the 3 words my son never says but shows me everyday

"I LOVE YOU"

He tries his best to accept what is asked of him on a daily basis whether or not he likes it or being able to accept it. Simple actions, expected reactions for us, to us, from us seem so insignificant and expected, but is probably killing him inside, he just does it.
because he loves us.

"I am Sorry"

When he suffers from a meltdown, reluctance and unwillingness but unable to express through words for me to understand.
He tries to show he is sorry by hugging me tightly. Its amazing that how such a simple gesture, can create such intense and complicated emotion between us.
It brings out just how sorry he is for hurting us incontrollably.
By Hurting, its not only emotionally, its physically. Many a times my baby doesn't realise he is a big boy now and his strength is equivalent to a "Baby Hulk"- thats what i call him.

.. and the one way to give them the I LOVE YOU that they need,

the 3 words from us
patience, love, inclusion

Virtual Reality? **PART 1**

Technology is slowly taking over the world, and as much as it is frowned upon, many too find it really helpful. As you all know, Zyon have been inseparable with his iPad and really relies it on a daily basis. In fact as a non verbal child on the spectrum, till now he is singing and saying many things  that he learnt from the internet world.

The only thing I haven’t done is invite technology to dinner as a way to say a big thank you!

I have met many parents that have commented that taking away their iPads are the best thing that can ever happen. I too have thought about it but yeah am still procrastinating. First thing first, without the iPad there is literally nothing Zyon can do. Living in a country that is basically a city, too crowded for anything would actually mean there is no backyard for him to play in, working mother is never around during the day on a weekday, other than the iPad, there is nothing Zyon can do. So, instead of taking his one and only entertainment away , I might as well focus on what I can do with technology to further my son’s daily activities!

Ok enough of “introducing technology” - autopilot of self defense mechanism - and today I’m not even really talking about iPad or any Apple products, I’m gonna talk about Oculus VR by Samsung. 

Tadah! (VR Oculus with Samsung s8plus)

Ok, back in August, Zyon and I went out for a walk in the mall and we came across the Samsung booth promoting their great offers for National Day. As I had previously already read about what impact virtual reality can have on children on the spectrum, I decided hey why not let Zyon have a go to see his reaction to the virtual world. 

In the beginning, it was all no movement because he was shocked, he kept looking up and down basically because it’s a 360 degree view. Then, he started moving his feet, and from his body actions, you can see that he was actually afraid he would fall and to step forward 😂. He held my hands so tight and I kept reassuring him that “mommy is just right here” , the next thing that happened made me wept! With tears of Joy. 

Zyon’s first ever sentence, describing what he saw 

“Wow! Look at all the stars!!!”

OMG. 

That was the first time in my 8 years with my son, hearing him say a short sentence describing what he saw. I couldn't contain my joy, I was laughing and laughing and felt so happy! 

I texted his teachers, and everyone was thrilled at this amazing response Zyon had. I wanted to buy it on the spot! But!!! here's the catch, this gadget is not cheap at all..... its actually quite pricey. As Oculus is only compatible with Samsung S7 onwards , just the smart phone alone is equivalent to an iPhone and more expensive than an iPad. 

We then explored the VR apps like planets, animals and Disney. These apps are free for download in the Oculus web and there are so many educational choices. example : nat geo and discovery

Honestly I was really tempted to buy it on the spot but wow it was just too expensive, and for it to be affordable, I will have to save some more. haha. During this saving period I did quite a lot of research  on the gadget itself to make sure that the price is justifiable and that it will really be helpful. Ok, I have to admit there is hell lot of games, and if you are a gamer, I can tell you, this gadget is a godsend. 

But im really just into their educational part. Apps like for learning about dinosaurs, animals and planets. Just reading about it online makes me excited! So next month its his 8th birthday, we decided to get him the gadget!!!! And see where it brings him :)

Ok, so if you wanna know more about the gadget, I have linked them below. Take a look and evaluate on whether you think its worth it *winks winks*

I will update on more when he starts using it!! till then!

VR Oculus : https://www.oculus.com

samsung : http://www.samsung.com/sg/smartphones/galaxy-s8/

                 http://www.samsung.com/global/galaxy/galaxy-s7/

VR for autism : https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/virtual-reality-training-improves-social-skills-and-brain-activity

                         http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563216303089

upcoming blog : "The 3 words my son never says, but shows me everyday" 

2 years is a looonngg time

Wow!

Like what i mentioned on my previous post, its been almost 2 - 3years? Life had been really hectic and.... wow. i dont think i can find the right words now to put it across.

Anyways, zyon had started his new school and its almost the end of his second year already. so far~~~~ so good~~~~~ hahaha. Teachers are really helpful and thoughtful.. but, somehow they still need more help. Till date, i still feel that Singapore isn't autism friendly enough. Resources are still considered at low and acceptance from the society, sadly to say has not risen. 

Awareness is definitely there, however awareness and acceptance are entirely whole new different aspects. 

For a special needs school, grading of a student is definitely different from a normal curriculum. Students dont just get upgraded to the next level on a mere yearly basis. They will have to be evaluated base on their behaviour, their social skills and life skills. And although zyon had been in the same class for the past 1 year and 10 months, i feel he had improved and yet regressing at the same time. 

I KNOW. 

How is it possible that he had improved and yet not improved right? Ok, lets just put it this way, he improved a lot base on his communication/ social skills but his behaviour had been really troubling. 

As a mother, i take everything into consideration. Things happening at home, the regular changing of teachers - lets admit it, its not easy to work with children that tends to get violent, its extremely exhausting to teach even a normal child lest 4 or 5 special needs children at one time- , his growing pains, attitude from each and everyone in my child's life all plays a part as a contributing factor. I must say, with every other thing going on at the same time, this IS driving me insane hahahahah!!! But!!! I'm not giving up just yet. I realise this journey would be FILLED with questions that i might never get answers, or even if i get it, it would take a really long time. 

Zyon's behaviour has been getting worse in terms of him biting and hitting. He almost dont realise his own strength when it comes to venting his frustrations. Im sure those who had seen meltdowns knows what its like, plus he aint a small sized boy. So, as much as i would want to try to help him to control himself, the percentage of me getting injured during the process is actually majority of the time. But I'm glad, becos its me, he regains his senses almost immediately as well. And he tries hard to minimise the damages he is creating on the spot. But imagine how others around him are coping.. Ok, the point is, his tantrums are getting much worse as he is growing. Lets call this growing pains. 

He is already 8 this year, 2 years away from 10. Boys at 8 years must have so many to say, so many they want to do. Sadly, being diagnosed as high functioning classic autism would mean as much as he wants to, he is unable to share his thoughts on anything verbally to his own family and make friends. As a child with no friends to play with, how do you think he is coping in his little heart? 

Indescribable loneliness is the word you are looking for. 

And the lonelier he gets, the worse he feels. At this point in time, i can only expect more violent tantrums and the probability of the stage i fear the most. Depression. 

4 out of 5 children on the spectrum have depression. (like autism aint enough and adding this on**face palm) So i am trying very hard to find ways to make his life easier. Ok, till now at this moment, I'm still looking for a solution so if you think i already have something to share, nope. sorry. 

But i will keep up on tracking his emotional pattern and see how i can work from there. 

ok, enough with all the trouble side. Looking at the positive side of his "growing pains" , hahaha he is so smart! Constantly finding ways and means to get his way hahaha! He's started to try talking more, is polite to his teachers and even being like a class monitor :) And improved tremendously on asking for things that he wants instead of just whining. Recently he had even started to talk to my aunt (who is his caregiver for a couple of hours every weekday before i get home from work) and trying hard to work with her so that they can understand each other better! He is relating more to the people around him and seeks attention more than ever. Although i must say the way he is seeking attention is really a headache, but in terms of emotions, this is the right track. Teachers and me working hand in hand, sometimes with his reactions to certain things happening really shows us the great progress that he is achieving. 

So you see, isn't it contradicting? He is definitely getting better, but at the same time, it seems worse too. 

This is basically what had been happening slowly but in a healthy pace during this period of time in a brief sum up but as we go along i will start updating more regularly on his progress and what works and what doesn't. Also, i will start to talk about the people around him dealing with his growing pains. 

stay on this journey with me or share your journey with me. Information is never enough for "living with autism" 

xoxo

next blog : 

About a month ago, we were out and saw this pop up samsung booth in the mall and we tried on the oculus VR gadget they were promoting. I was totally shocked at his reaction. But i will talk more about this oculus VR in my next blog. Spoiler alert, he did something really impressive and we were all very excited!!! 

To all the ignorant people in the world

NO! They are NOT dangerous and Autism is NOT contagious! So stop judging and stop giving Children or adults with Autism weird looks and stares!

When you are looking and judging them with that "thought" in your head, we are looking and judging you at how RUDE you really are.

Please, to all the ignorant people out there, autism is NOT contagious. Your "normal" child would not catch "it" so do NOT pull your children away just because there is an Autistic child in the playground as well. You are sooooooo gXX - damn RUDE.

Just so you know they process, think and feel like an individual.
Learn to educate yourself, this is already the 21st century!

Read this article from the link, from an Autistic child.


http://blog.theautismsite.com/autism-not-bad/?utm_source=aut-autaware&utm_medium=social-fb&utm_term=021516&utm_content=link&utm_campaign=autism-not-bad&origin=aut_autaware_social_fb_link_autism-not-bad_021516

Something to share on "Whats next?"

Hi Guys,

Click on the link to check out Autism Speaks Staffer Kerry Magro's talk on TEDXTALK on "Autism, what happens to children when they become adults?"

“It’s a lifelong disorder. Our kids are growing up, and we have to be ready for them. When they transition to adulthood questions that arise are things such as…will my child be able to find a job? Will my child be able to go to college? Will my child be able to find supports after they age out of school? Will my child be able to live independently or need a group home? Will my child be supported financially? Will my child be able to find love one day? And finally…Will my family take care of my child when I’m gone?”

Im sure many parents, infact all parents have this question running through their head and this is the utmost question we ask ourselves every single day whilst watching our children grow up. 

https://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/inspiring-talk-answers-039what-will-happen-my-child-when-i039m-gone039

Independence is priceless

Recently, Zyon has been showing signs that he is a big boy. 

Making decisions like when he wants to shower, what he wants from the fridge. 

Cleanliness has always been quite systematic for Zyon at home. More like when is it time to shower was originally decided by the adults, me when I'm at home. All i had to do was watch the time and tell him "Zyon, its time to shower! Grab your towel!!" And you will see my baby no matter what he is doing at that time or which part of the house he happens to be in, running to grab his towel and head towards the toilet. 

But now, without anyone saying anything, he walks straight to the toilet, takes off all his clothes and close the door. Before you know it, the sound of splashing water comes on. Not just because he feels warm, but basically I'm guessing it's because of his own personal hygiene. Why do i say this? Because even if he just showered half an hour ago, he would still proceed to shower again if he went to poop. 

Honestly speaking, i feel so proud of him. Its like he is beginning to grab hold of the fact that he has a choice. That he can make choices. Even if it is as simple as deciding himself when he wants to take a shower. Of course the crazy old ladies at home made it seem like its another troublesome issue/ phase Zyon is having because although he knows that he wants a shower but technically he is not able to shower himself just yet, hence it is something that requires assistance from the adults. They just thought he was being "naughty" and troublesome. 

If you have been following my blog you should know that I'm a mother that doesn't very much constrict my children. So i told Zyon what he did was right and I'm so very proud of him. Irregardless of whether it is troublesome or not, in my point of view, my son is showing signs of independence! 

I Cant be More PROUD!!

I held onto him, hugged him tight and look at his face to get his attention, and i told him,

"Mommy is so proud of you! Well done! You are a big boy now :)! Well done!!!"

His reaction to me, though short but sweet. He looked at me with eye contact, smiled then ran off to his books. 

Although I'm not exactly supported by family members who thinks i "condone" my son to doing whatever he wants and likes and i drown him in love. But really, is it? 

I do not deny that i do give him what he wants but it also depends on what exactly is it that he wants! Though not many people don't think in that way. 

Today in this society, many parents are more concerned with adherence to social convention than the progress their children are making. And i do not support that. 

YES, we all want our children to be "normal" like all the other children you see. But honestly what exactly is "normal"? How do you define normal? Doing the same things like everyone is doing? 

Mr A sleeps at 9 am and wakes up at 9pm, seeing this, Mr B does the same thing. Then came Mr C, D,E,F,G etc etc. Then are we to conclude that sleep time from 9am to 9 pm is the "normal"? Thats rubbish. I know the earth doesn't just belong to 1 person. I know the society is created and works in a way that it is able to accommodate to everyone from all over the world. But really? Do i want to follow suit just so i may be accepted as part of the society? That is my only way? To prove my worth in existing? 

Reluctantly and very Sadly, yes.

But i still want to make a difference. Because sometimes i do believe strongly that "you could still want something that is very unlikely to happen, happen". 

I can't change the world, i don't want to. Im not a saint neither can i force anyone to do anything just because i think it is right.  Because everybody in the world speaks their own kind of language, live by their own rules. 

But at least i can make a difference for my son. Im building his foundation. I am preparing his future. I believe in building the right foundation, come rain or shine, he will never fall. 

Autism isn't a fault. Its a variant. it's potentially a major advantage. It is associated with organisation, focus, innovative thinking and rational detachment. Isn't all these points what we all aim to achieve? what we all strive so hard everyday to achieve? 

But my son already achieved it. He is only 6. And he will only be much more evolved than his peers. The world is too slow for Autism. 

Don't ever be happy because you are normal. Normal is nothing. Whether or not you are able to do something or achieve something in your life makes no difference to anyone. Whether or not you exist, the earth still spins. 

But Autism, they take in every single bit of this world and create using all of it. This is something us "normal" people can't do. 

don't you think? 

Its a brand new year. 2016, the year of Zyon.

To the readers that have been following my blog on Autism and progress of my son, i apologise, I haven't been blogging on the updates of my baby boy for quite a while now and yes i am ashamed of myself.

Life has been hectic and i have been lost for quite a while. Lost in my own world, working and running away from problems. Again, i am ashamed of myself, but my self awareness tells me, I'm just human. So kindly pardon me. And pardon yourself.

For the past 1 year, Zyon has been attending classes in AWWA. A special school for children with special needs in Singapore if you don't know what that meant, the full name of it would be Asian Women's Welfare Association.
This (may i say) Institution actually caters for children with all kinds of special needs and not just solely on autism. And like what i have mentioned previously in my earlier blogs, Zyon had to go for the EIPIC program, AWWA was where he was supposed to be stationed at until he reaches the age of 7. Which by the way is this year :)

I must say my son has progressed a lot through his years in AWWA, or rather the EIPIC program and I'm seriously grateful to all the teachers that have helped him along the way. He graduated from his preschool Maris Stella Kindergarten and things have been going on as normal. Although I'm not really sure if he misses Maris Stella, because no matter what, he had been going to the school for the past 4 years. Preschool, the foundation of life and society. Its technically the first place in your life where you get to come in contact with people that has got nothing to do with your family in any way possible, do things that you didn't have to to compromise the fact that this world is home to other people other than yours too. So I'm guessing... nah probably Zyon is happy not going to school. Haha

Currently, even though the new year has begun and every child starts a new school term, Zyon is still attending AWWA. Well like what i have mentioned, AWWA is only able to take him till he reaches 7 so technically he wasn't supposed to be in AWWA anymore. However, the special school that we had picked would not be available for his enrolment until April this year and he had no other schools to attend, so he was placed in one of the classes in AWWA to continue brushing up his motor skills and such until his new school was ready for him.
If i did remember correctly, i actually blogged about the schools i had placed into consideration previously in my earlier posts. Those were Pathlight and St Andrews Autism school. And I'm pretty sure i did mention on why i decided that i did not want him to be placed into Pathlight as much as i thought its really a haven made for every autistic child.
Yep, St Andrews was my ultimate choice and AWWA worked with me to get him a place in the school. I can't tell you how excited i was when AWWA told me that it shouldn't be a problem for zyon to get a place in the school and that they would send a recommendation letter with all the relevant documents that was required. They have been such great help to me.

Anyways, all these happened last year and they told me that i would only get an interview with the school in Jan 2016. So Zyon had an exceptionally long holiday that started in mid november. January came and true enough we got the notification call from St Andrews Autism school notifying us that the interview to see zyon would be on the 15th of february at 2pm. I felt so nervous and excited at the same time. First and foremost, i hadn't been to the school before and i have no idea what inside looks like, was it going to be like Pathlight? Was it going to be like any other normal school? Was it going to be like AWWA? Which would it be?
And i just went on counting down each day with the same questions repeating over and over again in my mind.

Finally, the day came. Thank goodness i didn't push myself to insanity by all these questions going on in my head.
We went for lunch and went to the school. I told zyon as we walked into the premises that this was a new school for him. Then proceeded to meet up with the staff of the school, they needed to evaluate Zyon. We were then told that he had to spend probably and hour and a half with one of the teacher and as parents we were going to be interviewed by another.
The interview was about Zyon's behaviours at home and getting to know him better through the mouth of his parents, and yes, again i have to go through this. Remembering the first time when he got diagnosed, how he came to terms to new environments, his tantrums and such etc etc.

After the interview, i went to look around the school, the classes, cafeteria and pool. They have all kinds of therapies and it seemed really decent. Its not exactly as heaven like as Pathlight but yes its decent. And its like a whole new world in there.
I was mostly comfortable in their facilities and environment, but one place in there scares me.

"The Calming Room"

Ok, when you see the words "Calming Room" , your first natural vision would be white cushioned room maybe with a comfy sofa and toys probably. But no.... when i saw the calming room, it was a squared small room with padded walls and it was grey in color. Nothing else.
Nothing. Else.

My first words were,
"it sure looks like a punishment room instead of a calming one".

It might have seemed rude but that was my first instinct as a mother.
The teacher assured me that its not a punishment room with an awkward smile and i returned one awkward smile back to her.

As we were leaving the school, i can't help but think about the "Calming Room". I mean, i know its probably such because we don't want to provoke their senses with flamboyant colors visually to stress them but really? Grey??? Even Mental institutions uses white color..... ok as a mother, i know how stressful it can be when you have to deal with a normal child's tantrums not to mention the meltdowns of a child with autism! Hence part of me was fearing it might not be that calming after all. And that in the world of Autism, "Calming" seemed like a punishment.

However, brushing all these aside, i think i wouldn't mind to let Zyon try to spend some time in this school and see if he adapts to it... I'm hoping it all turns out well and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Reading till here, last year i got an email from a lady asking me questions about autism. Here is a shout out to all of you out there, i know I'm not a doctor and I'm not exactly a professional but i sure do know about Autism. And if you are a parent that just came into contact with this genetic disorder recently and want to know more or, if you are feeling stressed up and just needed some support and having someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me and i will reply to you.

Lets stay strong for our children. Nobody is alone in this.
For parents who's considering medication or even some invasive electrifying brain procedures, please remember, our children are NOT sick. They don't need that. They need only your acceptance.

And most important of all, your LOVE.

My email address is : kingyomama@gmail.com

Communication device gives me hopes

http://blog.theautismsite.com/angrykreedcommunicates/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=autaware-paid&utm_campaign=angrykreedcommunicates&utm_term=20141125

Dear all parents with kids that is on the spectrum.... take a look at the video i shared 😊 if u r thinking of whether or not to get a device, this is awesomely helpful~~~~

Zyon zyon wat do u see? I see mommy looking at me~~~

Bought zyon a 2nd hand book by eric carle who is very famous for his illustrations and story of "the very hungry caterpillar" the last time called "polar bear polar bear wat do u hear?". And i have no idea how he went on to sing it as a song that goes :-

"Polar bear polar bear wat do u see?
I see a lion looking at me~~~"

And he went on the same melody but saying the right animals for the rest of the book. He loved that book and now its kindda tattered and torn but still its his favorite book.

Went to kinokuniya the other day and saw the book "brown bear brown bear wat do u see?" And he was thrilled!!! Then he started singing and went on to the next page "i see a red bird looking at me" 😄😄😄😄 totally awesome! !!! Another surprise to me from my precious lil baby.....

So i thot maybe i can try "the very hungry caterpillar" next... hm..... i wonder... cos personally i have no idea wat that stoey is about actually but it seems zyon is very into its illustrations! I shall explore more and update again 😊😊😊

Cheers ppl!!!

Tablets!!!!

A link to further make me feel better for my theory on my post yesterday 😄😄😄😄😄

http://blog.theautismsite.com/dillan-speech/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=autaware&utm_campaign=dillan-speech&utm_term=20141007

Mother, you create me

****ps: please be prepared that there may be some crude comments and words used. But no offense to anyone out there, i still respect each and everyone especially doctors. Wat is written is plainly just views of my own. Should i offend you, i would first like to apologize, pardon me for using some offensive words. *****

This morning, the house was extreme chaotic. And recently alot of issues had happened at home and boy was it rough.

What made things rough?
Ignorance.

As u all know i moved from my mum's place over to my aunt's, it began with lots of love, patience and loads of understanding and gradually moved on to a point where people start getting fedup.

Zyon has autism.

This is something that i have to constantly remind the older generations living together with me. Now that they have started screaming becos of how "zyon is climbing up and down the sofas again!!!" , "zyon is going to spoil the dvd player if he continues to change the dvds constantly" and "zyon simply doesnt listen!!!!"

Know wat? Im sick of all these crap. Sick of telling them the "issues" that my son has. And so i retaliated back at them in their way, screaming "a normal child would not listen and do things according to ur ways, wat makes u think a child with autism will listen just cos u r screaming??????"  Honestly, the scariest part in raising a special needs child is not about the child at all, its the " normal" people that is around the child.
People only want to listen to wat they wanna hear so at the end of the day the only conclusion of a pack of crazy bitches could come up with was the typical - blame the mother issue. That the mother (me) spoilt the child.
I am the mother. Zyon is my responsibility, and when he grows up, im his only frend, his only support, his only dependant kin. In short im his everything! Are these people going to take responsibility of what he will turn out to be? No. So dun judge me on how i teach my child. Im his mother, i only want the best for my child. Like it or not suck it in and accept the fact that im the responsible one and i will do it my way.
They said im the only one that can control him, why dun they see that the reason is becos i listen to my child? Why dun they learn that screaming will not help anything and that using my strategy on zyon will infact help them handle his meltdowns and tantrums????? Nope they have to think that screaming helps and my ways are madness. Its ironic isnt it? Humans. I dunno whether we have evoluted to being dumb or just plain retards. Selfish and contradicting.

Imagine the stress im having, i can only think that zyon is having a worse time compared to wat im facing. And my heart breaks. But look at him. He went to school this morning and we were late due to traffic, by the time we got to school the assembly hall was empty and everyone was already in class. His classroom was pretty far from the hall , and there was a long stretch of road with stairs to get to his classroom. My son with autism, carried his bag, singingnhis nursery rhymes, with a big smile on his face walked all by himself all the way to his classroom!!! With no help.

He never fails to surprise me and impress me all at the same time.

I was so happy and im still having that happy feel in me while im typing this out! This made me realise however that yeah i have become slightly over protective of my child... hahahahaha its like he can do all these!!! And in my heart i was really..... content! How much has my baby grown.... how many things he can do already!! Im so proud of my baby..

Then while thinking of zyon, his future, i cant help but ponder wats next.
Recently we went to the hospital for a checkup and spoke to the doctor. In terms of his education which by the way is considered the most important thing im singapore, i have decided to wipe pathlight school off.
I mean i was really excited about that school and everything, it was a haven to me. But i didnt think that was it really what my child need? See till date zyon still refuses to hold a pencil or pen and of cos he is not exactly interested in writing words, solving math problems and sorting out shapes as per how its supposed to be learnt. He sees words as letters, math as numbers and shapes as just shapes. He sees all these not in an academic way but more of his own creation. He makes up music and sings all the time , counts all the time and have fun like he wants it to be. Its not wrong. Everyone sees things in their own way and solves problems in their own way , thats wat makes us different isnt it? The only thing is zyon doesnt judge. But every other people judge him. Life is never fair. It definitely not fair to my child. At least thats wat i think.

Back to pathlight. Its an awesome school catered to children with autism. But able to score academically.  Its not easy to get into pathlight, they will have to see zyon's iq tests in order to qualify to get into the school, there is just that number of positions, just that no. Of children they can take it, so filtering is not choice but a must. Zyon can get it, but to maintain his position in the school solely depends on his academic results. Now the question is, do i want this for my child? The pressure of a mainstream curriculum in a school catered for children with autism, or do i want him to focus more on lifeskills and less pressure? To be happy?
Special education is available. And the center i have chosen is AWWA. They have their own curriculum and its catered for autism children from 7 all the way to 18. It is a pretty good option. I have been thru a mainstream school, faced tests, gone thru essays, series of examinations for an education that have not been much help to me in the working world. That kind of stress for the normal child that i was , i hated it. And to put my special needs child thru that same ordeal i had , its just killing me.  I have discussed with a couple of close frends in regards to education for my child and they all came back with a same thinking, "lets just see what the doctor says".

To me is doctors would not be where they are now if there werent tests and years of research, observance and experiments done on real human beings to give them the knowledge. All these printed on textbooks, read and learnt by normal humans ,go thru series of tests and examinations , weeks of nights burnt off trying to memorize the longest name of a certain prescription,  understanding the formula of dosages , cause and effects of drugs activating in a human body, and when lucky enough based on the understanding of medicine , biology , these normal people graduate and work in hospitals where trials and errors start giving them experiences and years later boom they are doctors. A pen with written notes can determine how much drugs is going into your body , drugs that may prolong your life, drugs that may destroy your organs. In short control your life.
These doctors sit down in a 45mins session with your child that has a label "autism" big and bold in black on the medical file, again with a pen and a piece of paper write notes and ticks in the small boxes beside the little printed words on another piece of paper which they call a test sheet then sentence your child with a decision of mainstream or special education curriculum, and as another normal human being u are becos u din study medicine, u simply just listen to doctors and proceed with watever they say and make a decision that will change a child's life forever. This is something i cant bring myself to do.

I dont know what is medicine, i dont know the history of doctors, i dont know how autism was diagnosed and named , i dont know the names of prescriptions, i dont know what drugs can do to you. Im not a graduate. I have no certificate.

Wat i know is im a mother of a child with autism,  the child i carried in my womb for 10 months, gave birth to and handled all by myself since they day he came into this world. The child who i see grow, the child whom i bathed for and fed , the child who's first education of life came from me. Years of companionship just me and my child comparing to a doctor with a 45mins session with my child. I figured i am the only one that knows wat is better for my son.

However i cant help but feel lost. One single decision i make will change my son's life. This is what im nervous and scared about.. what am i to do?

im a super proud mother

hey... havent been updating for the longest time... phew... its been an overwhelming period of time.. ok first let me update on the last appointment in KK Hospital.

We brought zy for the appointment with the Psychologist in the hospital previously. Well, this time round, even though i felt its always "the same routine" , i kindda like the psychologist. Okok maybe becos she seemed so sincere and nice :)  When we arrived, she was so bubbly and fresh , calling out to zyon. I liked that. Probably because im so sick of professionals looking at my son like he is a "thing". An object. But this psychologist, shes nice.
When we started the session, she asked me questions that i think just KK alone, i have repeated like at least 6 times... even though on the file it already stated EVERYTHING (stare blankly). Anyways, she then started to play with zyon according to the system called..... hm.... ok i forgot what its called but its a series of toys and levels to see how he fares. She told me to just sit there and when im needed she will let me know. So i thought ... ok. I then kept very quiet and sat there watching them like a nosey stranger.

After her 1 hr session with zyon alone, she scribbled notes on her paper and told me to get zyon to do this and that. Zy cooperated nicely... *tink tink* hahaha then she started explaining to me what is her overall diagnosis.

She diagnosed my little baby boy " Classic Autism " - High functioning.

sigh.................

The reason for my sighing was because when it all started, i was hoping it isnt autism that im facing. But it turned out yes. Then i was hoping it would not be classic... turns out...... sigh........

However, she added that she was very optimistic about zy, because he listens to instructions. When she told zy to keep the toys, he did what he was told to do. So i told her that zy understands instructions given. And the best part was zy actually returned all the toys to her when he was told to!! even i was surprised!!!! He did really well. I then told her, "i read that children with Autism are very focused on certain things hence they will be able to excel in that area, m still trying to figure out what is zyon's strength, what can i do to help him?"
She looked at me with a surprised facial expression, then answered, "his strength is being able to understand everything! Children with Autism usually are not able to do that but for zyon, the reason why im so optimistic is because he is able to understand everything!"

I was shocked.

WOW.

At that moment, i felt so proud of my little boy. Its not that im not proud of him before knowing this, but im extra extra proud when i heard those words coming out from a professional psychologist!!  But i felt a little sad after fully digesting it. Because it would have meant that zyon had undergone a certain amount of pressure to be able to achieve this and it must have felt bad... although im always there, but as humans we all have moments of loneliness... but we are capable of expressing and talking to friends or family to make us feel better. For zyon, its hard for him to express and he is non verbal yet.... it must have been really hard on him...

Anyways, after that appointment, we went for the last appointment in terms of his diagnosis.  The doctor told me again what the psychologist said and explained in a more detailed manner. Then i asked her about school.

"Can u tell me after all these years of seeing so many children diagnosed wth Autism, what are the chances of zyon going to a mainstream school?" i was so nervous when i asked her this that i felt like puking.

"hm....... i guess you will have to consider pathlight or eden. To be able to go to a mainstream school, im looking at 10%. "

*sigh* Thank goodness i already checked out these 2 schools 2 months ago and already jotted down their opening house date in my schedule book... Thats y mental preparation is very important!!!! Thank goodness im not ignorant. haha

Well, even though the chances of zy not being able to attend a mainstream school is high, but im not sad. So long as he is happy and healthy, really, i have no more complains. Special school would be much better because basically im not looking at As and acedemic results from zy... just so long he makes friends and interact with other people, im happy. Mainstream schools would be too pressurizing for my baby. I rather not. So, see it aint such a bad thing after all. :)

I must say zyon taught me alot of things about life. Good and bad. Im so so proud of my little boy. I really wanna thank god for giving me my precious son.

"Zyzy.... mommy will be by u and love you for the rest of my life. Lets hold hands and walk side by side until you find your partner in life to continue that journey with you...  i love you..."

very disappointed in teachers nowadays...

Hey, its been a while since i last updated.. been really busy lately and whatever time i have left for the day went to my bed.. haha.

ok, just came back from sending zyon to school and i am really upset so i can hold it no longer, i need to  vent it out.

Sending zyon to this kinder was a recommendation from KK Hospital. The doctor mentioned that this school can take in children diagnosed with special needs. Upon hearing this of course this school is my first and only choice!! I remember speaking to the Principal and she saw zyon herself on that day , agreeing that he met her criteria and i was so happy!

School started and its been a week.

So far i must say its too early to tell. However, im very disappointed in his teacher and today, the Principal. I send zyon to school everyday and pick him up everyday too, this will give me the opportunity to talk to zyon and remind him what he is supposed and not supposed to do. Things like "zy you must listen to the teacher and share toys with ur classmates ok, no tantrums needed alright?" Children with special needs especially Autism, they need to be constantly reminded and told so that it gets "programmed" in their mind and slowly it becomes part of their everyday life (im not sure if this works for other people but it sure works for zyon).

Patience is the no.1 key being a teacher. (correct me if im wrong) Be it being with children with special needs or an average normal student!!

On monday, his teacher told me she needed to talk to me when i went to pick zy up from school, so i said ok and waited for her. She then asked me, "he doesnt sit still when im reading the children stories and he tends to walk around, and when they were having the sports ball session, he cried and cried upon seeing the teacher who is a foreigner with gold hair. Why ah? I dont understand. And he seems to have some issues with listening to my instructions."

I was shocked.

To me, the first thought that came into my mind was, i have already spoken to the Principal on the issues and problems that you may face, i asked her if i needed to talk to you, she says its ok she will do so herself. Now it seems you 2 have not communicated at all with each other!! And secondly, as a teacher, you know that there will be a child with special needs in the case of autism in your class for the new term, after work, google and read up on children with an autism condition to know how to handle la right???? See how different are they from normal average kids isnt it????? I dont need you to study everyday on how this condition comes about or what but just a brief reading on their characteristics and you will know why they behave like that la!!!! Its like, you are working with children, preschoolers, you must know how to work with them so you can teach them! It doesnt have to be a child with special needs to push you to do this, just being a teacher you have to walk into the "kid's world" and speak their language so you can work with them smoothly isnt it? And now you have a child with special needs you dont bother to find out??? If children with special needs like autism is like you working with an average kid so easy then why must there be a term called autism? or kids with special needs? OMG!!!!

But, i didnt tell her all these. I told her nicely why zyon reacts the way he is and went home to write down briefly about the characteristics on children with autism. I dont know if she's read it or not but as a parent i have done my part in the explaining and noting down for your knowledge.

This morning, becos it was still very early, i was outside the assembly hall singing songs with zyon before he goes into the hall. The Principal came in throught the school gate. She saw me and zyon, dont bother to say anything and wanted to just walk pass, then i looked at her and said "good morning" and smiled. Then she repled "good morning". When she sees other parents, she says "hi! good morning" in a way that i wasnt given. What is this? Discrimination?? (you may think im being sensitive, but hey i have observed her a week cos i see her everyday)

When its finally time, i brought zyon to the hall and went to the other side to peep at how he was doing and how his teacher is handling him. I couldnt hear what they were talking to him about but because he wouldnt sit down and wait, he walked around. Different teachers went to him and got him to sit down but then he will stand up again and wants to walk to his classroom. Until his class teacher stood up and went to him. Before all these, she was happily having a conversation wth the rest of the students and she didnt talk to zyon. Then when she went to him, she held his hand and walked back to the sitting area and told zyon to sit down. But again he stood up after a while and this went on for 3 times. Her facial expression was straight, no smiles not nothing. Just straight. Then when zyon's classsmates gradually arrived and walked in, her smiles came back on them and said "good morning". As a parent, i feel its like handling my child is a chore is it? What is wrong with you????

Zyon's strength is his "being able to understand whats going on". Its just he isnt able to express. If you are genuinely nice to him, he will listen to you. Its been like this towards doctors, psychologists, relatives and my friends. So what does this tell you??? Is there no teachers who teaches with passion anymore in singapore?

The ache in my heart for my child... it never goes away...

Will it ever go away?

book recommendation!

Hi everyone! For those who are feeling lost and confused, take a deep breathe and count to ten.

If you havent got a clue about :-

• What caused Autism
• What is Autism
• Whats the next step
• Why is your child acting like that
• Tantrums or condition
• The kinds of treatment
• Problems you are facing now, how to solve
• Problems you will be facing in the future
• Will Autism be cured

 

 

This book inspired me, made me stronger, gave me knowledge and taught me about the other world that i didnt know exists.

 

Most importantly, it showed me the way to walk into my child's world and taught me how to get my son to walk into mine as well.

 

I hope it will inspire you like how it inspired me.

 

God bless!! Have a great weekend!

see the world thru the eyes of a person with autism

People with Autism face challenges and struggles every single day about things that we take for granted.

This video shows how a teenage girl who is non verbal and suddenly one day she went to a laptop in her home and started typing, and so begins her communication with her family and people worldwide..

Her name is Carly.

http://youtu.be/vNZVV4Ciccg


This infact proved that when you think that people with Autism is not aware of whats going on around them and live life like they havent got a clue, then you are SO WRONG.....

See the world thru carly's eyes, see the world through the eyes of people with autism...

http://youtu.be/KmDGvquzn2k

Never give up on your child that is diagnosed with autism, give them the time they need to find a way to open up to you..

have a great weekend.. :)

I can learn too!

ok..... so looking at the picture i posted up there you should know the topic that im going to write about. :)

Getting a school for a preschool child is hard, and getting the right preschool for a child diagnosed with autism is worse!!

A preschool teacher doesnt necessarily need alot of experience or qualifications to teach. That goes to say they also will not really know how to handle or communicate wth a child that is with an autism condition because they dont require that form of training. And as humans, what do you do when you have 12 kids being able to communicate with you and 1 that doesnt? Natural instincts of an average human would ignore the 1 because he or she would be too busy with the 12. And if i were to send my boy to a normal mainstream school with teachers that doesnt know how to communicate with him and leaves him alone letting him do whatever he wants so as not to distract the rest of the class (which i already have experienced a school telling me that) , then what the whole point of zyon going to school at all???? Nowadays in this society, its hard to find a teacher who teaches with passion... im lucky that zyon's previous school teacher is an angel.. she helped alot and spent alot of time on zyon one on one to guide and teach him. I must say my son has improved so much and a great part of it was thanks to her... The Teacher's role in the life of a child with autism is VERY important.

So i got zyon's doctor from the hospital to recommend me schools that are "autism - friendly" , and thank goodness there is such a term!! She gave me a list of schools whereby they have teachers who are trained to teach children diagnosed with autism and they get to interact with an average kid because it is a normal mainstream school! Let me just emphasize one important point, children who are diagnosed with autism is not of low IQ or mentally retarded. They have the thinking and thoughts of a normal child, its just the way they see through their eyes and the reaction they have towards certain issues is different.

To explain in simple words means imagine our body, our 5 senses, why do we feel , know ,see ,smell and hear? when something happens for example we get scalded, the feel the hot touches our skin, the nerves in our body sends messages to our brain. Our brain then process this as hot and pain. But for a person with autism, he or her messengers that were supposed to send these signals are not sending them correctly, its all over the place, hence their reaction towards expressing is not the same. They might not feel the pain at all. In short, people with autism recieves their signals all over the place in their brain and not like what their supposed to like an average person.

For those parents who are like me facing this "school problem" and are panicking, dont worry, check with your child's doctor for alternatives and advice. Im sure they will have the sufficient information for you.

For those parents who thinks that your child is the smartest and you wont want other children to distract your child's progress in school, pls ah , you dont own the school. Dont like it, move your child to another school ok?

remember : Autism is NOT contagious. IGNORANCE IS.
                   Autism is NOT a tragedy. IGNORANCE IS.

ah... my questions are answered

Yesterday was the evaluation of zyon's condition for autism. We were supposed to have a hearing test and then see the doctor for an assessment for zyon's autism test.

I must say after seeing so many professionals, im feeling exhausted. Going through the same questions, me answering the same answers, then going through new questions and zyon being watched and observed by new doctors..... i just hope to get a conclusion so i can move on to the next step.

When we reached the hospital for the hearing test appointment, the queue was fast and we got to see the audiologist very quickly. Tried all ways and means but zyon wouldnt give in. He kep screaming and crying! And since doing a hearing test requires him to keep very quiet for at most 5 mins, to my little boy its literally impossible. First, he has this hate relationship with doctors aka anybody that wears a white cloak and had lots of equipments in a room, and second, he hates it when u put an "earpiece thingy" into his ears except for a thermometer. He screamed and screamed. So the audiologist then suggested us to reschedule the appointment whereby they will get a doctor's letter to sedate zyon, just a mild one, for him to sleep to finish the test. Well, like i sad we tried everything and nothing worked so left without a choice, i agreed to the suggestion.

There was still an hour before zyon's appointment with the doctor for autism, so we took a walk around the area and there were so many shops sellng all kinds of toys and stuffs!! Naturally my kids were super excited. We walked into mothercare and the new "LeapPad2" caught my attention. My bestie wrote in her blog "Mother's Avenue" about it you can go check it out. Apparently this pad has 300 over learning games for children 3 - 9 years of age, it has both camera and video recording function, not to mention colouring , writing, music and many more. So  decided to get it for zyon. An early xmas present :p

• 
• tadah!!

Was half an hour to the appointment, we decided to do the registration first. After registration, a very kind nurse came over to inform us that due to certain circumstances, there are 2 more patients ahead of us and we had to wait for another hour. There were toys and books so we decided to just wait and not walk around. So long as the kids are entertained.

Time was passing slowly and waiting can be the worse feeling in the world..... So while waiting and the kids were having fun playng the toys in the waiting area, i was scanning the room. I heard a couple squabbling and natural human reaction was 'turn to look'. Their accent was quite strong and i couldnt really hear what they were squabbling about, but it seems it was because of their child's condition. I guess this is their first time seeing the doctor in regards to their child's development. The wife was blaming the husband about something and the husband was turning it back on her. Then they were getting louder and noticed me looking, the wife shushed her husband and they went back down on the tone. Of cos i realized i was rude to be listening to their conversation so i quickly looked away. We were in the same waiting room with small kids, so of cos there were a few times where we had eye contact. From her actions and they way she was talking to her child annd of co previously to her husband, i feel her defensive level is quite high. Its like trying to protect her child from being judged by other parents there. Its not wrong. Every mother tends to react like this the first time when told their child is different. Its a mother's instinct to protect her child. I've been through, i know how it feels. I wanted to walk over to talk to her as a kind of support but hahaha her defensive mode is on full power. So i thought, forget it, dont be such a busy body, so i turned away. Then after a while, while playing with my daughter cos she isnt a "fan" of waiting, i noticed somebody looking at me, i turned and saw another mother. She looked at me like i was weird. To me is singing a nursery rhyme and acting like a clown to entertain my children doesnt make me look crazy... does it? hahaha . Then i smiled at her and her child. OK........... she looked at me with a very defensive gaze.... i was taken aback and thought to myself "wow.... alright.... be defensive, you have all the right in the world to be upset now but pls dont take it out on me, i didnt do anything" LOL!!! I know i looked like that too a couple of months ago..... sad.... but hey things will work out. As parents we will never get over it, we just have to LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT.

Finally after a 2 hour wait, its zyon's turn... The doctor this time round has alot of  patience, was kind and understanding. She gave me the feeling of "being genuine". Its like from her eyes, she looks at zyon (though met for the 1st time) with concern, attention or maybe even love! She apologized that we had to wait so long and i assured her, its ok.

So she started interviewing me, asking me questions that i have answered a gazillion times to the different people who we have already seen, and also new questions. She was very patient to listen to my concerns and explain word by word to me. I told her i am not a medical student , i have no knowledge of medical terms, cause and effect, but i would like to ask how do they define autism in a 45min - 1 hr session just by observing my son and asking me questions? She answered me, i am not able to tell you your son has autism in 45 mins - 1hr session . I can only tell you the signs and as for the severity we need to do a long diagnosis and it requires a period of time. When she told me this, i know i can fully trust her and have faith that finally someone is assuring me and not labeling my son. As we spoke, she was observing zyon playing with the toys around him and in between she calls out to him and "boo" this made zyon laugh alot. She explained why she was asking these questions and she gave me information that i needed. School. (i will follow up on this again)

I told her zyon has been real friendly to strangers as he grows, its like he will hug and hold their hands etc, to me my son is being friendly and nice but when she told me this is actually wrong, i was like "oh!!". She said this is an inappropriate behaviour and that i must start teaching zyon that he must know the difference between family and stangers. Family hugs are good. However if its strangers, and he grows up still doing this, it will be a form of "molestation" by mistake. Wow.... i learnt a new thing. It never occured to me to think in that angle.

After she was done with the questions, she looked at me and said "you would be worried about his learning skills whether or not he can go to a normal mainstream school or special school, social skills whether or not he will make any friends, and getting himself a wife and have his own family."

I nodded.

I told her, "to be very honest with you, i came here mentally prepared, with inner peace. But im very sorry, i cant control myself." And my tears just rolled down my cheeks, drowning my eyeballs with a burning sensation. i said again "i know his condition, i know what has to be done, but somehow even though i tell myself that i have to be strong and there is an acceptance, somewhere deep in my heart, i refuse to acknowledge. Even though i am aware, but im only human. "

I know what its going to be like. I may not be able to see the future now, but i have a brief idea, i may be strong in acceptance (thus writing this blog to help parents to see that its not the end of the wordl) but hey we are only human. There will always be a small part in our heart that refuses to acknowledge. But dont let this small part take over you. Dont think that by refusing to acknowledge it will just go away and disappear.

It will not go away unless you accept it.

Its only through acceptance, then you can get the right help for your child.
Its ony through acceptance, then you can create a future for your child.
Its only through acceptance, then you will be able to get inner peace for you and your child.

Its only through acceptance, then your child will have his/her standing in the society.

Accept and acknowledge is the way to happiness.

remember : We will never get over it, we just have to learn to deal with it.

stressed about the kind of school to send your child to when there are so little options

Hi there, i was browsing around and came across this website giving advice on what kind of school you can prepare your child who is diagnosed with autism at ages 3 onwards (aka preschool).

Q: can i send my child to an ordinary preschool?
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/f/typicalpreschoo.htm

Q: should i send my child to a preschool or have them stay at home?
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/a/preschoolhub.htm
http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/f/homepreschooler.htm

Q: should my child attend an autism preschool?
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/f/autismpreschool.htm

Q: How to find a preschool for your child with autism
A: http://autism.about.com/od/childrenandautism/ht/findpreschool.htm

you can understand more on autism at this webpage:

http://autism.about.com/od/autismandthelaw/u/lifeonspectrum.htm#s2

every child is special in their own way, dont be ashamed just because your child was born with autism or any other kind of disablility, dont label your own child. Your child needs your support. I know it can be difficult especially when you bring your child who is not like any other average kids out to the mall or a diner and people starts looking at you "in a way" , take a deep breathe and smile back, let all ridicule and insults turn into a joke back at the person, people who understands the real meaning of life will treat you and your child with respect. Your child is what thats important. Face this challenge and you will realize you are blessed.

god bless you :) cheers!

The day of the Appointment

Time flies and 3 months went by.

The days were smooth and nothing much or special happened, we continued our daily routine and Zy's been really learning. We practice saying the alphabets and when i ask him which is which , he was able to point them out to me. Colors and shapes, all these interest him.

As usual because of me , my kids love to go to bookstores and look at interesting books. Especially those that were published by "Disney Junior".

It was the day of our appointment at KK Hospital. I told myself "this is it, the moment of truth." We woke up as per normal so zy was off to school and i start preparing what to bring, their lunch, get ready my baby girl and myselfand we were off to pick Zy up from school to the appointment. When we reached our destination, my heart was calm... im not sure why but somehow im not as frightened as before..I've felt hopeless, shattered and cried and now in not sure if i can go through the process again.  But probably becos of the previous experience and i've found out so much so much, gotten to the fact that he is still him. Nothing's changed. My son was still my son and he is still an affectionate boy learning new things everyday.. only slower.

Stepped into the Dept of Child Development, i started to get nervous. Registered at the counter and took a sit nearby. I felt weirdly calm after looking around. There were so many children with their parents waiting for their turn to see the doctor. Getting help. I realized i've been keeping my anxiety and stress about my little boy's problems somewhere in the corner of my mind and heart and now im going to face the fact.

"dom dom dom" My heart was pounding with the all so familiar way. The fear is back when it was almost our turn to be called. I shook my head, "nothing is impossble. there will be hopes. "

The nurse took Zy's particulars and told me that a short interview would be conducted then we'll get to see the preliminary examiner. Couldnt help and i started looking around again, so many children with development issues of all kinds!! One particular child caught my attention. He laughed and laughed to himself and when i turn to look at his parents, they were in a mess. His mother's eyes were red from crying and his father was like had a shock but tryng to reamin composed. Come to think of it, this was what me and my husband looked like a few months back. I could totally feel their pain, their inner hearts screaming and asking the same questions that i've asked a million times.

Finally, the psychologist called Zy's name. We stepped into a room with butterflies on walls and rubber flowers around , a red mat on the floor with toy trains and train tracks. The psychologist told us o take a seat and that Zy can play on the red mat with the toys there, so i told my little boy

"you can go over there to play darling"

Zy then smiled and insists to take off his shoes. Maybe he felt like in school, it was necessary. He placed his shoes neatly side by side beside my chair and went to the red mat and started playing on his own. The interviewer went on to ask me some basic questions about his behaviour and reactions in regards to certain issues and also what he can or cannot do to understand more on zy's development against the avergae milestone as per his peers. As i answered her questions, i felt that im trying so hard to recall even the smallest detail so as to justify, still trying hard to convince myself that it might just prove that my son is fine, its just that he is still young. My subconscious was really trying very hard. After the brief interview , we were then told to wait outside for the nurses to call our names again to check on zy's health. Just a few questions.

We were waiting in the waiting area again and another boy caught my attention. He was screaming and screaming and screaming. Then he bit himself on his arm and when his parents wanted to stop him, he bit them as well. Suddenly it occured to me, "hey, im not alone. im not the only parent facing this challenge. Many out there are struggling as hard as i am and their kids are struggling as hard as they can to be accepted into this society."

When the examiner called our name, soehow i felt that Zy knows why we're there. I dont know if its just me being sensitive, but she's not looking at my son like a child. Rather she is looking at my baby as though he is a 'thing' she is experimenting / researching on. She tried to play with Zy and talk to him but the way she was doing it was wrong. It was a wrong approach. I guessed that she isnt a mother yet. Whatever it is, Zy completely IGNORED her. Treated like she was invisible! Zy used to ignore people but that was a year ago since he last ignored people like that. He looked at what she was holding but simply completely not look at her face! Thus she couldnt get a response out of him. Zy's been really nice to his teachers in school, to all my relatives, all his father's relatives and even the strangers on the road when they say hi, but now that we're here for an assessment, he ignored the lady..... oh my goodness..............

Of cos immediately she thinks my son has a problem and yes is autistic and blah blah blah. The next thing i know she 'labelled' my son with autism. I tried real hard ot explain that he isnt like that, i mean come on, he is my son i think i know him better than someone who just met him for 20 mins isnt it??? but she didnt give me a chance and kept on writing her evaluation on her 'newly labeled research'.

I wanted to walk out of the office then she told me something that made me stop.

"I would also suggest a hearing test actually, It would not be a case of deafness but there is also a possibility that he cant hear certain frequencies and thus sometimes apears to be deaf. Television is mono toned hence everyone can hear it but human voice is different, nobody says the same things with the same tone. He could be suffering from that instead. Mainly because he is still young so we still cant confirm on autism. He will be checked on by our group of professionals on Autism, i will arrange an appt for that and a hearing test if its ok for you."

OF COS ITS OK!!!!!!!! I WAS THRILLED TO HEAR THAT!!! I mean if its really a case of hearing a hearing aid or a minor operation will help my son and he'll be able to live life as any other average kid! But then again if its really autism, at least now as a mother i will know exactly how i can help my son.

Suddenly, i realized my son was never really bothered by thunder since he was a baby... not once did he ever get shocked by the roaring of thunder when it rains. NOT ONCE. Then could it really be a heariing problem?? My heart desperately hoping its a hearing problem.

After we're done, i asked Zy "darling u wanna go to the toilet?"

He pulled his pants indicating "yes"

When we finally left the hospital i thought to myself , 'im only gonna know the outcome in december so i shant stress about it now.... we'll just focus on other stuffs and lead life as per normal'.

Zy would be performing in his school year end concert dancing the 'chicken dance' and his 3rd birthday would be around the corner ...lets just get pass it then ..

God, please bless zy...