotional pattern and see how i can work from there. 

ok, enough with all the trouble side. Looking at the positive side of his "growing pains" , hahaha he is so smart! Constantly finding ways and means to get his way hahaha! He's started to try talking more, is polite to his teachers and even being like a class monitor :) And improved tremendously on asking for things that he wants instead of just whining. Recently he had even started to talk to my aunt (who is his caregiver for a couple of hours every weekday before i get home from work) and trying hard to work with her so that they can understand each other better! He is relating more to the people around him and seeks attention more than ever. Although i must say the way he is seeking attention is really a headache, but in terms of emotions, this is the right track. Teachers and me working hand in hand, sometimes with his reactions to certain things happening really shows us the great progress that he is achieving. 

So you see, isn't it contradicting? He is definitely getting better, but at the same time, it seems worse too. 

This is basically what had been happening slowly but in a healthy pace during this period of time in a brief sum up but as we go along i will start updating more regularly on his progress and what works and what doesn't. Also, i will start to talk about the people around him dealing with his growing pains. 

stay on this journey with me or share your journey with me. Information is never enough for "living with autism" 

xoxo

next blog : 

About a month ago, we were out and saw this pop up samsung booth in the mall and we tried on the oculus VR gadget they were promoting. I was totally shocked at his reaction. But i will talk more about this oculus VR in my next blog. Spoiler alert, he did something really impressive and we were all very excited!!! 

Its a brand new year. 2016, the year of Zyon.

To the readers that have been following my blog on Autism and progress of my son, i apologise, I haven't been blogging on the updates of my baby boy for quite a while now and yes i am ashamed of myself.

Life has been hectic and i have been lost for quite a while. Lost in my own world, working and running away from problems. Again, i am ashamed of myself, but my self awareness tells me, I'm just human. So kindly pardon me. And pardon yourself.

For the past 1 year, Zyon has been attending classes in AWWA. A special school for children with special needs in Singapore if you don't know what that meant, the full name of it would be Asian Women's Welfare Association.
This (may i say) Institution actually caters for children with all kinds of special needs and not just solely on autism. And like what i have mentioned previously in my earlier blogs, Zyon had to go for the EIPIC program, AWWA was where he was supposed to be stationed at until he reaches the age of 7. Which by the way is this year :)

I must say my son has progressed a lot through his years in AWWA, or rather the EIPIC program and I'm seriously grateful to all the teachers that have helped him along the way. He graduated from his preschool Maris Stella Kindergarten and things have been going on as normal. Although I'm not really sure if he misses Maris Stella, because no matter what, he had been going to the school for the past 4 years. Preschool, the foundation of life and society. Its technically the first place in your life where you get to come in contact with people that has got nothing to do with your family in any way possible, do things that you didn't have to to compromise the fact that this world is home to other people other than yours too. So I'm guessing... nah probably Zyon is happy not going to school. Haha

Currently, even though the new year has begun and every child starts a new school term, Zyon is still attending AWWA. Well like what i have mentioned, AWWA is only able to take him till he reaches 7 so technically he wasn't supposed to be in AWWA anymore. However, the special school that we had picked would not be available for his enrolment until April this year and he had no other schools to attend, so he was placed in one of the classes in AWWA to continue brushing up his motor skills and such until his new school was ready for him.
If i did remember correctly, i actually blogged about the schools i had placed into consideration previously in my earlier posts. Those were Pathlight and St Andrews Autism school. And I'm pretty sure i did mention on why i decided that i did not want him to be placed into Pathlight as much as i thought its really a haven made for every autistic child.
Yep, St Andrews was my ultimate choice and AWWA worked with me to get him a place in the school. I can't tell you how excited i was when AWWA told me that it shouldn't be a problem for zyon to get a place in the school and that they would send a recommendation letter with all the relevant documents that was required. They have been such great help to me.

Anyways, all these happened last year and they told me that i would only get an interview with the school in Jan 2016. So Zyon had an exceptionally long holiday that started in mid november. January came and true enough we got the notification call from St Andrews Autism school notifying us that the interview to see zyon would be on the 15th of february at 2pm. I felt so nervous and excited at the same time. First and foremost, i hadn't been to the school before and i have no idea what inside looks like, was it going to be like Pathlight? Was it going to be like any other normal school? Was it going to be like AWWA? Which would it be?
And i just went on counting down each day with the same questions repeating over and over again in my mind.

Finally, the day came. Thank goodness i didn't push myself to insanity by all these questions going on in my head.
We went for lunch and went to the school. I told zyon as we walked into the premises that this was a new school for him. Then proceeded to meet up with the staff of the school, they needed to evaluate Zyon. We were then told that he had to spend probably and hour and a half with one of the teacher and as parents we were going to be interviewed by another.
The interview was about Zyon's behaviours at home and getting to know him better through the mouth of his parents, and yes, again i have to go through this. Remembering the first time when he got diagnosed, how he came to terms to new environments, his tantrums and such etc etc.

After the interview, i went to look around the school, the classes, cafeteria and pool. They have all kinds of therapies and it seemed really decent. Its not exactly as heaven like as Pathlight but yes its decent. And its like a whole new world in there.
I was mostly comfortable in their facilities and environment, but one place in there scares me.

"The Calming Room"

Ok, when you see the words "Calming Room" , your first natural vision would be white cushioned room maybe with a comfy sofa and toys probably. But no.... when i saw the calming room, it was a squared small room with padded walls and it was grey in color. Nothing else.
Nothing. Else.

My first words were,
"it sure looks like a punishment room instead of a calming one".

It might have seemed rude but that was my first instinct as a mother.
The teacher assured me that its not a punishment room with an awkward smile and i returned one awkward smile back to her.

As we were leaving the school, i can't help but think about the "Calming Room". I mean, i know its probably such because we don't want to provoke their senses with flamboyant colors visually to stress them but really? Grey??? Even Mental institutions uses white color..... ok as a mother, i know how stressful it can be when you have to deal with a normal child's tantrums not to mention the meltdowns of a child with autism! Hence part of me was fearing it might not be that calming after all. And that in the world of Autism, "Calming" seemed like a punishment.

However, brushing all these aside, i think i wouldn't mind to let Zyon try to spend some time in this school and see if he adapts to it... I'm hoping it all turns out well and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Reading till here, last year i got an email from a lady asking me questions about autism. Here is a shout out to all of you out there, i know I'm not a doctor and I'm not exactly a professional but i sure do know about Autism. And if you are a parent that just came into contact with this genetic disorder recently and want to know more or, if you are feeling stressed up and just needed some support and having someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me and i will reply to you.

Lets stay strong for our children. Nobody is alone in this.
For parents who's considering medication or even some invasive electrifying brain procedures, please remember, our children are NOT sick. They don't need that. They need only your acceptance.

And most important of all, your LOVE.

My email address is : kingyomama@gmail.com

very disappointed in teachers nowadays...

Hey, its been a while since i last updated.. been really busy lately and whatever time i have left for the day went to my bed.. haha.

ok, just came back from sending zyon to school and i am really upset so i can hold it no longer, i need to  vent it out.

Sending zyon to this kinder was a recommendation from KK Hospital. The doctor mentioned that this school can take in children diagnosed with special needs. Upon hearing this of course this school is my first and only choice!! I remember speaking to the Principal and she saw zyon herself on that day , agreeing that he met her criteria and i was so happy!

School started and its been a week.

So far i must say its too early to tell. However, im very disappointed in his teacher and today, the Principal. I send zyon to school everyday and pick him up everyday too, this will give me the opportunity to talk to zyon and remind him what he is supposed and not supposed to do. Things like "zy you must listen to the teacher and share toys with ur classmates ok, no tantrums needed alright?" Children with special needs especially Autism, they need to be constantly reminded and told so that it gets "programmed" in their mind and slowly it becomes part of their everyday life (im not sure if this works for other people but it sure works for zyon).

Patience is the no.1 key being a teacher. (correct me if im wrong) Be it being with children with special needs or an average normal student!!

On monday, his teacher told me she needed to talk to me when i went to pick zy up from school, so i said ok and waited for her. She then asked me, "he doesnt sit still when im reading the children stories and he tends to walk around, and when they were having the sports ball session, he cried and cried upon seeing the teacher who is a foreigner with gold hair. Why ah? I dont understand. And he seems to have some issues with listening to my instructions."

I was shocked.

To me, the first thought that came into my mind was, i have already spoken to the Principal on the issues and problems that you may face, i asked her if i needed to talk to you, she says its ok she will do so herself. Now it seems you 2 have not communicated at all with each other!! And secondly, as a teacher, you know that there will be a child with special needs in the case of autism in your class for the new term, after work, google and read up on children with an autism condition to know how to handle la right???? See how different are they from normal average kids isnt it????? I dont need you to study everyday on how this condition comes about or what but just a brief reading on their characteristics and you will know why they behave like that la!!!! Its like, you are working with children, preschoolers, you must know how to work with them so you can teach them! It doesnt have to be a child with special needs to push you to do this, just being a teacher you have to walk into the "kid's world" and speak their language so you can work with them smoothly isnt it? And now you have a child with special needs you dont bother to find out??? If children with special needs like autism is like you working with an average kid so easy then why must there be a term called autism? or kids with special needs? OMG!!!!

But, i didnt tell her all these. I told her nicely why zyon reacts the way he is and went home to write down briefly about the characteristics on children with autism. I dont know if she's read it or not but as a parent i have done my part in the explaining and noting down for your knowledge.

This morning, becos it was still very early, i was outside the assembly hall singing songs with zyon before he goes into the hall. The Principal came in throught the school gate. She saw me and zyon, dont bother to say anything and wanted to just walk pass, then i looked at her and said "good morning" and smiled. Then she repled "good morning". When she sees other parents, she says "hi! good morning" in a way that i wasnt given. What is this? Discrimination?? (you may think im being sensitive, but hey i have observed her a week cos i see her everyday)

When its finally time, i brought zyon to the hall and went to the other side to peep at how he was doing and how his teacher is handling him. I couldnt hear what they were talking to him about but because he wouldnt sit down and wait, he walked around. Different teachers went to him and got him to sit down but then he will stand up again and wants to walk to his classroom. Until his class teacher stood up and went to him. Before all these, she was happily having a conversation wth the rest of the students and she didnt talk to zyon. Then when she went to him, she held his hand and walked back to the sitting area and told zyon to sit down. But again he stood up after a while and this went on for 3 times. Her facial expression was straight, no smiles not nothing. Just straight. Then when zyon's classsmates gradually arrived and walked in, her smiles came back on them and said "good morning". As a parent, i feel its like handling my child is a chore is it? What is wrong with you????

Zyon's strength is his "being able to understand whats going on". Its just he isnt able to express. If you are genuinely nice to him, he will listen to you. Its been like this towards doctors, psychologists, relatives and my friends. So what does this tell you??? Is there no teachers who teaches with passion anymore in singapore?

The ache in my heart for my child... it never goes away...

Will it ever go away?