"Mummy, life is not how u live"

Rushed home last night after work to spend some time with the kidlets.. The moment i opened the door screams of "mummy"!! came and zyon smiled, the widest smile :) Sometimes it just makes me feel stress free just looking at their smiles.. nothing beats the smiles of the people you love..

Being mummy is hard and honestly, im not the perfect kind of mummy. Friends asks me, do i regret having the kidlets. My answer ? Yeah. In a way.

Had i known bringing zyon to this world would make him go through the ugly side of how humanity has created the "society" i would never have my baby. Humanity, comes with a huge load of irony and contradictions. That makes it hard to live. To live is not difficult, whats difficult is the process of living. Me alone is not able to make a difference on how to make the environment better enough for the benefit of my child, or rather children with special needs. Everyone is working on their children based on their own way of living, their own thots. Getting people to know about Autism and other special needs, more has to be done.

Some parents are wat we call "normal" family. No thots, only try to create the "model" family that everyone looks, envies and agrees. Have breakfast in the morning, sends the kids to school, have dinner together, supervise homeworks, send kids to extra curriculum lessons, etiquette teachings, family day on sunday with pancakes on the tables. Why pancakes? no idea, basically everyone with "classy modern thinking" must have pancakes with bacon and eggs with milk and juice plus coffee with daddy reading his papers and the kids having cereals and mum by the stove waiting to make more pancakes. Just like the movies.
Some, based on how they were brought up and carry on the vicious cycle of the values and teaching they have received from their parents. Putting in on their children, thinking that "this" is then the right kind of teaching they should receive not realizing the next generation will just be like them. Makes them  more like family maybe? Apparently these people thinks that they are "normal"but not quite there yet.
Some just wants to make a difference. Tries to give their children what they didnt have to begin with and end up getting lost somewhere because they do not have the slightest idea what to really do.

Which kind are you?

Im thinking i belong to the 3rd kind. Tried to make a difference and end up getting lost somewhere. Honestly , lets face it. NOBODY can make perfect parenting. But this is not a bad thing mainly because such is life sometimes. Life needs people of all kinds to create a certain balance. Its only when there is peace and equality, something is then wrong.

its only nobody wants to be at the bottom of the human class.

Its this kind of "society" makes me panic and wake up in the middle of the night thinking what am i going to do next. Im having a race with time, at the rate zyon is growing up day by day..
The ignorance level of autism is nearly zero in the "society" that i live in, and yes its affecting me. Its affecting my son. - Thats wat i thought.

However i have come to realise, i maybe wrong. It is affecting me somehow, but zyon is living his life stronger than me. I admire my child.
He views the world in his own way, handles his stress in his own way even though not being understood by the people around him. People we see as important, friends and family. He faces this world technically by himself. And he is only 5. He thinks and acts straight forwardly, doesnt think about embarrassment, isnt afraid to have no friends, does what he feels like doing, focus on what interests him, have no issues with time, not caring on how to make others happy so he is liked and not being disliked.

Isnt this all what we all really want but yet we cant do it?

My son is 5, and he is stronger than the people around him.

I admire my son's way of life, i salute his thinking towards life. I thought as a mother i should be teaching him about the world. But no, my son is teaching me about life.

The "Sibling Syndrome"

Look at how my prince has become  a fine young man..

Zyon has been attending his EIPIC Program and if u want me to comment on his overall acceptance of the program, I would say more or less it did help him.

As he grows, zyon has shown signs of his improvement, but as a mother with the extra spot of emotions, I tend to givr in to him most of the time.. yeah in a way im failing.. but like all the mothers in the world, I love the smile on my baby's face and no  matter how old he gets, he will always be a baby to me. 

However,  I now have another bigger issue, the sibling syndrome.

As u all know I have a baby girl too. A wat u would call "normal" child. She turns 3 this year and have no knowledge of the world, still believes that clouds are made up of cotton and santa claus is real. She doesnt know why her brother refuses to play with her, talk to her and hits her when they try to fight over a toy. I tried explaining and of cos zonya doesn't understand and she resents her brother even though as human, deep in her she still loves and cares for her brother.

Issues among siblings, as a mother I know it can never be prevented and it would mean fights, lots of crying and yelling as well as punishments. But as a mother of a child that has autism and a child that is "normal", fights would seem more than just toy issues,  cryings and yellings would seem to affect everyone and punishments would seem as cruelty. How do i gauge and create the balance? I have no idea. 

Fighting about toys, i emphasize the fact that all toys are to be shared, and the cryings and protestings starts making me wanting to punish the both of them but on what grounds? Its not that Zyon wants to fight but he doesnt know how to manage his "attraction" toward that toy and zonya just wants to claim "whats mine" to herself because the feeling of being neglected that her brother gets all the love and attention. Then comes the crying and yellings where zonya would start crying and zyon starts to have a meltdown due to the stress of him wanting something but doesnt get it. Times like this nobody would quieten down and listen to wat mummy has to say… so i turn to punishment. 

Punishment, the biggest issue i have on hand.

Basically, to put myself in zyon's point of view, he did no wrong, and to punish him for something he would not understand what went wrong is not exactly fair, even if i throw in an hour's long of explanation as to why i do that, i guess even a typical child like zonya at 5 will not be able to understand. And to put myself in Zonya's point of view, she is jealous of all the attention that zyon has and the times where zyon goes "scot free" for the "baby crimes" he does whereas zonya is being stopped. Thus not fair too. To strike the balance of being fair honestly, as mummy im having a huge headache. Cos either way, it doesnt work "that way". 

I actually understood the importance of the "sibling syndrome" years back when i first started researching on autism. However along the way i neglected the fact that it was an issue that i would not be able to run away from and now its time that i face it. Having to be fair, i guess the first step i would do is probably split my weekends to spending time with each of them alone. One day mummy all to each of them , a weekend each. To get to the next level i guess would definitely require me to really plan my strategy. (wipes sweat**)

Let me think on more ways to get the kidlets to overcome this new syndrome and see how well it will work? lol

life's ups and downs moment..

Yesterday i was browsing my facebook page and there was no interesting "new facts", no lame videos about other people, no gossips of celebrities etc etc and i was just clicking away..*click click click*

Then i clicked on my photo albums and saw the categorized pictures of my kids thats been organized by their monthly growth.

I opened the files one by one and browsed picture by picture, looking at how much they have changed... especially zyon.

Zyon is my first born and naturally he has more photos than his sister. Each and every picture that i took of him has a different emotion. And each and every one of those pics are priceless. Pics of him growing up month by month, pics of him smiling and crying, eventually leading to being independant. The proud smiles on me and hub's face... etc. Then the pics now.

I know i shouldnt be feeling this but im a human after all. I didnt realize it but suddenly tears came rolling in my eyes. I asked myself,

"Just what happened in between then and now? The smiles, the eye contact he used to have.. where have they gone to?"

As im typing this now, the feelings are back. The negativity, the unacceptance even though im very clear on whats going on and the situation now. Its not that i have not accepted yet but i guess given to any mothers in the world, there must be once of twice in a couple of months you feel down and the sadness just clings on to you for that moment... Then its gone again.

I then updated my facebook on my feelings and thoughts... Then one of my closest friend said this to me :

me :

"Was looking at zyon's pics when he was a baby...... then started tearing... wanted to cry.... but.... i swallowed it back."

 

my friend:

"So this sweet 3-year old has to stick with his routine, makes his preferences very clear...sometimes deals with things and emotions differently, right? Maybe that's how some 3-year olds are...and some hv a diagnosis attached.

I guess today is just one of those days that hit you...why does your "normal" have to be so challenging, eh? Chin-up, Mama! It is ok to have such feelings and down days :)"

 

 

Im really grateful to have friends like that around me... and suddenly i felt stronger than before and more grateful towards life....

 

 

I love my baby boy and am thanking god i have him.... My kids complete me.

zoo then the croods!!!

Brought the kids to the zoo again!!! And this time round, we had the best time spent!!! Money well spent too!!! LOL

Went on a saturday and it sure was crowded (wow..) and the first station was the otters. Zyon stared at them like they were giant rats!!

"eeeeeeeee" was what he said. LOL

Then we went to see the white tigers, they were just lying down and not moving. My kids were like

"Roar roar roar"

But the big cats couldnt be bothered at all. Then we went to Kid'sworld and saw the small horses, rabbits and goats!!! We could actually feed the goats and so i pulled some leaves and started feeding the goats. Zyon and zonya was screaming the whole time cos the goats were really aggressive!! Then finally after much persuasion from the father and me, they plucked up whatever courage they had and tried to feed the hungry animals (while screaming).  After a while, they simply just enjoyed the process and decided they were just gonna feed the "hungry" goats all day... (-_-"')

After feeding, the goats were OS-ing in their hearts "these 2 little people have endless food to offer".

Anyways, we had to pull zyon and zonya away cos apparently "feeding" seems so fun they were there feeding for almost 45 mins!!!!! Man, the weather was a killer!! And i had to constantly pluck leaves just so my kids can feed my 10 mins worth of leaves in 5 seconds. *faints*

We were walking to our next stop and we saw the "Ah Meng's Restaurant" so i decided ok, its time to feed me and my family. So i got The father and the kids to sit down at the table while i go get the food. There were not much stalls in the food court, so i went straight to the chicken rice stall and ordered. 1 plate of chicken rice was 9.50. ('',) What the............. Well even though i really thought that the food was def not worth the money but we didnt have a choice. Either that or nothing. While eating, i told myself the next time im coming, i will pack food.

Continued our journey after lunch and dropped by the elephant's station. Usually the kids get really excited about the elephants so we were excited to show them the elephants. But when they saw the real deal, the word excitement didnt come out on their faces. Their faces were painted with the word "panick". LOL.

I couldnt stop laughing at their reaction, just staring blankly at the huge animal and not blinking at all. Then zonya said,

"(s)cared"

Lol, i said "dont have to be afraid la silly girl, its just an elephant!!" *making the trumpeting sound*

*zyon started making the trumpeting sound as well"

We stayed like a good whole 10 mins there then continued on to see other animals.

Having been to the zoo for so many times, this was the first time both my kids were wide awake and totally participating in "wow-ing, awe-ing" , didnt rain and no tantrums. It was really a good day for us. Now im so excited in wanting to organise trips like that every weekend.. haha .... im loving life!!!! When we were about to return to the exit, i got us all ice creams cos it was a really hot day, zonya and zyon each had one. The father then wanted to take out the wrapper of the ice cream for zonya but she mistook his actions thinking he was going to snatch her ice cream away and she started screaming. Even though the real deal was still in her hands, her eyes were on the wrapper and when the father took the wrapper she kept thinking it was her ice cream so she couldnt stop screaming. Seeing this the father returned the wrapper to her and when she took it back she stared at the paper and open her eyes wide and started screaming cos the ice cream wasnt in there!!! (duh~ the ice cream was in her hand the whole time) So she got mad and threw the wrapper on the floor and shake her head until we pushed her hand to show her the ice cream was there. Then in a second , she stopped and started eating. What a drama queen. Zyon was really sweet, we brought along the stroller just in case one of them decides they wanna sleep so we have something to back us up, he was quietly eating his ice cream and sharing it with me every now and then. Then he decided that its wet and sticky so he gave me the ice cream, sat in the stroller and pulled for my hand to feed him. What a clever boy dont need to dirty his own hands eh... I fed him till we both finished the magnum and he went "yay yay yay yay yay!!!" LOL

By the time we reached the exit, both of them fell asleep. ha........ seeing them sleeping after a long day, i was glad i brought them to the zoo.

When we finally got out of the zoo and headed back towards home me and the father were drained... tired to the max and sticky as well. We got home and it was almost time for dinner, so we decided since it was such a great day why not end it in a great way? We decided to bring the kids for dinner then to the movies.

Out we went , had a quick dinner and bought tics to "The croods"!!

When we were seated, they were thinking what was this place and when the screen started showing commercials they were both staring like,

"wow... what a BIG tv!!!!"

So very smoothly (thank goodness) we finished the movie!!!! And they loved the show!!! Apparently its really colorful and lotsa action!!

Tired but fruitful day!!! cant wait for another outing on weekends !

A switch of roles

I feel kindda guilty everytime i post a new post cos i get reminded that i havent been posting for quite some time. Haha. For those readers of my blog wanting to know how is zyon now , he is well n making progress!!!!! Lol

Ok, again let me just update abt whats been going on.... #^_^

After being a SAHM for almost 4 yrs, i hereby announce that im back in the workforce!!! When u read till here, u must be thinking "oh no, she gave up".
No no.... i didnt give up... i switched my role with the father. He is a SAHD now #^_^.
Okok i know what you must be thinking now.. "man with 2 kids??" Hahaha !!!! NO WORRIES. Hes been doing that for the past 1 week and i can vouch, he is the Good house father. His daily routine has been driving zy to school then me to work, off to the market with zonya , prepare lunch ,bathe zonya, pick zyon up , have lunch sometimes at the garden he just "found" if not then at home, bathe zyon , read books or do some art or writing , then they take their nap while he cleans the house, prepare dinner, bring the kids to their daily outdoor playground fun then pick me up to go home.

This is why i can go back into the workforce with peace...

But i do miss my kids.... ya... i have separation anxiety.....

As for zy, he is making alot of progress in terms of speech. He can say things like dog when he sees one, and says ow or oh oh when he falls and just the other day when my mum came back from overseas he ran to her n called "po po"!!! Fo those who dont know wat po po means, it means grandmother in chinese. We were all shocked and praised him so much! and maybe becos i have been going to work, everyday when he comes to pick me up in his daddy's car, he gets thrilled and SUPER excited to see me!!!! Never fails to make me feel so loved..... sigh my baby boy, i love u soooooooo much....

we are going to the zoo zoo zoo, how about u?

Its only been days since we've moved back, and we thought of bringing the kids to the place where all kids will 'woo' and 'wah'. The Zoo!

Ok it all began when my mom and i brought the kids out for a walk and do a little shopping at the heartland malls, then we passed by this shop selling stuffed animals. Its the kind u will find in the shops selling in the Zoo. Looked really real...

Zyon and zonya stood outside the shop for the longest time refusing to leave and seeing them getting so excited about these 'fake' animals, mom and i decided we should just go to the zoo! They will be even happier! So we rushed home in a taxi and got ready all that we need, off we go to the Zoo.

When we arrived, mom thought maybe we should grab a bite first before going in, so we stopped for KFC outside and was munching halfway, the rain started to pour... i mean really POUR. We were disappointed that we rushed and came all the way only to eat KFC..... then go home. Stupid right? Then mom said "lets not waste the trp, we'll just go in and see how it goes, maybe the rain might stop". So we bought the tickets and went in. Because iit was raining so we just went into the shop first to let the kids see the different stuffed toy animals. Zyon was so excited!!!! Walking here and there, taking one stuffed animal and walking to another, thinking which is better, put one back and take a new one over and over again. Suddenly, the exit of the shop was filled with people wearing yellow, orange and green. I was thinking 'huh why?' Then i realised 'oh.... its raincoats... selling in the shop for visitors to proceed their little adventures in the zoo with their kids'. ...Me and mom then went over and got the raincoats as well. Zonya fell asleep in my toddler carrier so we shared one raincoat, mom got one and my little zyzy got one kids size too!!!! SO CUTE..... When we put on the raincoat for zyzy.... he started screaming. Tears were rolling down his little cheeks and he cried and cried!! I started laughing! Laughing out loud becos he was just TOO CUTE! He didnt like the raincoat and he's never went into the rain before so he was uncomfortable until i showed him that 'look baby, everyone is wearing the same thing'! He stopped. He started looking around and we proceeded to look at the animals. Because the raincoat was quite hard and stiff in material, zyzy started walking around like a scarecrow! CUTE TO THE MAX! We started laughing at how cute he was and he started thinking everything was ok. Soon he was too busy looking at the animals around.

Soon Zonya was up too and we were at the baboons area, both kids were so excited sticking their face onto the glass pane and saying "woo woo ahh ahh" me and mum laughed so hard!! It was so funny! We then went to the rest area cos the rain just wont stop and decided forget it , lets just go home. The raincoat was making us warm and sweaty and the rain just wont stop, without any form of breeze the humidity was a silent killer!! We slowly walked back out, now me carrying zyon because he was so tired after walking so much and mum carried zonya. We were 'half dead" by the time we reached the exit!! Then we saw that u could actually rent a stroller for the kids! Mum was like "we are so stupid" and laughed.

Waited for the taxi and went home, the kids were too tired and went snoring away... It was a fun experience even though we didnt really went round the zoo.....

Know what? I WILL DO IT AGAIN. ROTFL!!!!!

to spank or not to spank?

Its been 2 weeks since the start of school holidays... and i have been pretty caught up with 2 little ones running here and there ransacking my stuffs, pouring toys out from the toybox and buckets, crying and fighting because of the toys...etc. Not that they dont do that when the holiday hasnt started.. but its worse since they have a whole day with each other now!! Fights even occur because of who gets to shower first!!! Oh my goodness..... who the heck started school holidays man!!!

And today, zyon started showing signs of him missing school... hahaha he took his schoolbag and placed it on the floor just staring at it. And he looked like he was thinking "hey, why am i not in school??" hahahah it was a classic look! 

Of cos i enjoy my kids with me the whole day but hey.. im only human and 2 at the same time sometimes drive me abit crazy!! lol! So, they were fighting again like every other day and today was quite bad. Snatching a small ping pong ball, zyon lost the ball to his baby sister and he got really mad, so he bit her really hard and zonya screamed so badly.... so i pulled zyon to me and said "mommy said no biting darling why dont u listen? Its wrong to bite! we must love each other and share! no fighting!!" And of cos i said the same thing to zonya.

I feel that as parents, we must always teach and remind the children to love each other and when 1 of them shows the wrong behaviour and actions, both of them would get punished. Thats my way of teaching. Some may not agree but hey haha its my kids so.... haha my way! LOL

So when zyon does something wrong and i punish him, i will say firmly to zonya that she musnt do the same thing and what is the consequence if she does it. When zonya does something wrong, i will say firmly to zyon that he musnt do the same and what the consequence is if he does it. And punishment will be the same. When they start fighting i will be like a spoiled radio saying "share! no fighting" over and over again. And if they dont stop, they both get punished. And of cos i scold.

I know theres been alot of reports about how you shouldnt scold or spank your kids as this will make them have depression, hurt their feelings whatsoever, but hey unless you are a parent yourself looking after your kids 24/7, you have no right to judge how other parents discipline their child. Having a helper/ maid in the house to help around be it with the children or the chores is always easier than doing it all by yourself... this is a fact. So if you are one of those parents who think that "hey you shouldnt scold, shouldnt spank its wrong...etc" then pls stop reading this. I dont need you to judge me.

I strongly believe, spare the rod , spoil the child. First, im a chinese. And my culture is different from foreigners. Of cos my scolding and spanking is not abuse.. if i scold, it will mean the tone of my voice is higher and louder. And if i spank it will mean i spank their butt because there is diaper, or ffor zyon's case i control the level of strength. I smack their hands too. And times when they have gone overboard i will use the cane. But i have only used the cane once on zyon's leg. That was it. The rest of the time i just hold it on my hand and becos of the first experience, he knows its painful he does things and follow instructions immediately. And you see my kids love me because even though i spank, they know i genuinely love them with all my heart and soul. I didnt create "monster mommy" in their lives, and they certainly are very attached to me with hugs and kisses. And just because zyon has a condition, i dont see why i shouldnt treat him like any nomal average kid. No differences and excuses would be given when it comes to behaviour and besides most of the time zyon is doing a good job, and i have given him alot of space before stepping in.

We teach with love, not drown the child with love.

I am a parent and of cos mommies like me likes to join those forums to talk about our kids and ask for advice and stuffs, i have seen how some mothers judging other mothers. They say things like "you shouldnt do this, you should ......... you shouldnt scold/yell/scream, you should..... you shouldnt spank, this is abuse..... " HELLO........ pls, if you are not a stay at home mom with no help then pls keep your opinions or judging to yourself. Mommies goes to forum and talk about the problems they are facing and destress to remind them that they are not alone, not for you to start lecturing them and whats worse, they dont even know you!

Some "experts" on children will tell you, if you spank your kids, they will learn and think that only violence will resolve the problem so they start going to school hitting other kids. Its not wong. Whats really crucial is, when you spank your child , pls dont forget to explain why you did that. And of cos i dont mean everytime your child does something wrong you should spank him or her, you must explain first, and if its not accepted, (im talking about kids 2 yrs - 6 years) he or she still dont listen then firm, (in my case i scold) and its still not accepted, then spank.  When they are of age whereby they can start explaining their reasons and actions, better!!!!! i dont think you even need to raise your voice anymore!! (when is it gonna be my turn??)

Im not afraid to admit, yes, i do spank my kids when necessary.To the parents who have been judged on the way you are teaching your own child ,as long as you are not abusing the child, dun be too affected about what ignorant people are saying about you. You are def doing a good job as a parent, dont doubt yourself.  To all the people who like to judge, i dont care about your opinion so........ run along now *shoo*

cheers!!