the 3 words my son never says but shows me everyday

"I LOVE YOU"

He tries his best to accept what is asked of him on a daily basis whether or not he likes it or being able to accept it. Simple actions, expected reactions for us, to us, from us seem so insignificant and expected, but is probably killing him inside, he just does it.
because he loves us.

"I am Sorry"

When he suffers from a meltdown, reluctance and unwillingness but unable to express through words for me to understand.
He tries to show he is sorry by hugging me tightly. Its amazing that how such a simple gesture, can create such intense and complicated emotion between us.
It brings out just how sorry he is for hurting us incontrollably.
By Hurting, its not only emotionally, its physically. Many a times my baby doesn't realise he is a big boy now and his strength is equivalent to a "Baby Hulk"- thats what i call him.

.. and the one way to give them the I LOVE YOU that they need,

the 3 words from us
patience, love, inclusion

No more zyon jumping on the bed.

hi peeps~ another week has gone by and oh dear what a hectic one... my life on a daily basis is so adventurous !!

so just to catch up, school holidays had officially started last weekend and i know right to many kids it will be "YAY!!!!!" But this holiday... zyon suffered a hairline crack on his Big Toe.....

Plah!!! **facepalm**

Boys will be Boys!!!!!!! CHILDHOOD CAST.

ok this is like he broke his ankle or something but because doctors at the A&E seriously wanted to immobilise him hence the cast all the way up. Poor boy.
It all started because he was on my bed, hanging upside down and singing but lost control of his weight balance and fell off the bed! He screamed and cried like the worse ever. At this reaction, i knew something is broken somewhere but you know due to zyon being non verbal, he can't tell me where it hurts or how bad its hurting. My first thought was "ok, something is not right", so i carried my 40kg son in my arms and called for a cab and shot straight to the hospital.

The nurses were really helpful after i told them about zyon's condition and we went straight in to the X-Ray room and check on where exactly is broken. My Poor boy... He didn't allow anyone to touch his sore toe but endured and eventually without any struggles, he allowed the doctor to cast him up. After we went home, i laughed at him and sang him his favourite nursery rhyme :
(i know right he is 8 but lol my baby hulk is a nursery rhyme junkie)

"one little zyon jumping on the bed,
he fell off and hurt his leg,
then mommy called the doctor and the doctor said,
no more zyon jumping on the bed"

hahaha!!!!!! he covered his face with his hands and smiled and smiled, embarrassed!! so i said "ah ha!!!! guilty as served!!!" he laughed.

Such an Angel.

you know, I'm so proud of my baby. He always does his best.

His waking up everyday smiling and singing may seem mediocre to many people, but to me, it stands for so much courage. I have never met anyone else thats braver and real as him.

Every single day he faces challenges, real challenges that we take for granted. He always tries his best! and honestly, i wouldn't be able to handle it as well as he does.

I love my baby so so much....

He will be going back for an X ray tomorrow, keeping my fingers crossed i hope all is well and that he will be able to finally get the cast off and start enjoying his holiday!!

Virtual Reality? **PART 1**

Technology is slowly taking over the world, and as much as it is frowned upon, many too find it really helpful. As you all know, Zyon have been inseparable with his iPad and really relies it on a daily basis. In fact as a non verbal child on the spectrum, till now he is singing and saying many things  that he learnt from the internet world.

The only thing I haven’t done is invite technology to dinner as a way to say a big thank you!

I have met many parents that have commented that taking away their iPads are the best thing that can ever happen. I too have thought about it but yeah am still procrastinating. First thing first, without the iPad there is literally nothing Zyon can do. Living in a country that is basically a city, too crowded for anything would actually mean there is no backyard for him to play in, working mother is never around during the day on a weekday, other than the iPad, there is nothing Zyon can do. So, instead of taking his one and only entertainment away , I might as well focus on what I can do with technology to further my son’s daily activities!

Ok enough of “introducing technology” - autopilot of self defense mechanism - and today I’m not even really talking about iPad or any Apple products, I’m gonna talk about Oculus VR by Samsung. 

Tadah! (VR Oculus with Samsung s8plus)

Ok, back in August, Zyon and I went out for a walk in the mall and we came across the Samsung booth promoting their great offers for National Day. As I had previously already read about what impact virtual reality can have on children on the spectrum, I decided hey why not let Zyon have a go to see his reaction to the virtual world. 

In the beginning, it was all no movement because he was shocked, he kept looking up and down basically because it’s a 360 degree view. Then, he started moving his feet, and from his body actions, you can see that he was actually afraid he would fall and to step forward 😂. He held my hands so tight and I kept reassuring him that “mommy is just right here” , the next thing that happened made me wept! With tears of Joy. 

Zyon’s first ever sentence, describing what he saw 

“Wow! Look at all the stars!!!”

OMG. 

That was the first time in my 8 years with my son, hearing him say a short sentence describing what he saw. I couldn't contain my joy, I was laughing and laughing and felt so happy! 

I texted his teachers, and everyone was thrilled at this amazing response Zyon had. I wanted to buy it on the spot! But!!! here's the catch, this gadget is not cheap at all..... its actually quite pricey. As Oculus is only compatible with Samsung S7 onwards , just the smart phone alone is equivalent to an iPhone and more expensive than an iPad. 

We then explored the VR apps like planets, animals and Disney. These apps are free for download in the Oculus web and there are so many educational choices. example : nat geo and discovery

Honestly I was really tempted to buy it on the spot but wow it was just too expensive, and for it to be affordable, I will have to save some more. haha. During this saving period I did quite a lot of research  on the gadget itself to make sure that the price is justifiable and that it will really be helpful. Ok, I have to admit there is hell lot of games, and if you are a gamer, I can tell you, this gadget is a godsend. 

But im really just into their educational part. Apps like for learning about dinosaurs, animals and planets. Just reading about it online makes me excited! So next month its his 8th birthday, we decided to get him the gadget!!!! And see where it brings him :)

Ok, so if you wanna know more about the gadget, I have linked them below. Take a look and evaluate on whether you think its worth it *winks winks*

I will update on more when he starts using it!! till then!

VR Oculus : https://www.oculus.com

samsung : http://www.samsung.com/sg/smartphones/galaxy-s8/

                 http://www.samsung.com/global/galaxy/galaxy-s7/

VR for autism : https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/virtual-reality-training-improves-social-skills-and-brain-activity

                         http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563216303089

upcoming blog : "The 3 words my son never says, but shows me everyday" 

2 years is a looonngg time

Wow!

Like what i mentioned on my previous post, its been almost 2 - 3years? Life had been really hectic and.... wow. i dont think i can find the right words now to put it across.

Anyways, zyon had started his new school and its almost the end of his second year already. so far~~~~ so good~~~~~ hahaha. Teachers are really helpful and thoughtful.. but, somehow they still need more help. Till date, i still feel that Singapore isn't autism friendly enough. Resources are still considered at low and acceptance from the society, sadly to say has not risen. 

Awareness is definitely there, however awareness and acceptance are entirely whole new different aspects. 

For a special needs school, grading of a student is definitely different from a normal curriculum. Students dont just get upgraded to the next level on a mere yearly basis. They will have to be evaluated base on their behaviour, their social skills and life skills. And although zyon had been in the same class for the past 1 year and 10 months, i feel he had improved and yet regressing at the same time. 

I KNOW. 

How is it possible that he had improved and yet not improved right? Ok, lets just put it this way, he improved a lot base on his communication/ social skills but his behaviour had been really troubling. 

As a mother, i take everything into consideration. Things happening at home, the regular changing of teachers - lets admit it, its not easy to work with children that tends to get violent, its extremely exhausting to teach even a normal child lest 4 or 5 special needs children at one time- , his growing pains, attitude from each and everyone in my child's life all plays a part as a contributing factor. I must say, with every other thing going on at the same time, this IS driving me insane hahahahah!!! But!!! I'm not giving up just yet. I realise this journey would be FILLED with questions that i might never get answers, or even if i get it, it would take a really long time. 

Zyon's behaviour has been getting worse in terms of him biting and hitting. He almost dont realise his own strength when it comes to venting his frustrations. Im sure those who had seen meltdowns knows what its like, plus he aint a small sized boy. So, as much as i would want to try to help him to control himself, the percentage of me getting injured during the process is actually majority of the time. But I'm glad, becos its me, he regains his senses almost immediately as well. And he tries hard to minimise the damages he is creating on the spot. But imagine how others around him are coping.. Ok, the point is, his tantrums are getting much worse as he is growing. Lets call this growing pains. 

He is already 8 this year, 2 years away from 10. Boys at 8 years must have so many to say, so many they want to do. Sadly, being diagnosed as high functioning classic autism would mean as much as he wants to, he is unable to share his thoughts on anything verbally to his own family and make friends. As a child with no friends to play with, how do you think he is coping in his little heart? 

Indescribable loneliness is the word you are looking for. 

And the lonelier he gets, the worse he feels. At this point in time, i can only expect more violent tantrums and the probability of the stage i fear the most. Depression. 

4 out of 5 children on the spectrum have depression. (like autism aint enough and adding this on**face palm) So i am trying very hard to find ways to make his life easier. Ok, till now at this moment, I'm still looking for a solution so if you think i already have something to share, nope. sorry. 

But i will keep up on tracking his emotional pattern and see how i can work from there. 

ok, enough with all the trouble side. Looking at the positive side of his "growing pains" , hahaha he is so smart! Constantly finding ways and means to get his way hahaha! He's started to try talking more, is polite to his teachers and even being like a class monitor :) And improved tremendously on asking for things that he wants instead of just whining. Recently he had even started to talk to my aunt (who is his caregiver for a couple of hours every weekday before i get home from work) and trying hard to work with her so that they can understand each other better! He is relating more to the people around him and seeks attention more than ever. Although i must say the way he is seeking attention is really a headache, but in terms of emotions, this is the right track. Teachers and me working hand in hand, sometimes with his reactions to certain things happening really shows us the great progress that he is achieving. 

So you see, isn't it contradicting? He is definitely getting better, but at the same time, it seems worse too. 

This is basically what had been happening slowly but in a healthy pace during this period of time in a brief sum up but as we go along i will start updating more regularly on his progress and what works and what doesn't. Also, i will start to talk about the people around him dealing with his growing pains. 

stay on this journey with me or share your journey with me. Information is never enough for "living with autism" 

xoxo

next blog : 

About a month ago, we were out and saw this pop up samsung booth in the mall and we tried on the oculus VR gadget they were promoting. I was totally shocked at his reaction. But i will talk more about this oculus VR in my next blog. Spoiler alert, he did something really impressive and we were all very excited!!! 

To all the ignorant people in the world

NO! They are NOT dangerous and Autism is NOT contagious! So stop judging and stop giving Children or adults with Autism weird looks and stares!

When you are looking and judging them with that "thought" in your head, we are looking and judging you at how RUDE you really are.

Please, to all the ignorant people out there, autism is NOT contagious. Your "normal" child would not catch "it" so do NOT pull your children away just because there is an Autistic child in the playground as well. You are sooooooo gXX - damn RUDE.

Just so you know they process, think and feel like an individual.
Learn to educate yourself, this is already the 21st century!

Read this article from the link, from an Autistic child.


http://blog.theautismsite.com/autism-not-bad/?utm_source=aut-autaware&utm_medium=social-fb&utm_term=021516&utm_content=link&utm_campaign=autism-not-bad&origin=aut_autaware_social_fb_link_autism-not-bad_021516

Something to share on "Whats next?"

Hi Guys,

Click on the link to check out Autism Speaks Staffer Kerry Magro's talk on TEDXTALK on "Autism, what happens to children when they become adults?"

“It’s a lifelong disorder. Our kids are growing up, and we have to be ready for them. When they transition to adulthood questions that arise are things such as…will my child be able to find a job? Will my child be able to go to college? Will my child be able to find supports after they age out of school? Will my child be able to live independently or need a group home? Will my child be supported financially? Will my child be able to find love one day? And finally…Will my family take care of my child when I’m gone?”

Im sure many parents, infact all parents have this question running through their head and this is the utmost question we ask ourselves every single day whilst watching our children grow up. 

https://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/inspiring-talk-answers-039what-will-happen-my-child-when-i039m-gone039

Its a brand new year. 2016, the year of Zyon.

To the readers that have been following my blog on Autism and progress of my son, i apologise, I haven't been blogging on the updates of my baby boy for quite a while now and yes i am ashamed of myself.

Life has been hectic and i have been lost for quite a while. Lost in my own world, working and running away from problems. Again, i am ashamed of myself, but my self awareness tells me, I'm just human. So kindly pardon me. And pardon yourself.

For the past 1 year, Zyon has been attending classes in AWWA. A special school for children with special needs in Singapore if you don't know what that meant, the full name of it would be Asian Women's Welfare Association.
This (may i say) Institution actually caters for children with all kinds of special needs and not just solely on autism. And like what i have mentioned previously in my earlier blogs, Zyon had to go for the EIPIC program, AWWA was where he was supposed to be stationed at until he reaches the age of 7. Which by the way is this year :)

I must say my son has progressed a lot through his years in AWWA, or rather the EIPIC program and I'm seriously grateful to all the teachers that have helped him along the way. He graduated from his preschool Maris Stella Kindergarten and things have been going on as normal. Although I'm not really sure if he misses Maris Stella, because no matter what, he had been going to the school for the past 4 years. Preschool, the foundation of life and society. Its technically the first place in your life where you get to come in contact with people that has got nothing to do with your family in any way possible, do things that you didn't have to to compromise the fact that this world is home to other people other than yours too. So I'm guessing... nah probably Zyon is happy not going to school. Haha

Currently, even though the new year has begun and every child starts a new school term, Zyon is still attending AWWA. Well like what i have mentioned, AWWA is only able to take him till he reaches 7 so technically he wasn't supposed to be in AWWA anymore. However, the special school that we had picked would not be available for his enrolment until April this year and he had no other schools to attend, so he was placed in one of the classes in AWWA to continue brushing up his motor skills and such until his new school was ready for him.
If i did remember correctly, i actually blogged about the schools i had placed into consideration previously in my earlier posts. Those were Pathlight and St Andrews Autism school. And I'm pretty sure i did mention on why i decided that i did not want him to be placed into Pathlight as much as i thought its really a haven made for every autistic child.
Yep, St Andrews was my ultimate choice and AWWA worked with me to get him a place in the school. I can't tell you how excited i was when AWWA told me that it shouldn't be a problem for zyon to get a place in the school and that they would send a recommendation letter with all the relevant documents that was required. They have been such great help to me.

Anyways, all these happened last year and they told me that i would only get an interview with the school in Jan 2016. So Zyon had an exceptionally long holiday that started in mid november. January came and true enough we got the notification call from St Andrews Autism school notifying us that the interview to see zyon would be on the 15th of february at 2pm. I felt so nervous and excited at the same time. First and foremost, i hadn't been to the school before and i have no idea what inside looks like, was it going to be like Pathlight? Was it going to be like any other normal school? Was it going to be like AWWA? Which would it be?
And i just went on counting down each day with the same questions repeating over and over again in my mind.

Finally, the day came. Thank goodness i didn't push myself to insanity by all these questions going on in my head.
We went for lunch and went to the school. I told zyon as we walked into the premises that this was a new school for him. Then proceeded to meet up with the staff of the school, they needed to evaluate Zyon. We were then told that he had to spend probably and hour and a half with one of the teacher and as parents we were going to be interviewed by another.
The interview was about Zyon's behaviours at home and getting to know him better through the mouth of his parents, and yes, again i have to go through this. Remembering the first time when he got diagnosed, how he came to terms to new environments, his tantrums and such etc etc.

After the interview, i went to look around the school, the classes, cafeteria and pool. They have all kinds of therapies and it seemed really decent. Its not exactly as heaven like as Pathlight but yes its decent. And its like a whole new world in there.
I was mostly comfortable in their facilities and environment, but one place in there scares me.

"The Calming Room"

Ok, when you see the words "Calming Room" , your first natural vision would be white cushioned room maybe with a comfy sofa and toys probably. But no.... when i saw the calming room, it was a squared small room with padded walls and it was grey in color. Nothing else.
Nothing. Else.

My first words were,
"it sure looks like a punishment room instead of a calming one".

It might have seemed rude but that was my first instinct as a mother.
The teacher assured me that its not a punishment room with an awkward smile and i returned one awkward smile back to her.

As we were leaving the school, i can't help but think about the "Calming Room". I mean, i know its probably such because we don't want to provoke their senses with flamboyant colors visually to stress them but really? Grey??? Even Mental institutions uses white color..... ok as a mother, i know how stressful it can be when you have to deal with a normal child's tantrums not to mention the meltdowns of a child with autism! Hence part of me was fearing it might not be that calming after all. And that in the world of Autism, "Calming" seemed like a punishment.

However, brushing all these aside, i think i wouldn't mind to let Zyon try to spend some time in this school and see if he adapts to it... I'm hoping it all turns out well and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Reading till here, last year i got an email from a lady asking me questions about autism. Here is a shout out to all of you out there, i know I'm not a doctor and I'm not exactly a professional but i sure do know about Autism. And if you are a parent that just came into contact with this genetic disorder recently and want to know more or, if you are feeling stressed up and just needed some support and having someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me and i will reply to you.

Lets stay strong for our children. Nobody is alone in this.
For parents who's considering medication or even some invasive electrifying brain procedures, please remember, our children are NOT sick. They don't need that. They need only your acceptance.

And most important of all, your LOVE.

My email address is : kingyomama@gmail.com

"Mummy, life is not how u live"

Rushed home last night after work to spend some time with the kidlets.. The moment i opened the door screams of "mummy"!! came and zyon smiled, the widest smile :) Sometimes it just makes me feel stress free just looking at their smiles.. nothing beats the smiles of the people you love..

Being mummy is hard and honestly, im not the perfect kind of mummy. Friends asks me, do i regret having the kidlets. My answer ? Yeah. In a way.

Had i known bringing zyon to this world would make him go through the ugly side of how humanity has created the "society" i would never have my baby. Humanity, comes with a huge load of irony and contradictions. That makes it hard to live. To live is not difficult, whats difficult is the process of living. Me alone is not able to make a difference on how to make the environment better enough for the benefit of my child, or rather children with special needs. Everyone is working on their children based on their own way of living, their own thots. Getting people to know about Autism and other special needs, more has to be done.

Some parents are wat we call "normal" family. No thots, only try to create the "model" family that everyone looks, envies and agrees. Have breakfast in the morning, sends the kids to school, have dinner together, supervise homeworks, send kids to extra curriculum lessons, etiquette teachings, family day on sunday with pancakes on the tables. Why pancakes? no idea, basically everyone with "classy modern thinking" must have pancakes with bacon and eggs with milk and juice plus coffee with daddy reading his papers and the kids having cereals and mum by the stove waiting to make more pancakes. Just like the movies.
Some, based on how they were brought up and carry on the vicious cycle of the values and teaching they have received from their parents. Putting in on their children, thinking that "this" is then the right kind of teaching they should receive not realizing the next generation will just be like them. Makes them  more like family maybe? Apparently these people thinks that they are "normal"but not quite there yet.
Some just wants to make a difference. Tries to give their children what they didnt have to begin with and end up getting lost somewhere because they do not have the slightest idea what to really do.

Which kind are you?

Im thinking i belong to the 3rd kind. Tried to make a difference and end up getting lost somewhere. Honestly , lets face it. NOBODY can make perfect parenting. But this is not a bad thing mainly because such is life sometimes. Life needs people of all kinds to create a certain balance. Its only when there is peace and equality, something is then wrong.

its only nobody wants to be at the bottom of the human class.

Its this kind of "society" makes me panic and wake up in the middle of the night thinking what am i going to do next. Im having a race with time, at the rate zyon is growing up day by day..
The ignorance level of autism is nearly zero in the "society" that i live in, and yes its affecting me. Its affecting my son. - Thats wat i thought.

However i have come to realise, i maybe wrong. It is affecting me somehow, but zyon is living his life stronger than me. I admire my child.
He views the world in his own way, handles his stress in his own way even though not being understood by the people around him. People we see as important, friends and family. He faces this world technically by himself. And he is only 5. He thinks and acts straight forwardly, doesnt think about embarrassment, isnt afraid to have no friends, does what he feels like doing, focus on what interests him, have no issues with time, not caring on how to make others happy so he is liked and not being disliked.

Isnt this all what we all really want but yet we cant do it?

My son is 5, and he is stronger than the people around him.

I admire my son's way of life, i salute his thinking towards life. I thought as a mother i should be teaching him about the world. But no, my son is teaching me about life.

H.A.P.P.Y - Happy!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi all, yep yep i havent been really updating for a month now i guess. Work is really busy and adding on to Zyon's been going to SPD for his therapies, me and the husband's been rushing here and there bringing the kids to and fro... blah blah blah...

ok, calm down. Breathe.

ok lets start over.

First i would like to say " YAY"!!!!!!!!!!!! why? Cos Zyon's been spelling the word "H A P P Y" happy!!!
I was SOOOOOOOOO Proud. Hey hey not that im not proud on normal days but i was so proud of my baby!!! I dont know if you can understand how it feels but lets just put it in this way, Zyon was still non verbal beggining of the year. And now he can spell???!!!! How cool is my boy??? LOL!!!

Alright, i know i know but hey haha let me just shoutout cos this aint such an easy task for him to accomplish! Or.... maybe he will start surprising me by accomplishing tasks that seemed impossible!! Haha im so EXCITED already!!!

Zyon's been really busy now attending preschool on weekdays and extra lessons for therapies in SPD every mondays and wednesdays after school from 3.30pm to 5pm. Looking at him being tired sometimes breaks my heart but i dont have a choice since im not able to choose the timing he has for his lessons. So every week he has two days to be in SPD and these 2 days zonya will have to go over to my aunt's place and wait for me to pick her up after work. Travel for another hour before we finally get home at 9pm. whoo.... Its really exhausting after a while.

Though tough, but we are all in this together! This feels family. The husband has to bring the kids, one to school, the other to my aunt's house then go back to school to pick up zyon. Bring him home, have lunch, shower then get dressed and head out for lessons at SPD, get dinner then head home. For me, i will have to just take an hour long journey after work and pick up zonya at my aunt's then head home in another hour's journey. Zyon has to go to school, travel here and there and get to another lesson and zonya had to travel so far, spend a whole day in another's house just waiting for mummy to get her by the end of the day to finally go home. Everyone is in this together.

To think of it this way, we are all working hard and contributing as well as sacrificing for things to work.

Sometimes i just feel thankful.

Alright, me and the husband is not exactly in good terms. But we give our best at parenting. We try.
Lets not even get me started on talking about our relationship. Lets just say we would be better as friends.

okok!! i will try to update more soon!! gotta run now since im using office hours to blog this lol.

laters!!

life's ups and downs moment..

Yesterday i was browsing my facebook page and there was no interesting "new facts", no lame videos about other people, no gossips of celebrities etc etc and i was just clicking away..*click click click*

Then i clicked on my photo albums and saw the categorized pictures of my kids thats been organized by their monthly growth.

I opened the files one by one and browsed picture by picture, looking at how much they have changed... especially zyon.

Zyon is my first born and naturally he has more photos than his sister. Each and every picture that i took of him has a different emotion. And each and every one of those pics are priceless. Pics of him growing up month by month, pics of him smiling and crying, eventually leading to being independant. The proud smiles on me and hub's face... etc. Then the pics now.

I know i shouldnt be feeling this but im a human after all. I didnt realize it but suddenly tears came rolling in my eyes. I asked myself,

"Just what happened in between then and now? The smiles, the eye contact he used to have.. where have they gone to?"

As im typing this now, the feelings are back. The negativity, the unacceptance even though im very clear on whats going on and the situation now. Its not that i have not accepted yet but i guess given to any mothers in the world, there must be once of twice in a couple of months you feel down and the sadness just clings on to you for that moment... Then its gone again.

I then updated my facebook on my feelings and thoughts... Then one of my closest friend said this to me :

me :

"Was looking at zyon's pics when he was a baby...... then started tearing... wanted to cry.... but.... i swallowed it back."

 

my friend:

"So this sweet 3-year old has to stick with his routine, makes his preferences very clear...sometimes deals with things and emotions differently, right? Maybe that's how some 3-year olds are...and some hv a diagnosis attached.

I guess today is just one of those days that hit you...why does your "normal" have to be so challenging, eh? Chin-up, Mama! It is ok to have such feelings and down days :)"

 

 

Im really grateful to have friends like that around me... and suddenly i felt stronger than before and more grateful towards life....

 

 

I love my baby boy and am thanking god i have him.... My kids complete me.

E for Eye

Im so happy and i couldnt wait to wanting to tell all of u out there what zyon "told" me.

YEAH U SAW THAT ALRIGHT, ZYON "TOLD" ME!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday night my little boy held,my hand and swung it back and front and so suddenly he stopped, looked at me in the eye and said,

"A b c d e" and points to his eye.

Get it??

E stands for Eye!!!!!!!!

Im so proud.... zyzy never fails to surprise mommy everytime..... #^_^ <3

a blog to share

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/mrbrown/turning-twelve-090136439.html#more-id


The above link is to a blog from mrbrown. I teared when i read this post, not becos its sad but its so so beautiful..... read it!!!!!

im a super proud mother

hey... havent been updating for the longest time... phew... its been an overwhelming period of time.. ok first let me update on the last appointment in KK Hospital.

We brought zy for the appointment with the Psychologist in the hospital previously. Well, this time round, even though i felt its always "the same routine" , i kindda like the psychologist. Okok maybe becos she seemed so sincere and nice :)  When we arrived, she was so bubbly and fresh , calling out to zyon. I liked that. Probably because im so sick of professionals looking at my son like he is a "thing". An object. But this psychologist, shes nice.
When we started the session, she asked me questions that i think just KK alone, i have repeated like at least 6 times... even though on the file it already stated EVERYTHING (stare blankly). Anyways, she then started to play with zyon according to the system called..... hm.... ok i forgot what its called but its a series of toys and levels to see how he fares. She told me to just sit there and when im needed she will let me know. So i thought ... ok. I then kept very quiet and sat there watching them like a nosey stranger.

After her 1 hr session with zyon alone, she scribbled notes on her paper and told me to get zyon to do this and that. Zy cooperated nicely... *tink tink* hahaha then she started explaining to me what is her overall diagnosis.

She diagnosed my little baby boy " Classic Autism " - High functioning.

sigh.................

The reason for my sighing was because when it all started, i was hoping it isnt autism that im facing. But it turned out yes. Then i was hoping it would not be classic... turns out...... sigh........

However, she added that she was very optimistic about zy, because he listens to instructions. When she told zy to keep the toys, he did what he was told to do. So i told her that zy understands instructions given. And the best part was zy actually returned all the toys to her when he was told to!! even i was surprised!!!! He did really well. I then told her, "i read that children with Autism are very focused on certain things hence they will be able to excel in that area, m still trying to figure out what is zyon's strength, what can i do to help him?"
She looked at me with a surprised facial expression, then answered, "his strength is being able to understand everything! Children with Autism usually are not able to do that but for zyon, the reason why im so optimistic is because he is able to understand everything!"

I was shocked.

WOW.

At that moment, i felt so proud of my little boy. Its not that im not proud of him before knowing this, but im extra extra proud when i heard those words coming out from a professional psychologist!!  But i felt a little sad after fully digesting it. Because it would have meant that zyon had undergone a certain amount of pressure to be able to achieve this and it must have felt bad... although im always there, but as humans we all have moments of loneliness... but we are capable of expressing and talking to friends or family to make us feel better. For zyon, its hard for him to express and he is non verbal yet.... it must have been really hard on him...

Anyways, after that appointment, we went for the last appointment in terms of his diagnosis.  The doctor told me again what the psychologist said and explained in a more detailed manner. Then i asked her about school.

"Can u tell me after all these years of seeing so many children diagnosed wth Autism, what are the chances of zyon going to a mainstream school?" i was so nervous when i asked her this that i felt like puking.

"hm....... i guess you will have to consider pathlight or eden. To be able to go to a mainstream school, im looking at 10%. "

*sigh* Thank goodness i already checked out these 2 schools 2 months ago and already jotted down their opening house date in my schedule book... Thats y mental preparation is very important!!!! Thank goodness im not ignorant. haha

Well, even though the chances of zy not being able to attend a mainstream school is high, but im not sad. So long as he is happy and healthy, really, i have no more complains. Special school would be much better because basically im not looking at As and acedemic results from zy... just so long he makes friends and interact with other people, im happy. Mainstream schools would be too pressurizing for my baby. I rather not. So, see it aint such a bad thing after all. :)

I must say zyon taught me alot of things about life. Good and bad. Im so so proud of my little boy. I really wanna thank god for giving me my precious son.

"Zyzy.... mommy will be by u and love you for the rest of my life. Lets hold hands and walk side by side until you find your partner in life to continue that journey with you...  i love you..."

book recommendation!

Hi everyone! For those who are feeling lost and confused, take a deep breathe and count to ten.

If you havent got a clue about :-

• What caused Autism
• What is Autism
• Whats the next step
• Why is your child acting like that
• Tantrums or condition
• The kinds of treatment
• Problems you are facing now, how to solve
• Problems you will be facing in the future
• Will Autism be cured

 

 

This book inspired me, made me stronger, gave me knowledge and taught me about the other world that i didnt know exists.

 

Most importantly, it showed me the way to walk into my child's world and taught me how to get my son to walk into mine as well.

 

I hope it will inspire you like how it inspired me.

 

God bless!! Have a great weekend!

wow progress progress!!

Another week has past by!!! woo! And zyon's been making progress!

Let me first update you on zyon's meet up with the Preschool's principal.

Like i said in a few posts back about the doctor recommending a few mainstream schools that will take in and have teachers with experience handling and communicating with children diagnosed with Autism, i wrote an email enquiring and they replied saying they will be able to see me! I was thrilled! Thinking "finally"!!!
So we made the appointment.

When we reached the school, i was like "wow". Its a catholic kindergarten, huge, playground is huge, garden is huge, classrooms are HUGE. I liked the whole premise! Its very old school, no air conditioning (which i feel also good la cos air conditioning sometimes can make viruses worse as its an enclosed area). Overall its very "nature". Met up with the Principal and talked about zyon's condition. Then she asked about zyon's temperaments, and the first thing i thought of was the 'biting' issue. Because zyon is non verbal and if he was forced to do something that he doesnt want or provoked badly as he cant express himself ,he bites. But of course not the kind that makes people bleed la~~~ So the Principal said they will monitor and watch him and if he has this 'biting' issue as habit she will have to withdraw him out of the school. I thought 'ok...' i understand..
Then we went along to the next topic.

After a while she was observing zyon and was trying to interact with him. In my eyes, i could feel her being genuine. I mean you know sometimes when people play with your kids and their actions and eye contact is like 'im not interested but i have to do it to show im nice'. Its not real. But this Principal showed genuine interest and wanting to know him better. im impressed.
She asked me what my expectation was and i told her " i dont need him to have excellent academic reslts, he doesnt need to score and be number 1. All im looking at is for my son to be able to make friends with hs classmates and be happy, have a good feeling about going to school to make friends and have fun. Thats what im looking at." She said "Ah~ thats good its really good to have parents who are understanding like you, some parents tends to have expectations more than what their child can achieve and it will end up stressing the child, the parents and the teacher." I nodded "yeah i agree".

She felt that zyon was better than what she expected.

All done and we were ready to go, one of the teachers came along and said "hi! whats your name?" So i replied say "zyon" . Then she smiled and said "Hi 5!!" and put her palm out, zyon looked at her in the eye and they hi-5ved. Everyone said "oh!!!!!" in their highest pitch and said "so cute!! he looks so handsome when he smiles! etc etc" .Apparently they didnt expect my little boy to 'open up' like that. hhahahahahah it was funny la.

So school is settled.

Progress progress!!! Zyon woke up feeling happy and started dancing , singing and saying "star star star" while pointing to the glow in the dark stars i stick on his wall... i laughed. And he used to play cars by flipping them over and starts turning their wheels, now he started playting the cars like how its supposed to 'zooming' on the floor. Its good progress isnt it? haha!!! im a proud mommy!

My little boy never stops surprising me with his new "point of view" every single day. Its like every single day is a new day!

Coming to think of it, there are quotes like 'live life to the fullest, live everyday like a new day etc.."

My boy can be a good example to everyone.

He lives life everyday like a brand new day.

Again, i learnt a new meaning of life from my son :)

i learnt something new on the weekend~

Hey everyone! Its a monday.... i know it sucks but hey, you'll never know if somehing good will happen today right? So suck it up and be happy!!

So fast its a new week.. i have been doing alot of researching and reading. Found out some new information got inspired by alot of people. Also got some new questions that i need to find answers to.

Was watching a video about the different kinds of Autism and the host of the short documentary was a young girl who has the condition called Asperger's Syndrome. Her name is Rosie. She has dreams, goals and ambitions. Just like an average kid. However, the things that she sees and her "logic" is different from an average person. Thats all.


These are what i've found out researching during the weekend:

If you think that a person with autism doesnt know whats going on around them and havent got a clue about life, you are so wrong, they infact know and understands whats going on and whats wrong with them, but they cant control themselves.

They can be very sensitive with their senses, every little sound, light, smell that we think is normal can be exaggerated 50X more to them. Imagine sitting in a cafe and having a conversation with your friend, its very normal to you but to people with autism, they get very distracted with everything going around. For example, the door is opening and losing,people are walking in and out , people are staring, the noise the coffee grinder is making.. etc etc. It all comes together. They struggle and face challenges every single day on things that we take for granted.

Only 1 out of 6 child with autism can get a full time paying job when they grow up, Out of 4 , 3 children with autism gets bullied.

Some children will grow to have self injurous behaviour , not that they want to hurt themselves  but they cant help it.Its like a can of coca cola, if you shake it but you dont open it, it'll explode, a normal person being locked up in a body they cant control... the most hurtful part is they dont wanna do it, but they cant control it.

Autism is a neurological disorder. And there is no cure yet. It impacts the typical development of the brain and people diagnosed with the condition finds it hard to communicate with others or relate to the outside world, hence they may not have friends and they do not understand social ettiquett. Its defintely not caused by bad parenting and its not a form of mental illness. It affects the person but does not define them. And like all people, they have their strength and weaknesses .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw a video as well on a teenage girl named carly, she was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 2. Her parents neve gave up, she was non verbal. One day at the age of 10, carly reached over to their laptop and typed "help teeth hurt" . Everyone was shocked! So she practiced and practiced typing with one finger communicating with her parents and people worldwide who knows about her story.
See?
Dont give up on your child or people around u that has a condition of autism. You'll never know what to expect!

I find that there are still many parents out there who still refuse to recognise the condition of their child. Ignoring it thinking its a nightmare that will go away eventually. And some parents who acknowledges the condition and start drowning the child with love, giving in as and when the child wants something, dont get it and throw tantrums.

I feel that everything has to be in moderate. Moderate pressure to give to the child to learn, moderate pressure to give in to the child when throwing tantrums. We as parents shouldnt ignore their condition and also not giving in to whatever they want just because they have a condition. Everything has to be in moderation. Of cos the level of moderation, you will have to gauge yourself because you know your child better than any doctors or therapist who have seen him/her .  Every child is different. Whatever advice doctors and therapists gives you is based on the average, so it is your job to find the most suitable and comfortable way for your child to grow and learn.

Me myself, i teach zyon in my range of moderation, when he throws a tantrum, i will ask him what is it he wants. He will try to gesture to me and of cos as his mother one look and i know what he wants but  try to make him communicate with me which he always tries. If its something he can play with i will give it to him and at the same time explain that he just has to tell me or gesture to me, no need for tantrums. And if its something that is not allowed for him to play with, i give him a firm NO. Of cos the word no will make him yell and scream, i will continue to say no. And explain. If he still insists after about 5 times and i cant get him to stop, the cane will appear and i will say "stop zyon". He sees it, and will stop immediately. Wipes his tears and get other toys to play. (i used the cane once only on his leg a long time ago and he remembers how it felt) This has proven he knows. And he can be taught not to throw tantrums as and when he likes. He tends to bang his head on the floor on certain times and he realised its painful so now when he does that, he goes slow motion (very slowly) and hit his head against the floor and when i ignore him he will walk over, take my hand and rub his head gesturing for me to love him. I will rub his head, kiss him then explain to him that behaving this (banging head) is of no use. He stopped doing it.

When do we know when the child is just throwing tantrums or its because of the condition? This is a question i have to find out. This is a question we as parents have to find out.

I just wanna remind all parents out there with their child diagnosed with autism, u are not alone. Dont give up. Deal with it. Focus. There will be times when u wake up feeling really exhausted and frustrated, you are only human. Its ok to feel that way, you are not a bad parent. But DONT let the negativity take over you. DONT allow the negativity to blur your vision and take over your mind.

As i find out more and have more knowledge, i feel more confident in my son, and myself. I now have a clear vision on whats next. I hope i have given you hope. Lets motivate ourselves and move forward!!!!!!!

cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

see the world thru the eyes of a person with autism

People with Autism face challenges and struggles every single day about things that we take for granted.

This video shows how a teenage girl who is non verbal and suddenly one day she went to a laptop in her home and started typing, and so begins her communication with her family and people worldwide..

Her name is Carly.

http://youtu.be/vNZVV4Ciccg


This infact proved that when you think that people with Autism is not aware of whats going on around them and live life like they havent got a clue, then you are SO WRONG.....

See the world thru carly's eyes, see the world through the eyes of people with autism...

http://youtu.be/KmDGvquzn2k

Never give up on your child that is diagnosed with autism, give them the time they need to find a way to open up to you..

have a great weekend.. :)