life's ups and downs moment..

Yesterday i was browsing my facebook page and there was no interesting "new facts", no lame videos about other people, no gossips of celebrities etc etc and i was just clicking away..*click click click*

Then i clicked on my photo albums and saw the categorized pictures of my kids thats been organized by their monthly growth.

I opened the files one by one and browsed picture by picture, looking at how much they have changed... especially zyon.

Zyon is my first born and naturally he has more photos than his sister. Each and every picture that i took of him has a different emotion. And each and every one of those pics are priceless. Pics of him growing up month by month, pics of him smiling and crying, eventually leading to being independant. The proud smiles on me and hub's face... etc. Then the pics now.

I know i shouldnt be feeling this but im a human after all. I didnt realize it but suddenly tears came rolling in my eyes. I asked myself,

"Just what happened in between then and now? The smiles, the eye contact he used to have.. where have they gone to?"

As im typing this now, the feelings are back. The negativity, the unacceptance even though im very clear on whats going on and the situation now. Its not that i have not accepted yet but i guess given to any mothers in the world, there must be once of twice in a couple of months you feel down and the sadness just clings on to you for that moment... Then its gone again.

I then updated my facebook on my feelings and thoughts... Then one of my closest friend said this to me :

me :

"Was looking at zyon's pics when he was a baby...... then started tearing... wanted to cry.... but.... i swallowed it back."

 

my friend:

"So this sweet 3-year old has to stick with his routine, makes his preferences very clear...sometimes deals with things and emotions differently, right? Maybe that's how some 3-year olds are...and some hv a diagnosis attached.

I guess today is just one of those days that hit you...why does your "normal" have to be so challenging, eh? Chin-up, Mama! It is ok to have such feelings and down days :)"

 

 

Im really grateful to have friends like that around me... and suddenly i felt stronger than before and more grateful towards life....

 

 

I love my baby boy and am thanking god i have him.... My kids complete me.

A solution finally!!

Hi all!!!!!! From my previous post talking about Zyon's early intervention program thats gonna start soon, i took the opportunity and spoke to my boss about the problem i am facing.

With my boss being a mother herself with 2 kids, each a year older than my 2 kids, she totally understand what are the problems i will be facing, so she came up with the idea that on the respective days when zyon has to go SPD, im allowed to work at home!! So that at least im there with zonya.

Seriously, i was really grateful when i heard this suggestion and i know i will def do all i can for the company from now on. Even though it was nothing big deal to some of you out there, but to me, its a big deal. Its like, the boss can ask me to resign or take unpaid leave, or work part time and salary wise negotiate again. But no. They trust me. They trust that i can still get things done and completed even if im at home. They trust that i needed this time to look after my daughter and not that im working on something else somewhere else. They wont touch on my salary and they will do whatever they can to give me raises and extra income should i require with jobs on the weekends.

Being human, i know some people (like my mum and husband) will think

"cos they dont wanna hire again and train again"
"cos they can then manipulate you"
"whatever they tell you to do you cant reject them, they are smart"

In a tone filled with negativity.

But honestly, as a human being, i didnt think of all these. These are negative thoughts. To me, i felt that the company is doing whatever they can for the benefit for both sides. And to have this bond called trust, you dont see them everywhere nowadays. The only thought i had when i heard the suggestion was

"im so grateful, thank you for your help"

Im not a saint, nor am i naive. Im just me. A person that knows how to be grateful and thankful. Nobody owes anybody anything. But knowing gratitude and being thankful makes the life easier and world a much beautiful place. Humans need to show more care towards each other and negativity just kills it all.

sometimes, sit back and think, maybe a thank you means nothing but words, however by saying thank you, shows you appreciate the person or their actions and it brings a smile to everyone's faces. Doesnt it sound good?