Independence is priceless

Recently, Zyon has been showing signs that he is a big boy. 

Making decisions like when he wants to shower, what he wants from the fridge. 

Cleanliness has always been quite systematic for Zyon at home. More like when is it time to shower was originally decided by the adults, me when I'm at home. All i had to do was watch the time and tell him "Zyon, its time to shower! Grab your towel!!" And you will see my baby no matter what he is doing at that time or which part of the house he happens to be in, running to grab his towel and head towards the toilet. 

But now, without anyone saying anything, he walks straight to the toilet, takes off all his clothes and close the door. Before you know it, the sound of splashing water comes on. Not just because he feels warm, but basically I'm guessing it's because of his own personal hygiene. Why do i say this? Because even if he just showered half an hour ago, he would still proceed to shower again if he went to poop. 

Honestly speaking, i feel so proud of him. Its like he is beginning to grab hold of the fact that he has a choice. That he can make choices. Even if it is as simple as deciding himself when he wants to take a shower. Of course the crazy old ladies at home made it seem like its another troublesome issue/ phase Zyon is having because although he knows that he wants a shower but technically he is not able to shower himself just yet, hence it is something that requires assistance from the adults. They just thought he was being "naughty" and troublesome. 

If you have been following my blog you should know that I'm a mother that doesn't very much constrict my children. So i told Zyon what he did was right and I'm so very proud of him. Irregardless of whether it is troublesome or not, in my point of view, my son is showing signs of independence! 

I Cant be More PROUD!!

I held onto him, hugged him tight and look at his face to get his attention, and i told him,

"Mommy is so proud of you! Well done! You are a big boy now :)! Well done!!!"

His reaction to me, though short but sweet. He looked at me with eye contact, smiled then ran off to his books. 

Although I'm not exactly supported by family members who thinks i "condone" my son to doing whatever he wants and likes and i drown him in love. But really, is it? 

I do not deny that i do give him what he wants but it also depends on what exactly is it that he wants! Though not many people don't think in that way. 

Today in this society, many parents are more concerned with adherence to social convention than the progress their children are making. And i do not support that. 

YES, we all want our children to be "normal" like all the other children you see. But honestly what exactly is "normal"? How do you define normal? Doing the same things like everyone is doing? 

Mr A sleeps at 9 am and wakes up at 9pm, seeing this, Mr B does the same thing. Then came Mr C, D,E,F,G etc etc. Then are we to conclude that sleep time from 9am to 9 pm is the "normal"? Thats rubbish. I know the earth doesn't just belong to 1 person. I know the society is created and works in a way that it is able to accommodate to everyone from all over the world. But really? Do i want to follow suit just so i may be accepted as part of the society? That is my only way? To prove my worth in existing? 

Reluctantly and very Sadly, yes.

But i still want to make a difference. Because sometimes i do believe strongly that "you could still want something that is very unlikely to happen, happen". 

I can't change the world, i don't want to. Im not a saint neither can i force anyone to do anything just because i think it is right.  Because everybody in the world speaks their own kind of language, live by their own rules. 

But at least i can make a difference for my son. Im building his foundation. I am preparing his future. I believe in building the right foundation, come rain or shine, he will never fall. 

Autism isn't a fault. Its a variant. it's potentially a major advantage. It is associated with organisation, focus, innovative thinking and rational detachment. Isn't all these points what we all aim to achieve? what we all strive so hard everyday to achieve? 

But my son already achieved it. He is only 6. And he will only be much more evolved than his peers. The world is too slow for Autism. 

Don't ever be happy because you are normal. Normal is nothing. Whether or not you are able to do something or achieve something in your life makes no difference to anyone. Whether or not you exist, the earth still spins. 

But Autism, they take in every single bit of this world and create using all of it. This is something us "normal" people can't do. 

don't you think? 

The "Sibling Syndrome"

Look at how my prince has become  a fine young man..

Zyon has been attending his EIPIC Program and if u want me to comment on his overall acceptance of the program, I would say more or less it did help him.

As he grows, zyon has shown signs of his improvement, but as a mother with the extra spot of emotions, I tend to givr in to him most of the time.. yeah in a way im failing.. but like all the mothers in the world, I love the smile on my baby's face and no  matter how old he gets, he will always be a baby to me. 

However,  I now have another bigger issue, the sibling syndrome.

As u all know I have a baby girl too. A wat u would call "normal" child. She turns 3 this year and have no knowledge of the world, still believes that clouds are made up of cotton and santa claus is real. She doesnt know why her brother refuses to play with her, talk to her and hits her when they try to fight over a toy. I tried explaining and of cos zonya doesn't understand and she resents her brother even though as human, deep in her she still loves and cares for her brother.

Issues among siblings, as a mother I know it can never be prevented and it would mean fights, lots of crying and yelling as well as punishments. But as a mother of a child that has autism and a child that is "normal", fights would seem more than just toy issues,  cryings and yellings would seem to affect everyone and punishments would seem as cruelty. How do i gauge and create the balance? I have no idea. 

Fighting about toys, i emphasize the fact that all toys are to be shared, and the cryings and protestings starts making me wanting to punish the both of them but on what grounds? Its not that Zyon wants to fight but he doesnt know how to manage his "attraction" toward that toy and zonya just wants to claim "whats mine" to herself because the feeling of being neglected that her brother gets all the love and attention. Then comes the crying and yellings where zonya would start crying and zyon starts to have a meltdown due to the stress of him wanting something but doesnt get it. Times like this nobody would quieten down and listen to wat mummy has to say… so i turn to punishment. 

Punishment, the biggest issue i have on hand.

Basically, to put myself in zyon's point of view, he did no wrong, and to punish him for something he would not understand what went wrong is not exactly fair, even if i throw in an hour's long of explanation as to why i do that, i guess even a typical child like zonya at 5 will not be able to understand. And to put myself in Zonya's point of view, she is jealous of all the attention that zyon has and the times where zyon goes "scot free" for the "baby crimes" he does whereas zonya is being stopped. Thus not fair too. To strike the balance of being fair honestly, as mummy im having a huge headache. Cos either way, it doesnt work "that way". 

I actually understood the importance of the "sibling syndrome" years back when i first started researching on autism. However along the way i neglected the fact that it was an issue that i would not be able to run away from and now its time that i face it. Having to be fair, i guess the first step i would do is probably split my weekends to spending time with each of them alone. One day mummy all to each of them , a weekend each. To get to the next level i guess would definitely require me to really plan my strategy. (wipes sweat**)

Let me think on more ways to get the kidlets to overcome this new syndrome and see how well it will work? lol

Mommy is JEALOUS. Hmph.

Hey all!! As you can see my title, yep mommy is jealous. IM REALLY...... jealous... lol ...

Like i mentioned previously, now that im working and the father is a SAHD. Before we decided on this, i was really stressed to the max. Because to be honest, like many other mothers out there, for the kids to be with daddy???? Just seeing these seven words makes me feel like im watching a horror movie. I dont know how they are gonna spend the day, new bruises (signs of falling and knocks) and bumps will show cause daddies are just not as careful as mommies (which is a horrible fact). Another issue would be, im not there to witness the 1st of the other little things that they do... and it sucks. I witnessed their first steps, fed them their first foods, sent them to school on their first day etc etc, now that im working, i wont be able to be the first anymore..

So you see, there are so many things i have to think about and it really made me feel so worried!! if worries have mass, i think i will weigh a ton now.. tsk.

However, in my previous post, it seems the father is really doing a good job right? The kids are having a great time every single day playing in the playground that has somehow become a routine in their daily life. Its not that i dont bring them when i was a SAHM but because zyon is at an age and in a condition whereby he doesnt really understand fear and danger. So he tends to climb, jump ,run and do stunts that would make any mothers in the world scream in fear. And zonya is barely 2, sometimes i see her running, its like she's gonna fall any minute so for her to play the playground??? i must be crazy. Hence we seldom will go to the playground because i just dont have the confidence to make sure they wont fall or hurt themselves.

Let go.

I know i have to let go and let them learn how to play and train their motor skills but you know mothers, we tend to be really timid when it comes to kids having a chance that they might get hurt. Even if its 0.01% chance. So to me going to a playground with 2 young kids and myself is defintely a NO NO NO. But the father, he doesnt care.

Daddies are all about being adventurous. Daddies are all about letting them run like a horse that has just been freed. Daddies are all about, "huh? fall? wont la.. im watching them" and yes its true , all he ever does is "watch them" but not near, so when they fall, he "watch them" fall but cant get in time to catch them. To me is... WT...............

okok, im mean to make it sound like as though daddies really dont care. Let me put it in another way. Its not that he doesnt care, its just that daddies are not as :scaredy cat" as mommies. There does it sound better? Daddy thinks "you fell? pick yourself up la, it doesnt matter" so long they dont break any bones. Well , ok la to be fair, infact this helps alot. The kids learn faster. I cant agree more on its a really good way to raising healthy happy children. Not only in terms of physically, daddy talks like how a daddy should talk and not like me.. mommy is always a clown so the kids never takes me seriously even though im hopping mad. hm......

All the worries that i had previously was actually unnecessary. My kids didnt have any separation anxiety and still doesnt have now, they wave and kiss me good bye when i leave for work. you must be thinking what good and nice kids i have right? but i feel so hurt.

THEY CANT BE BOTHERED WHETHER OR NOT IM AT HOME LOR!!!!!

lol...

Nah, the fact is they are really having fun everyday la so im happy.

But hey, ya... IM SO JEALOUS!! daddy is so much more fun than me. plah!!!!!

i learnt something new on the weekend~

Hey everyone! Its a monday.... i know it sucks but hey, you'll never know if somehing good will happen today right? So suck it up and be happy!!

So fast its a new week.. i have been doing alot of researching and reading. Found out some new information got inspired by alot of people. Also got some new questions that i need to find answers to.

Was watching a video about the different kinds of Autism and the host of the short documentary was a young girl who has the condition called Asperger's Syndrome. Her name is Rosie. She has dreams, goals and ambitions. Just like an average kid. However, the things that she sees and her "logic" is different from an average person. Thats all.


These are what i've found out researching during the weekend:

If you think that a person with autism doesnt know whats going on around them and havent got a clue about life, you are so wrong, they infact know and understands whats going on and whats wrong with them, but they cant control themselves.

They can be very sensitive with their senses, every little sound, light, smell that we think is normal can be exaggerated 50X more to them. Imagine sitting in a cafe and having a conversation with your friend, its very normal to you but to people with autism, they get very distracted with everything going around. For example, the door is opening and losing,people are walking in and out , people are staring, the noise the coffee grinder is making.. etc etc. It all comes together. They struggle and face challenges every single day on things that we take for granted.

Only 1 out of 6 child with autism can get a full time paying job when they grow up, Out of 4 , 3 children with autism gets bullied.

Some children will grow to have self injurous behaviour , not that they want to hurt themselves  but they cant help it.Its like a can of coca cola, if you shake it but you dont open it, it'll explode, a normal person being locked up in a body they cant control... the most hurtful part is they dont wanna do it, but they cant control it.

Autism is a neurological disorder. And there is no cure yet. It impacts the typical development of the brain and people diagnosed with the condition finds it hard to communicate with others or relate to the outside world, hence they may not have friends and they do not understand social ettiquett. Its defintely not caused by bad parenting and its not a form of mental illness. It affects the person but does not define them. And like all people, they have their strength and weaknesses .

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Saw a video as well on a teenage girl named carly, she was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 2. Her parents neve gave up, she was non verbal. One day at the age of 10, carly reached over to their laptop and typed "help teeth hurt" . Everyone was shocked! So she practiced and practiced typing with one finger communicating with her parents and people worldwide who knows about her story.
See?
Dont give up on your child or people around u that has a condition of autism. You'll never know what to expect!

I find that there are still many parents out there who still refuse to recognise the condition of their child. Ignoring it thinking its a nightmare that will go away eventually. And some parents who acknowledges the condition and start drowning the child with love, giving in as and when the child wants something, dont get it and throw tantrums.

I feel that everything has to be in moderate. Moderate pressure to give to the child to learn, moderate pressure to give in to the child when throwing tantrums. We as parents shouldnt ignore their condition and also not giving in to whatever they want just because they have a condition. Everything has to be in moderation. Of cos the level of moderation, you will have to gauge yourself because you know your child better than any doctors or therapist who have seen him/her .  Every child is different. Whatever advice doctors and therapists gives you is based on the average, so it is your job to find the most suitable and comfortable way for your child to grow and learn.

Me myself, i teach zyon in my range of moderation, when he throws a tantrum, i will ask him what is it he wants. He will try to gesture to me and of cos as his mother one look and i know what he wants but  try to make him communicate with me which he always tries. If its something he can play with i will give it to him and at the same time explain that he just has to tell me or gesture to me, no need for tantrums. And if its something that is not allowed for him to play with, i give him a firm NO. Of cos the word no will make him yell and scream, i will continue to say no. And explain. If he still insists after about 5 times and i cant get him to stop, the cane will appear and i will say "stop zyon". He sees it, and will stop immediately. Wipes his tears and get other toys to play. (i used the cane once only on his leg a long time ago and he remembers how it felt) This has proven he knows. And he can be taught not to throw tantrums as and when he likes. He tends to bang his head on the floor on certain times and he realised its painful so now when he does that, he goes slow motion (very slowly) and hit his head against the floor and when i ignore him he will walk over, take my hand and rub his head gesturing for me to love him. I will rub his head, kiss him then explain to him that behaving this (banging head) is of no use. He stopped doing it.

When do we know when the child is just throwing tantrums or its because of the condition? This is a question i have to find out. This is a question we as parents have to find out.

I just wanna remind all parents out there with their child diagnosed with autism, u are not alone. Dont give up. Deal with it. Focus. There will be times when u wake up feeling really exhausted and frustrated, you are only human. Its ok to feel that way, you are not a bad parent. But DONT let the negativity take over you. DONT allow the negativity to blur your vision and take over your mind.

As i find out more and have more knowledge, i feel more confident in my son, and myself. I now have a clear vision on whats next. I hope i have given you hope. Lets motivate ourselves and move forward!!!!!!!

cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to spank or not to spank?

Its been 2 weeks since the start of school holidays... and i have been pretty caught up with 2 little ones running here and there ransacking my stuffs, pouring toys out from the toybox and buckets, crying and fighting because of the toys...etc. Not that they dont do that when the holiday hasnt started.. but its worse since they have a whole day with each other now!! Fights even occur because of who gets to shower first!!! Oh my goodness..... who the heck started school holidays man!!!

And today, zyon started showing signs of him missing school... hahaha he took his schoolbag and placed it on the floor just staring at it. And he looked like he was thinking "hey, why am i not in school??" hahahah it was a classic look! 

Of cos i enjoy my kids with me the whole day but hey.. im only human and 2 at the same time sometimes drive me abit crazy!! lol! So, they were fighting again like every other day and today was quite bad. Snatching a small ping pong ball, zyon lost the ball to his baby sister and he got really mad, so he bit her really hard and zonya screamed so badly.... so i pulled zyon to me and said "mommy said no biting darling why dont u listen? Its wrong to bite! we must love each other and share! no fighting!!" And of cos i said the same thing to zonya.

I feel that as parents, we must always teach and remind the children to love each other and when 1 of them shows the wrong behaviour and actions, both of them would get punished. Thats my way of teaching. Some may not agree but hey haha its my kids so.... haha my way! LOL

So when zyon does something wrong and i punish him, i will say firmly to zonya that she musnt do the same thing and what is the consequence if she does it. When zonya does something wrong, i will say firmly to zyon that he musnt do the same and what the consequence is if he does it. And punishment will be the same. When they start fighting i will be like a spoiled radio saying "share! no fighting" over and over again. And if they dont stop, they both get punished. And of cos i scold.

I know theres been alot of reports about how you shouldnt scold or spank your kids as this will make them have depression, hurt their feelings whatsoever, but hey unless you are a parent yourself looking after your kids 24/7, you have no right to judge how other parents discipline their child. Having a helper/ maid in the house to help around be it with the children or the chores is always easier than doing it all by yourself... this is a fact. So if you are one of those parents who think that "hey you shouldnt scold, shouldnt spank its wrong...etc" then pls stop reading this. I dont need you to judge me.

I strongly believe, spare the rod , spoil the child. First, im a chinese. And my culture is different from foreigners. Of cos my scolding and spanking is not abuse.. if i scold, it will mean the tone of my voice is higher and louder. And if i spank it will mean i spank their butt because there is diaper, or ffor zyon's case i control the level of strength. I smack their hands too. And times when they have gone overboard i will use the cane. But i have only used the cane once on zyon's leg. That was it. The rest of the time i just hold it on my hand and becos of the first experience, he knows its painful he does things and follow instructions immediately. And you see my kids love me because even though i spank, they know i genuinely love them with all my heart and soul. I didnt create "monster mommy" in their lives, and they certainly are very attached to me with hugs and kisses. And just because zyon has a condition, i dont see why i shouldnt treat him like any nomal average kid. No differences and excuses would be given when it comes to behaviour and besides most of the time zyon is doing a good job, and i have given him alot of space before stepping in.

We teach with love, not drown the child with love.

I am a parent and of cos mommies like me likes to join those forums to talk about our kids and ask for advice and stuffs, i have seen how some mothers judging other mothers. They say things like "you shouldnt do this, you should ......... you shouldnt scold/yell/scream, you should..... you shouldnt spank, this is abuse..... " HELLO........ pls, if you are not a stay at home mom with no help then pls keep your opinions or judging to yourself. Mommies goes to forum and talk about the problems they are facing and destress to remind them that they are not alone, not for you to start lecturing them and whats worse, they dont even know you!

Some "experts" on children will tell you, if you spank your kids, they will learn and think that only violence will resolve the problem so they start going to school hitting other kids. Its not wong. Whats really crucial is, when you spank your child , pls dont forget to explain why you did that. And of cos i dont mean everytime your child does something wrong you should spank him or her, you must explain first, and if its not accepted, (im talking about kids 2 yrs - 6 years) he or she still dont listen then firm, (in my case i scold) and its still not accepted, then spank.  When they are of age whereby they can start explaining their reasons and actions, better!!!!! i dont think you even need to raise your voice anymore!! (when is it gonna be my turn??)

Im not afraid to admit, yes, i do spank my kids when necessary.To the parents who have been judged on the way you are teaching your own child ,as long as you are not abusing the child, dun be too affected about what ignorant people are saying about you. You are def doing a good job as a parent, dont doubt yourself.  To all the people who like to judge, i dont care about your opinion so........ run along now *shoo*

cheers!!