Independence is priceless

Recently, Zyon has been showing signs that he is a big boy. 

Making decisions like when he wants to shower, what he wants from the fridge. 

Cleanliness has always been quite systematic for Zyon at home. More like when is it time to shower was originally decided by the adults, me when I'm at home. All i had to do was watch the time and tell him "Zyon, its time to shower! Grab your towel!!" And you will see my baby no matter what he is doing at that time or which part of the house he happens to be in, running to grab his towel and head towards the toilet. 

But now, without anyone saying anything, he walks straight to the toilet, takes off all his clothes and close the door. Before you know it, the sound of splashing water comes on. Not just because he feels warm, but basically I'm guessing it's because of his own personal hygiene. Why do i say this? Because even if he just showered half an hour ago, he would still proceed to shower again if he went to poop. 

Honestly speaking, i feel so proud of him. Its like he is beginning to grab hold of the fact that he has a choice. That he can make choices. Even if it is as simple as deciding himself when he wants to take a shower. Of course the crazy old ladies at home made it seem like its another troublesome issue/ phase Zyon is having because although he knows that he wants a shower but technically he is not able to shower himself just yet, hence it is something that requires assistance from the adults. They just thought he was being "naughty" and troublesome. 

If you have been following my blog you should know that I'm a mother that doesn't very much constrict my children. So i told Zyon what he did was right and I'm so very proud of him. Irregardless of whether it is troublesome or not, in my point of view, my son is showing signs of independence! 

I Cant be More PROUD!!

I held onto him, hugged him tight and look at his face to get his attention, and i told him,

"Mommy is so proud of you! Well done! You are a big boy now :)! Well done!!!"

His reaction to me, though short but sweet. He looked at me with eye contact, smiled then ran off to his books. 

Although I'm not exactly supported by family members who thinks i "condone" my son to doing whatever he wants and likes and i drown him in love. But really, is it? 

I do not deny that i do give him what he wants but it also depends on what exactly is it that he wants! Though not many people don't think in that way. 

Today in this society, many parents are more concerned with adherence to social convention than the progress their children are making. And i do not support that. 

YES, we all want our children to be "normal" like all the other children you see. But honestly what exactly is "normal"? How do you define normal? Doing the same things like everyone is doing? 

Mr A sleeps at 9 am and wakes up at 9pm, seeing this, Mr B does the same thing. Then came Mr C, D,E,F,G etc etc. Then are we to conclude that sleep time from 9am to 9 pm is the "normal"? Thats rubbish. I know the earth doesn't just belong to 1 person. I know the society is created and works in a way that it is able to accommodate to everyone from all over the world. But really? Do i want to follow suit just so i may be accepted as part of the society? That is my only way? To prove my worth in existing? 

Reluctantly and very Sadly, yes.

But i still want to make a difference. Because sometimes i do believe strongly that "you could still want something that is very unlikely to happen, happen". 

I can't change the world, i don't want to. Im not a saint neither can i force anyone to do anything just because i think it is right.  Because everybody in the world speaks their own kind of language, live by their own rules. 

But at least i can make a difference for my son. Im building his foundation. I am preparing his future. I believe in building the right foundation, come rain or shine, he will never fall. 

Autism isn't a fault. Its a variant. it's potentially a major advantage. It is associated with organisation, focus, innovative thinking and rational detachment. Isn't all these points what we all aim to achieve? what we all strive so hard everyday to achieve? 

But my son already achieved it. He is only 6. And he will only be much more evolved than his peers. The world is too slow for Autism. 

Don't ever be happy because you are normal. Normal is nothing. Whether or not you are able to do something or achieve something in your life makes no difference to anyone. Whether or not you exist, the earth still spins. 

But Autism, they take in every single bit of this world and create using all of it. This is something us "normal" people can't do. 

don't you think? 

"Mummy, life is not how u live"

Rushed home last night after work to spend some time with the kidlets.. The moment i opened the door screams of "mummy"!! came and zyon smiled, the widest smile :) Sometimes it just makes me feel stress free just looking at their smiles.. nothing beats the smiles of the people you love..

Being mummy is hard and honestly, im not the perfect kind of mummy. Friends asks me, do i regret having the kidlets. My answer ? Yeah. In a way.

Had i known bringing zyon to this world would make him go through the ugly side of how humanity has created the "society" i would never have my baby. Humanity, comes with a huge load of irony and contradictions. That makes it hard to live. To live is not difficult, whats difficult is the process of living. Me alone is not able to make a difference on how to make the environment better enough for the benefit of my child, or rather children with special needs. Everyone is working on their children based on their own way of living, their own thots. Getting people to know about Autism and other special needs, more has to be done.

Some parents are wat we call "normal" family. No thots, only try to create the "model" family that everyone looks, envies and agrees. Have breakfast in the morning, sends the kids to school, have dinner together, supervise homeworks, send kids to extra curriculum lessons, etiquette teachings, family day on sunday with pancakes on the tables. Why pancakes? no idea, basically everyone with "classy modern thinking" must have pancakes with bacon and eggs with milk and juice plus coffee with daddy reading his papers and the kids having cereals and mum by the stove waiting to make more pancakes. Just like the movies.
Some, based on how they were brought up and carry on the vicious cycle of the values and teaching they have received from their parents. Putting in on their children, thinking that "this" is then the right kind of teaching they should receive not realizing the next generation will just be like them. Makes them  more like family maybe? Apparently these people thinks that they are "normal"but not quite there yet.
Some just wants to make a difference. Tries to give their children what they didnt have to begin with and end up getting lost somewhere because they do not have the slightest idea what to really do.

Which kind are you?

Im thinking i belong to the 3rd kind. Tried to make a difference and end up getting lost somewhere. Honestly , lets face it. NOBODY can make perfect parenting. But this is not a bad thing mainly because such is life sometimes. Life needs people of all kinds to create a certain balance. Its only when there is peace and equality, something is then wrong.

its only nobody wants to be at the bottom of the human class.

Its this kind of "society" makes me panic and wake up in the middle of the night thinking what am i going to do next. Im having a race with time, at the rate zyon is growing up day by day..
The ignorance level of autism is nearly zero in the "society" that i live in, and yes its affecting me. Its affecting my son. - Thats wat i thought.

However i have come to realise, i maybe wrong. It is affecting me somehow, but zyon is living his life stronger than me. I admire my child.
He views the world in his own way, handles his stress in his own way even though not being understood by the people around him. People we see as important, friends and family. He faces this world technically by himself. And he is only 5. He thinks and acts straight forwardly, doesnt think about embarrassment, isnt afraid to have no friends, does what he feels like doing, focus on what interests him, have no issues with time, not caring on how to make others happy so he is liked and not being disliked.

Isnt this all what we all really want but yet we cant do it?

My son is 5, and he is stronger than the people around him.

I admire my son's way of life, i salute his thinking towards life. I thought as a mother i should be teaching him about the world. But no, my son is teaching me about life.