Independence is priceless

Recently, Zyon has been showing signs that he is a big boy. 

Making decisions like when he wants to shower, what he wants from the fridge. 

Cleanliness has always been quite systematic for Zyon at home. More like when is it time to shower was originally decided by the adults, me when I'm at home. All i had to do was watch the time and tell him "Zyon, its time to shower! Grab your towel!!" And you will see my baby no matter what he is doing at that time or which part of the house he happens to be in, running to grab his towel and head towards the toilet. 

But now, without anyone saying anything, he walks straight to the toilet, takes off all his clothes and close the door. Before you know it, the sound of splashing water comes on. Not just because he feels warm, but basically I'm guessing it's because of his own personal hygiene. Why do i say this? Because even if he just showered half an hour ago, he would still proceed to shower again if he went to poop. 

Honestly speaking, i feel so proud of him. Its like he is beginning to grab hold of the fact that he has a choice. That he can make choices. Even if it is as simple as deciding himself when he wants to take a shower. Of course the crazy old ladies at home made it seem like its another troublesome issue/ phase Zyon is having because although he knows that he wants a shower but technically he is not able to shower himself just yet, hence it is something that requires assistance from the adults. They just thought he was being "naughty" and troublesome. 

If you have been following my blog you should know that I'm a mother that doesn't very much constrict my children. So i told Zyon what he did was right and I'm so very proud of him. Irregardless of whether it is troublesome or not, in my point of view, my son is showing signs of independence! 

I Cant be More PROUD!!

I held onto him, hugged him tight and look at his face to get his attention, and i told him,

"Mommy is so proud of you! Well done! You are a big boy now :)! Well done!!!"

His reaction to me, though short but sweet. He looked at me with eye contact, smiled then ran off to his books. 

Although I'm not exactly supported by family members who thinks i "condone" my son to doing whatever he wants and likes and i drown him in love. But really, is it? 

I do not deny that i do give him what he wants but it also depends on what exactly is it that he wants! Though not many people don't think in that way. 

Today in this society, many parents are more concerned with adherence to social convention than the progress their children are making. And i do not support that. 

YES, we all want our children to be "normal" like all the other children you see. But honestly what exactly is "normal"? How do you define normal? Doing the same things like everyone is doing? 

Mr A sleeps at 9 am and wakes up at 9pm, seeing this, Mr B does the same thing. Then came Mr C, D,E,F,G etc etc. Then are we to conclude that sleep time from 9am to 9 pm is the "normal"? Thats rubbish. I know the earth doesn't just belong to 1 person. I know the society is created and works in a way that it is able to accommodate to everyone from all over the world. But really? Do i want to follow suit just so i may be accepted as part of the society? That is my only way? To prove my worth in existing? 

Reluctantly and very Sadly, yes.

But i still want to make a difference. Because sometimes i do believe strongly that "you could still want something that is very unlikely to happen, happen". 

I can't change the world, i don't want to. Im not a saint neither can i force anyone to do anything just because i think it is right.  Because everybody in the world speaks their own kind of language, live by their own rules. 

But at least i can make a difference for my son. Im building his foundation. I am preparing his future. I believe in building the right foundation, come rain or shine, he will never fall. 

Autism isn't a fault. Its a variant. it's potentially a major advantage. It is associated with organisation, focus, innovative thinking and rational detachment. Isn't all these points what we all aim to achieve? what we all strive so hard everyday to achieve? 

But my son already achieved it. He is only 6. And he will only be much more evolved than his peers. The world is too slow for Autism. 

Don't ever be happy because you are normal. Normal is nothing. Whether or not you are able to do something or achieve something in your life makes no difference to anyone. Whether or not you exist, the earth still spins. 

But Autism, they take in every single bit of this world and create using all of it. This is something us "normal" people can't do. 

don't you think? 

The "CENT"ury of technology and gadgets

Few hundred years ago, there were no computers, no tv, no gadgets, no smartphones . Most imptly, no electricity. The human species have evoluted and has proven that the human brain once "activated" , we are smart creatures without the help of technologies. In those days, "technologies" were refered as "strategies".

Its the 21st century now, the world has changed. As much as i hate to admit,  i fully agree that everytime my smartphone beeps, i get a little dumber. I depend very much on my smartphone for every little thing in my life. As a working mother, i use my smartphone which i shall refer to as my "bestie" , for replying of emails, googling for the latest fashion code, buying stuffs that i cant get anywhere in my country, calculator,  listening to music, watching movies, reading ebooks, sending proposals, calling my husband from the toilet when there is no shampoo left on the rack and even now, blogging.

Apps are seriously useful, no matter how old you are, there is definitely a certain number of apps you can download just by "poking" the screen of your very own "bestie". And once again as much as i hate to admit, it has saved me from a lot of drama when it comes to my kids. Unnecessary cryings throughout the car ride, at the dinner table where the kids are done but you are still halfway through your meal or so long you are in the middle of "waiting" , you will be grateful for the invention of smartphones. 😢😢

Yes i do agree with children experts that says "electronic devices are not good for children", etc etc blah blah blah . I really agree on it. However, viewing from another perspective, its just like computers. 

When computers were first invented, its was a huge thing. Good use, helped alot blah blah blah,  then kids started playing games... addicted to surfing online... bio hazard games... so on and so forth. And the people who used to think the greatest invention of all times starts thinking its not a good thing after all. And bad reviews abt computers started. Which till date is still a bad thing however the human species are not able to live without one after they have owned one.

Many parents like me agree that tablets and those electronic devices are bad for our kids, but the biggest group of consumers are these people. How ironic.  Lol
Well, like slapping myself in the face, i really cant find a reason to convince myself that my kids are better off without a tablet.  Just like the computers only era, although it was a wrong (not bad) invention, and people know it , they still have to learn it and accept it. Cos this is what the society is made of already. It has quietly crept into our lives and became so important that everyone has to have that teeny wee bit of knowledge about it. And today if u are not computer literate, u cant get a good job, you cant connect to the world,  u cant do many things.

Same thing goes with tablets. Its bad i know, but the future is gonna be all abt tabs... at least for the next 5 to 7 years before something much more tech savvy is being invented. And by then the world is moving and working with the help of tabs but your kid dont even have the knowledge of "how to use one " who will be crying then? The kid. Who to blame then? The parents who didnt get them 1 😧😧

Its not an excuse, but breathe in and think about it. Its really not wrong.
I was looking through the website of Autism speaks, one of the biggest organization for Autism and i saw they had a link on their page stating "apps". I clicked in and started browsing, whoa i must say im SUPER IMPRESSED. THE SPEECH COMMUNICATOR??!!!!!!!!!!! GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Something that i have always wanted 😍😍😍 and the next moment, its zyon's birthday next month. I started my crazy research and reading countless reviews and thought about it for a whole month!!!! Finally........ as a parent,  i have decided.... yes.......

I did it. Zyon is getting one for his birthday. 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

Alright. ...... i know you must be thinking me writing so much crap for wat right??.. oh well, to be truthful, whatever i have written is really what i think, a small part though is making myself feel better as a parent that yep i got my 5 years old baby a tab for his birthday this year. However i am really excited about the speech communicator, if you are one of those parents who really want to try on it go to autism speaks website and you will be able to find apps catered to either apple or android usage, i have scanned through its awesome 😄😄 and as im using a tablet, the playstore has alot of apps catered for autism!!! Go take a look!!!

Im super excited. And i cant wait to see zyon's face when he gets his present 😊😊

"Mummy, life is not how u live"

Rushed home last night after work to spend some time with the kidlets.. The moment i opened the door screams of "mummy"!! came and zyon smiled, the widest smile :) Sometimes it just makes me feel stress free just looking at their smiles.. nothing beats the smiles of the people you love..

Being mummy is hard and honestly, im not the perfect kind of mummy. Friends asks me, do i regret having the kidlets. My answer ? Yeah. In a way.

Had i known bringing zyon to this world would make him go through the ugly side of how humanity has created the "society" i would never have my baby. Humanity, comes with a huge load of irony and contradictions. That makes it hard to live. To live is not difficult, whats difficult is the process of living. Me alone is not able to make a difference on how to make the environment better enough for the benefit of my child, or rather children with special needs. Everyone is working on their children based on their own way of living, their own thots. Getting people to know about Autism and other special needs, more has to be done.

Some parents are wat we call "normal" family. No thots, only try to create the "model" family that everyone looks, envies and agrees. Have breakfast in the morning, sends the kids to school, have dinner together, supervise homeworks, send kids to extra curriculum lessons, etiquette teachings, family day on sunday with pancakes on the tables. Why pancakes? no idea, basically everyone with "classy modern thinking" must have pancakes with bacon and eggs with milk and juice plus coffee with daddy reading his papers and the kids having cereals and mum by the stove waiting to make more pancakes. Just like the movies.
Some, based on how they were brought up and carry on the vicious cycle of the values and teaching they have received from their parents. Putting in on their children, thinking that "this" is then the right kind of teaching they should receive not realizing the next generation will just be like them. Makes them  more like family maybe? Apparently these people thinks that they are "normal"but not quite there yet.
Some just wants to make a difference. Tries to give their children what they didnt have to begin with and end up getting lost somewhere because they do not have the slightest idea what to really do.

Which kind are you?

Im thinking i belong to the 3rd kind. Tried to make a difference and end up getting lost somewhere. Honestly , lets face it. NOBODY can make perfect parenting. But this is not a bad thing mainly because such is life sometimes. Life needs people of all kinds to create a certain balance. Its only when there is peace and equality, something is then wrong.

its only nobody wants to be at the bottom of the human class.

Its this kind of "society" makes me panic and wake up in the middle of the night thinking what am i going to do next. Im having a race with time, at the rate zyon is growing up day by day..
The ignorance level of autism is nearly zero in the "society" that i live in, and yes its affecting me. Its affecting my son. - Thats wat i thought.

However i have come to realise, i maybe wrong. It is affecting me somehow, but zyon is living his life stronger than me. I admire my child.
He views the world in his own way, handles his stress in his own way even though not being understood by the people around him. People we see as important, friends and family. He faces this world technically by himself. And he is only 5. He thinks and acts straight forwardly, doesnt think about embarrassment, isnt afraid to have no friends, does what he feels like doing, focus on what interests him, have no issues with time, not caring on how to make others happy so he is liked and not being disliked.

Isnt this all what we all really want but yet we cant do it?

My son is 5, and he is stronger than the people around him.

I admire my son's way of life, i salute his thinking towards life. I thought as a mother i should be teaching him about the world. But no, my son is teaching me about life.

life's ups and downs moment..

Yesterday i was browsing my facebook page and there was no interesting "new facts", no lame videos about other people, no gossips of celebrities etc etc and i was just clicking away..*click click click*

Then i clicked on my photo albums and saw the categorized pictures of my kids thats been organized by their monthly growth.

I opened the files one by one and browsed picture by picture, looking at how much they have changed... especially zyon.

Zyon is my first born and naturally he has more photos than his sister. Each and every picture that i took of him has a different emotion. And each and every one of those pics are priceless. Pics of him growing up month by month, pics of him smiling and crying, eventually leading to being independant. The proud smiles on me and hub's face... etc. Then the pics now.

I know i shouldnt be feeling this but im a human after all. I didnt realize it but suddenly tears came rolling in my eyes. I asked myself,

"Just what happened in between then and now? The smiles, the eye contact he used to have.. where have they gone to?"

As im typing this now, the feelings are back. The negativity, the unacceptance even though im very clear on whats going on and the situation now. Its not that i have not accepted yet but i guess given to any mothers in the world, there must be once of twice in a couple of months you feel down and the sadness just clings on to you for that moment... Then its gone again.

I then updated my facebook on my feelings and thoughts... Then one of my closest friend said this to me :

me :

"Was looking at zyon's pics when he was a baby...... then started tearing... wanted to cry.... but.... i swallowed it back."

 

my friend:

"So this sweet 3-year old has to stick with his routine, makes his preferences very clear...sometimes deals with things and emotions differently, right? Maybe that's how some 3-year olds are...and some hv a diagnosis attached.

I guess today is just one of those days that hit you...why does your "normal" have to be so challenging, eh? Chin-up, Mama! It is ok to have such feelings and down days :)"

 

 

Im really grateful to have friends like that around me... and suddenly i felt stronger than before and more grateful towards life....

 

 

I love my baby boy and am thanking god i have him.... My kids complete me.

Family support is very important

You know when you meet with problems be it big or small, your family should be there To support u, but the sad fact turns out to be No. I have been staying with my,mother since i moved back n she has no idea what autism is all about. This i dont blame her. I will provide the information if need be becos most of the time i dont think she accepts the phase of "acceptance".

She disagrees on my decision of sending zy for certain therapies and thinks im making a mountain out of a hole. To her, zy isnt all that bad, which i agree in certain aspects, and as long as we think he doesnt have a problem, he will not have a prOblem. this i cannot agree.  By ignoring zy's condition is not going to make it go away n zy get cured miraculously. I then went for workshops and each time i came home feeling full of hopes, she would then make snide comments or think that its completely useless... am so fed up with her on this issue. She thinks that im living in my own world and not listening to other's opinions. In other words, her opinion. She thinks by sending zy to her religious teacher, he will b able to cure him. this i do not agree and suddenly she thinks im the reincarnation of evil. Wtf.

Science n logic is evil??

She kept emphasizing that im living in my own world. Sorry but may  ask who in this world doesnt 'live in their own world' ? The right word to describe is "selfishness".

There is no right nor wrong in life, only different in mentality. Just because she cant accept my way of leading my life n teaching my children, doesnt mean that im living in my own world. It just means that i dont want to live in HER world.

I dont know what the key to happiness is, but the key to misery is defintely pleasing everyone but urself.

Sorry mum, i dont wanna b u.