i learnt something new on the weekend~

Hey everyone! Its a monday.... i know it sucks but hey, you'll never know if somehing good will happen today right? So suck it up and be happy!!

So fast its a new week.. i have been doing alot of researching and reading. Found out some new information got inspired by alot of people. Also got some new questions that i need to find answers to.

Was watching a video about the different kinds of Autism and the host of the short documentary was a young girl who has the condition called Asperger's Syndrome. Her name is Rosie. She has dreams, goals and ambitions. Just like an average kid. However, the things that she sees and her "logic" is different from an average person. Thats all.


These are what i've found out researching during the weekend:

If you think that a person with autism doesnt know whats going on around them and havent got a clue about life, you are so wrong, they infact know and understands whats going on and whats wrong with them, but they cant control themselves.

They can be very sensitive with their senses, every little sound, light, smell that we think is normal can be exaggerated 50X more to them. Imagine sitting in a cafe and having a conversation with your friend, its very normal to you but to people with autism, they get very distracted with everything going around. For example, the door is opening and losing,people are walking in and out , people are staring, the noise the coffee grinder is making.. etc etc. It all comes together. They struggle and face challenges every single day on things that we take for granted.

Only 1 out of 6 child with autism can get a full time paying job when they grow up, Out of 4 , 3 children with autism gets bullied.

Some children will grow to have self injurous behaviour , not that they want to hurt themselves  but they cant help it.Its like a can of coca cola, if you shake it but you dont open it, it'll explode, a normal person being locked up in a body they cant control... the most hurtful part is they dont wanna do it, but they cant control it.

Autism is a neurological disorder. And there is no cure yet. It impacts the typical development of the brain and people diagnosed with the condition finds it hard to communicate with others or relate to the outside world, hence they may not have friends and they do not understand social ettiquett. Its defintely not caused by bad parenting and its not a form of mental illness. It affects the person but does not define them. And like all people, they have their strength and weaknesses .

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Saw a video as well on a teenage girl named carly, she was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 2. Her parents neve gave up, she was non verbal. One day at the age of 10, carly reached over to their laptop and typed "help teeth hurt" . Everyone was shocked! So she practiced and practiced typing with one finger communicating with her parents and people worldwide who knows about her story.
See?
Dont give up on your child or people around u that has a condition of autism. You'll never know what to expect!

I find that there are still many parents out there who still refuse to recognise the condition of their child. Ignoring it thinking its a nightmare that will go away eventually. And some parents who acknowledges the condition and start drowning the child with love, giving in as and when the child wants something, dont get it and throw tantrums.

I feel that everything has to be in moderate. Moderate pressure to give to the child to learn, moderate pressure to give in to the child when throwing tantrums. We as parents shouldnt ignore their condition and also not giving in to whatever they want just because they have a condition. Everything has to be in moderation. Of cos the level of moderation, you will have to gauge yourself because you know your child better than any doctors or therapist who have seen him/her .  Every child is different. Whatever advice doctors and therapists gives you is based on the average, so it is your job to find the most suitable and comfortable way for your child to grow and learn.

Me myself, i teach zyon in my range of moderation, when he throws a tantrum, i will ask him what is it he wants. He will try to gesture to me and of cos as his mother one look and i know what he wants but  try to make him communicate with me which he always tries. If its something he can play with i will give it to him and at the same time explain that he just has to tell me or gesture to me, no need for tantrums. And if its something that is not allowed for him to play with, i give him a firm NO. Of cos the word no will make him yell and scream, i will continue to say no. And explain. If he still insists after about 5 times and i cant get him to stop, the cane will appear and i will say "stop zyon". He sees it, and will stop immediately. Wipes his tears and get other toys to play. (i used the cane once only on his leg a long time ago and he remembers how it felt) This has proven he knows. And he can be taught not to throw tantrums as and when he likes. He tends to bang his head on the floor on certain times and he realised its painful so now when he does that, he goes slow motion (very slowly) and hit his head against the floor and when i ignore him he will walk over, take my hand and rub his head gesturing for me to love him. I will rub his head, kiss him then explain to him that behaving this (banging head) is of no use. He stopped doing it.

When do we know when the child is just throwing tantrums or its because of the condition? This is a question i have to find out. This is a question we as parents have to find out.

I just wanna remind all parents out there with their child diagnosed with autism, u are not alone. Dont give up. Deal with it. Focus. There will be times when u wake up feeling really exhausted and frustrated, you are only human. Its ok to feel that way, you are not a bad parent. But DONT let the negativity take over you. DONT allow the negativity to blur your vision and take over your mind.

As i find out more and have more knowledge, i feel more confident in my son, and myself. I now have a clear vision on whats next. I hope i have given you hope. Lets motivate ourselves and move forward!!!!!!!

cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

see the world thru the eyes of a person with autism

People with Autism face challenges and struggles every single day about things that we take for granted.

This video shows how a teenage girl who is non verbal and suddenly one day she went to a laptop in her home and started typing, and so begins her communication with her family and people worldwide..

Her name is Carly.

http://youtu.be/vNZVV4Ciccg


This infact proved that when you think that people with Autism is not aware of whats going on around them and live life like they havent got a clue, then you are SO WRONG.....

See the world thru carly's eyes, see the world through the eyes of people with autism...

http://youtu.be/KmDGvquzn2k

Never give up on your child that is diagnosed with autism, give them the time they need to find a way to open up to you..

have a great weekend.. :)

I can learn too!

ok..... so looking at the picture i posted up there you should know the topic that im going to write about. :)

Getting a school for a preschool child is hard, and getting the right preschool for a child diagnosed with autism is worse!!

A preschool teacher doesnt necessarily need alot of experience or qualifications to teach. That goes to say they also will not really know how to handle or communicate wth a child that is with an autism condition because they dont require that form of training. And as humans, what do you do when you have 12 kids being able to communicate with you and 1 that doesnt? Natural instincts of an average human would ignore the 1 because he or she would be too busy with the 12. And if i were to send my boy to a normal mainstream school with teachers that doesnt know how to communicate with him and leaves him alone letting him do whatever he wants so as not to distract the rest of the class (which i already have experienced a school telling me that) , then what the whole point of zyon going to school at all???? Nowadays in this society, its hard to find a teacher who teaches with passion... im lucky that zyon's previous school teacher is an angel.. she helped alot and spent alot of time on zyon one on one to guide and teach him. I must say my son has improved so much and a great part of it was thanks to her... The Teacher's role in the life of a child with autism is VERY important.

So i got zyon's doctor from the hospital to recommend me schools that are "autism - friendly" , and thank goodness there is such a term!! She gave me a list of schools whereby they have teachers who are trained to teach children diagnosed with autism and they get to interact with an average kid because it is a normal mainstream school! Let me just emphasize one important point, children who are diagnosed with autism is not of low IQ or mentally retarded. They have the thinking and thoughts of a normal child, its just the way they see through their eyes and the reaction they have towards certain issues is different.

To explain in simple words means imagine our body, our 5 senses, why do we feel , know ,see ,smell and hear? when something happens for example we get scalded, the feel the hot touches our skin, the nerves in our body sends messages to our brain. Our brain then process this as hot and pain. But for a person with autism, he or her messengers that were supposed to send these signals are not sending them correctly, its all over the place, hence their reaction towards expressing is not the same. They might not feel the pain at all. In short, people with autism recieves their signals all over the place in their brain and not like what their supposed to like an average person.

For those parents who are like me facing this "school problem" and are panicking, dont worry, check with your child's doctor for alternatives and advice. Im sure they will have the sufficient information for you.

For those parents who thinks that your child is the smartest and you wont want other children to distract your child's progress in school, pls ah , you dont own the school. Dont like it, move your child to another school ok?

remember : Autism is NOT contagious. IGNORANCE IS.
                   Autism is NOT a tragedy. IGNORANCE IS.

just for you to know more

 





what the world needs now is love sweet love

Have you ever felt lonely?

Have you ever felt helpless?

Have you ever felt lost?

Have you ever felt exhausted?


If yes, do you remember how you wished someone was there for you during those times?
How you wished someone knew how you felt and understood what you were going through?

Now that you made it through those dark times, look around you.

Can you see someone else feeling lonely, helpless, lost, exhausted and in their dark times?

Be their that special someone. Make a difference.

Talk to them, show them that you care, it will not take up too much of your time.

Make a difference, you might be able to help alot. Be it just being a listening ear, emotional support, mental support.

make the first step.

And pass this to another person, it would go round.

The world would be a much better place isnt it?

Compassion is what humanity needs now. Lets not be selfish and ...

Make a difference 

 



ah... my questions are answered

Yesterday was the evaluation of zyon's condition for autism. We were supposed to have a hearing test and then see the doctor for an assessment for zyon's autism test.

I must say after seeing so many professionals, im feeling exhausted. Going through the same questions, me answering the same answers, then going through new questions and zyon being watched and observed by new doctors..... i just hope to get a conclusion so i can move on to the next step.

When we reached the hospital for the hearing test appointment, the queue was fast and we got to see the audiologist very quickly. Tried all ways and means but zyon wouldnt give in. He kep screaming and crying! And since doing a hearing test requires him to keep very quiet for at most 5 mins, to my little boy its literally impossible. First, he has this hate relationship with doctors aka anybody that wears a white cloak and had lots of equipments in a room, and second, he hates it when u put an "earpiece thingy" into his ears except for a thermometer. He screamed and screamed. So the audiologist then suggested us to reschedule the appointment whereby they will get a doctor's letter to sedate zyon, just a mild one, for him to sleep to finish the test. Well, like i sad we tried everything and nothing worked so left without a choice, i agreed to the suggestion.

There was still an hour before zyon's appointment with the doctor for autism, so we took a walk around the area and there were so many shops sellng all kinds of toys and stuffs!! Naturally my kids were super excited. We walked into mothercare and the new "LeapPad2" caught my attention. My bestie wrote in her blog "Mother's Avenue" about it you can go check it out. Apparently this pad has 300 over learning games for children 3 - 9 years of age, it has both camera and video recording function, not to mention colouring , writing, music and many more. So  decided to get it for zyon. An early xmas present :p

• 
• tadah!!

Was half an hour to the appointment, we decided to do the registration first. After registration, a very kind nurse came over to inform us that due to certain circumstances, there are 2 more patients ahead of us and we had to wait for another hour. There were toys and books so we decided to just wait and not walk around. So long as the kids are entertained.

Time was passing slowly and waiting can be the worse feeling in the world..... So while waiting and the kids were having fun playng the toys in the waiting area, i was scanning the room. I heard a couple squabbling and natural human reaction was 'turn to look'. Their accent was quite strong and i couldnt really hear what they were squabbling about, but it seems it was because of their child's condition. I guess this is their first time seeing the doctor in regards to their child's development. The wife was blaming the husband about something and the husband was turning it back on her. Then they were getting louder and noticed me looking, the wife shushed her husband and they went back down on the tone. Of cos i realized i was rude to be listening to their conversation so i quickly looked away. We were in the same waiting room with small kids, so of cos there were a few times where we had eye contact. From her actions and they way she was talking to her child annd of co previously to her husband, i feel her defensive level is quite high. Its like trying to protect her child from being judged by other parents there. Its not wrong. Every mother tends to react like this the first time when told their child is different. Its a mother's instinct to protect her child. I've been through, i know how it feels. I wanted to walk over to talk to her as a kind of support but hahaha her defensive mode is on full power. So i thought, forget it, dont be such a busy body, so i turned away. Then after a while, while playing with my daughter cos she isnt a "fan" of waiting, i noticed somebody looking at me, i turned and saw another mother. She looked at me like i was weird. To me is singing a nursery rhyme and acting like a clown to entertain my children doesnt make me look crazy... does it? hahaha . Then i smiled at her and her child. OK........... she looked at me with a very defensive gaze.... i was taken aback and thought to myself "wow.... alright.... be defensive, you have all the right in the world to be upset now but pls dont take it out on me, i didnt do anything" LOL!!! I know i looked like that too a couple of months ago..... sad.... but hey things will work out. As parents we will never get over it, we just have to LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT.

Finally after a 2 hour wait, its zyon's turn... The doctor this time round has alot of  patience, was kind and understanding. She gave me the feeling of "being genuine". Its like from her eyes, she looks at zyon (though met for the 1st time) with concern, attention or maybe even love! She apologized that we had to wait so long and i assured her, its ok.

So she started interviewing me, asking me questions that i have answered a gazillion times to the different people who we have already seen, and also new questions. She was very patient to listen to my concerns and explain word by word to me. I told her i am not a medical student , i have no knowledge of medical terms, cause and effect, but i would like to ask how do they define autism in a 45min - 1 hr session just by observing my son and asking me questions? She answered me, i am not able to tell you your son has autism in 45 mins - 1hr session . I can only tell you the signs and as for the severity we need to do a long diagnosis and it requires a period of time. When she told me this, i know i can fully trust her and have faith that finally someone is assuring me and not labeling my son. As we spoke, she was observing zyon playing with the toys around him and in between she calls out to him and "boo" this made zyon laugh alot. She explained why she was asking these questions and she gave me information that i needed. School. (i will follow up on this again)

I told her zyon has been real friendly to strangers as he grows, its like he will hug and hold their hands etc, to me my son is being friendly and nice but when she told me this is actually wrong, i was like "oh!!". She said this is an inappropriate behaviour and that i must start teaching zyon that he must know the difference between family and stangers. Family hugs are good. However if its strangers, and he grows up still doing this, it will be a form of "molestation" by mistake. Wow.... i learnt a new thing. It never occured to me to think in that angle.

After she was done with the questions, she looked at me and said "you would be worried about his learning skills whether or not he can go to a normal mainstream school or special school, social skills whether or not he will make any friends, and getting himself a wife and have his own family."

I nodded.

I told her, "to be very honest with you, i came here mentally prepared, with inner peace. But im very sorry, i cant control myself." And my tears just rolled down my cheeks, drowning my eyeballs with a burning sensation. i said again "i know his condition, i know what has to be done, but somehow even though i tell myself that i have to be strong and there is an acceptance, somewhere deep in my heart, i refuse to acknowledge. Even though i am aware, but im only human. "

I know what its going to be like. I may not be able to see the future now, but i have a brief idea, i may be strong in acceptance (thus writing this blog to help parents to see that its not the end of the wordl) but hey we are only human. There will always be a small part in our heart that refuses to acknowledge. But dont let this small part take over you. Dont think that by refusing to acknowledge it will just go away and disappear.

It will not go away unless you accept it.

Its only through acceptance, then you can get the right help for your child.
Its ony through acceptance, then you can create a future for your child.
Its only through acceptance, then you will be able to get inner peace for you and your child.

Its only through acceptance, then your child will have his/her standing in the society.

Accept and acknowledge is the way to happiness.

remember : We will never get over it, we just have to learn to deal with it.

to spank or not to spank?

Its been 2 weeks since the start of school holidays... and i have been pretty caught up with 2 little ones running here and there ransacking my stuffs, pouring toys out from the toybox and buckets, crying and fighting because of the toys...etc. Not that they dont do that when the holiday hasnt started.. but its worse since they have a whole day with each other now!! Fights even occur because of who gets to shower first!!! Oh my goodness..... who the heck started school holidays man!!!

And today, zyon started showing signs of him missing school... hahaha he took his schoolbag and placed it on the floor just staring at it. And he looked like he was thinking "hey, why am i not in school??" hahahah it was a classic look! 

Of cos i enjoy my kids with me the whole day but hey.. im only human and 2 at the same time sometimes drive me abit crazy!! lol! So, they were fighting again like every other day and today was quite bad. Snatching a small ping pong ball, zyon lost the ball to his baby sister and he got really mad, so he bit her really hard and zonya screamed so badly.... so i pulled zyon to me and said "mommy said no biting darling why dont u listen? Its wrong to bite! we must love each other and share! no fighting!!" And of cos i said the same thing to zonya.

I feel that as parents, we must always teach and remind the children to love each other and when 1 of them shows the wrong behaviour and actions, both of them would get punished. Thats my way of teaching. Some may not agree but hey haha its my kids so.... haha my way! LOL

So when zyon does something wrong and i punish him, i will say firmly to zonya that she musnt do the same thing and what is the consequence if she does it. When zonya does something wrong, i will say firmly to zyon that he musnt do the same and what the consequence is if he does it. And punishment will be the same. When they start fighting i will be like a spoiled radio saying "share! no fighting" over and over again. And if they dont stop, they both get punished. And of cos i scold.

I know theres been alot of reports about how you shouldnt scold or spank your kids as this will make them have depression, hurt their feelings whatsoever, but hey unless you are a parent yourself looking after your kids 24/7, you have no right to judge how other parents discipline their child. Having a helper/ maid in the house to help around be it with the children or the chores is always easier than doing it all by yourself... this is a fact. So if you are one of those parents who think that "hey you shouldnt scold, shouldnt spank its wrong...etc" then pls stop reading this. I dont need you to judge me.

I strongly believe, spare the rod , spoil the child. First, im a chinese. And my culture is different from foreigners. Of cos my scolding and spanking is not abuse.. if i scold, it will mean the tone of my voice is higher and louder. And if i spank it will mean i spank their butt because there is diaper, or ffor zyon's case i control the level of strength. I smack their hands too. And times when they have gone overboard i will use the cane. But i have only used the cane once on zyon's leg. That was it. The rest of the time i just hold it on my hand and becos of the first experience, he knows its painful he does things and follow instructions immediately. And you see my kids love me because even though i spank, they know i genuinely love them with all my heart and soul. I didnt create "monster mommy" in their lives, and they certainly are very attached to me with hugs and kisses. And just because zyon has a condition, i dont see why i shouldnt treat him like any nomal average kid. No differences and excuses would be given when it comes to behaviour and besides most of the time zyon is doing a good job, and i have given him alot of space before stepping in.

We teach with love, not drown the child with love.

I am a parent and of cos mommies like me likes to join those forums to talk about our kids and ask for advice and stuffs, i have seen how some mothers judging other mothers. They say things like "you shouldnt do this, you should ......... you shouldnt scold/yell/scream, you should..... you shouldnt spank, this is abuse..... " HELLO........ pls, if you are not a stay at home mom with no help then pls keep your opinions or judging to yourself. Mommies goes to forum and talk about the problems they are facing and destress to remind them that they are not alone, not for you to start lecturing them and whats worse, they dont even know you!

Some "experts" on children will tell you, if you spank your kids, they will learn and think that only violence will resolve the problem so they start going to school hitting other kids. Its not wong. Whats really crucial is, when you spank your child , pls dont forget to explain why you did that. And of cos i dont mean everytime your child does something wrong you should spank him or her, you must explain first, and if its not accepted, (im talking about kids 2 yrs - 6 years) he or she still dont listen then firm, (in my case i scold) and its still not accepted, then spank.  When they are of age whereby they can start explaining their reasons and actions, better!!!!! i dont think you even need to raise your voice anymore!! (when is it gonna be my turn??)

Im not afraid to admit, yes, i do spank my kids when necessary.To the parents who have been judged on the way you are teaching your own child ,as long as you are not abusing the child, dun be too affected about what ignorant people are saying about you. You are def doing a good job as a parent, dont doubt yourself.  To all the people who like to judge, i dont care about your opinion so........ run along now *shoo*

cheers!!