life's ups and downs moment..

Yesterday i was browsing my facebook page and there was no interesting "new facts", no lame videos about other people, no gossips of celebrities etc etc and i was just clicking away..*click click click*

Then i clicked on my photo albums and saw the categorized pictures of my kids thats been organized by their monthly growth.

I opened the files one by one and browsed picture by picture, looking at how much they have changed... especially zyon.

Zyon is my first born and naturally he has more photos than his sister. Each and every picture that i took of him has a different emotion. And each and every one of those pics are priceless. Pics of him growing up month by month, pics of him smiling and crying, eventually leading to being independant. The proud smiles on me and hub's face... etc. Then the pics now.

I know i shouldnt be feeling this but im a human after all. I didnt realize it but suddenly tears came rolling in my eyes. I asked myself,

"Just what happened in between then and now? The smiles, the eye contact he used to have.. where have they gone to?"

As im typing this now, the feelings are back. The negativity, the unacceptance even though im very clear on whats going on and the situation now. Its not that i have not accepted yet but i guess given to any mothers in the world, there must be once of twice in a couple of months you feel down and the sadness just clings on to you for that moment... Then its gone again.

I then updated my facebook on my feelings and thoughts... Then one of my closest friend said this to me :

me :

"Was looking at zyon's pics when he was a baby...... then started tearing... wanted to cry.... but.... i swallowed it back."

 

my friend:

"So this sweet 3-year old has to stick with his routine, makes his preferences very clear...sometimes deals with things and emotions differently, right? Maybe that's how some 3-year olds are...and some hv a diagnosis attached.

I guess today is just one of those days that hit you...why does your "normal" have to be so challenging, eh? Chin-up, Mama! It is ok to have such feelings and down days :)"

 

 

Im really grateful to have friends like that around me... and suddenly i felt stronger than before and more grateful towards life....

 

 

I love my baby boy and am thanking god i have him.... My kids complete me.

zoo then the croods!!!

Brought the kids to the zoo again!!! And this time round, we had the best time spent!!! Money well spent too!!! LOL

Went on a saturday and it sure was crowded (wow..) and the first station was the otters. Zyon stared at them like they were giant rats!!

"eeeeeeeee" was what he said. LOL

Then we went to see the white tigers, they were just lying down and not moving. My kids were like

"Roar roar roar"

But the big cats couldnt be bothered at all. Then we went to Kid'sworld and saw the small horses, rabbits and goats!!! We could actually feed the goats and so i pulled some leaves and started feeding the goats. Zyon and zonya was screaming the whole time cos the goats were really aggressive!! Then finally after much persuasion from the father and me, they plucked up whatever courage they had and tried to feed the hungry animals (while screaming).  After a while, they simply just enjoyed the process and decided they were just gonna feed the "hungry" goats all day... (-_-"')

After feeding, the goats were OS-ing in their hearts "these 2 little people have endless food to offer".

Anyways, we had to pull zyon and zonya away cos apparently "feeding" seems so fun they were there feeding for almost 45 mins!!!!! Man, the weather was a killer!! And i had to constantly pluck leaves just so my kids can feed my 10 mins worth of leaves in 5 seconds. *faints*

We were walking to our next stop and we saw the "Ah Meng's Restaurant" so i decided ok, its time to feed me and my family. So i got The father and the kids to sit down at the table while i go get the food. There were not much stalls in the food court, so i went straight to the chicken rice stall and ordered. 1 plate of chicken rice was 9.50. ('',) What the............. Well even though i really thought that the food was def not worth the money but we didnt have a choice. Either that or nothing. While eating, i told myself the next time im coming, i will pack food.

Continued our journey after lunch and dropped by the elephant's station. Usually the kids get really excited about the elephants so we were excited to show them the elephants. But when they saw the real deal, the word excitement didnt come out on their faces. Their faces were painted with the word "panick". LOL.

I couldnt stop laughing at their reaction, just staring blankly at the huge animal and not blinking at all. Then zonya said,

"(s)cared"

Lol, i said "dont have to be afraid la silly girl, its just an elephant!!" *making the trumpeting sound*

*zyon started making the trumpeting sound as well"

We stayed like a good whole 10 mins there then continued on to see other animals.

Having been to the zoo for so many times, this was the first time both my kids were wide awake and totally participating in "wow-ing, awe-ing" , didnt rain and no tantrums. It was really a good day for us. Now im so excited in wanting to organise trips like that every weekend.. haha .... im loving life!!!! When we were about to return to the exit, i got us all ice creams cos it was a really hot day, zonya and zyon each had one. The father then wanted to take out the wrapper of the ice cream for zonya but she mistook his actions thinking he was going to snatch her ice cream away and she started screaming. Even though the real deal was still in her hands, her eyes were on the wrapper and when the father took the wrapper she kept thinking it was her ice cream so she couldnt stop screaming. Seeing this the father returned the wrapper to her and when she took it back she stared at the paper and open her eyes wide and started screaming cos the ice cream wasnt in there!!! (duh~ the ice cream was in her hand the whole time) So she got mad and threw the wrapper on the floor and shake her head until we pushed her hand to show her the ice cream was there. Then in a second , she stopped and started eating. What a drama queen. Zyon was really sweet, we brought along the stroller just in case one of them decides they wanna sleep so we have something to back us up, he was quietly eating his ice cream and sharing it with me every now and then. Then he decided that its wet and sticky so he gave me the ice cream, sat in the stroller and pulled for my hand to feed him. What a clever boy dont need to dirty his own hands eh... I fed him till we both finished the magnum and he went "yay yay yay yay yay!!!" LOL

By the time we reached the exit, both of them fell asleep. ha........ seeing them sleeping after a long day, i was glad i brought them to the zoo.

When we finally got out of the zoo and headed back towards home me and the father were drained... tired to the max and sticky as well. We got home and it was almost time for dinner, so we decided since it was such a great day why not end it in a great way? We decided to bring the kids for dinner then to the movies.

Out we went , had a quick dinner and bought tics to "The croods"!!

When we were seated, they were thinking what was this place and when the screen started showing commercials they were both staring like,

"wow... what a BIG tv!!!!"

So very smoothly (thank goodness) we finished the movie!!!! And they loved the show!!! Apparently its really colorful and lotsa action!!

Tired but fruitful day!!! cant wait for another outing on weekends !

A solution finally!!

Hi all!!!!!! From my previous post talking about Zyon's early intervention program thats gonna start soon, i took the opportunity and spoke to my boss about the problem i am facing.

With my boss being a mother herself with 2 kids, each a year older than my 2 kids, she totally understand what are the problems i will be facing, so she came up with the idea that on the respective days when zyon has to go SPD, im allowed to work at home!! So that at least im there with zonya.

Seriously, i was really grateful when i heard this suggestion and i know i will def do all i can for the company from now on. Even though it was nothing big deal to some of you out there, but to me, its a big deal. Its like, the boss can ask me to resign or take unpaid leave, or work part time and salary wise negotiate again. But no. They trust me. They trust that i can still get things done and completed even if im at home. They trust that i needed this time to look after my daughter and not that im working on something else somewhere else. They wont touch on my salary and they will do whatever they can to give me raises and extra income should i require with jobs on the weekends.

Being human, i know some people (like my mum and husband) will think

"cos they dont wanna hire again and train again"
"cos they can then manipulate you"
"whatever they tell you to do you cant reject them, they are smart"

In a tone filled with negativity.

But honestly, as a human being, i didnt think of all these. These are negative thoughts. To me, i felt that the company is doing whatever they can for the benefit for both sides. And to have this bond called trust, you dont see them everywhere nowadays. The only thought i had when i heard the suggestion was

"im so grateful, thank you for your help"

Im not a saint, nor am i naive. Im just me. A person that knows how to be grateful and thankful. Nobody owes anybody anything. But knowing gratitude and being thankful makes the life easier and world a much beautiful place. Humans need to show more care towards each other and negativity just kills it all.

sometimes, sit back and think, maybe a thank you means nothing but words, however by saying thank you, shows you appreciate the person or their actions and it brings a smile to everyone's faces. Doesnt it sound good?

EIPIC program

Zyon went for his screening at SPD earlier this week, and the center assessed him, and decided on which class he is going to be allocate to and how many times a week he has to attend.

I know you must be thinking why not ARC right?

Initially, my first choice had always been ARC , and i wasnt wavered in anyway about changing that decision. Until i received a call a month later after our last appointment at KKH.  The caller was from CEL , his purpose in calling was to tell us more about the other options that we have and the purpose of CEL , the therapies in the different centers that provides EIPIC programs and the meaning of EIPIC.  You may already know, heard, found out about all the different kinds of therapies, help and about EIPIC, but its still part of the package that the caller has to repeat like it or not. But m really glad that the caller did his job even though he has to repeat and repeat himself calls after calls like a spoiled radio.

I always hung on to the decision of "no matter what happens or what i hear, the decision will be ARC". There have been too many times whereby i want something , get out to get it and come home with a different object. And coming to think abt it, this logic happens every single day to everyone at one point or another becos we all want something better. Regrets will come later. So i was determined that i will listen to this spoiled radio but my decision will be ARC. Im guilty cos honestly i really wasnt listening to whatever the caller was saying and i guess after saying the same things over n over again , he doesnt even know what he was talking about anymore. Our real conversation only started when he said and when i heard,

"The waiting time for ARC is 6months. " then continued "blah blah blahblah blah".

I stopped his blahing and rewinded , "wait,  6 months????? Oh dear ok what other alternatives do i have??"

Suddenly, the caller 'woke up' and came back to earth. And we started talking about the other options.

The reason why SPD was because its shorter in waiting time and even though its a new dept in terms of EIPIC program, they have the full set of therapists in terms of speech and occupational.  And ARC doesnt that those 2, we'll have to source elsewhere. So i decided based on these 2 facts its enough for me to have option 2 and not be too stubborn. I really hope we dont have to waste time waiting anymore.. its early intervention but by the time its finally our turn, its not early intervention anymore.

Ok, settled zy's EIPIC program issue, i thought i would have lesser worries, then comes another. While zy is in the class twice a week, the caregiver which is my husband has to be there but zonya is not allowed to be there.

OMG... how then?

Im working and hubs is with zy, who is gonna look after my little girl?? This i cant solve. Having the greatest headache cos apparently my family and relatives cant help.

So if u are reading this, drop me a solution if u have?? Thanks in advance !!!!

Cheers!

E for Eye

Im so happy and i couldnt wait to wanting to tell all of u out there what zyon "told" me.

YEAH U SAW THAT ALRIGHT, ZYON "TOLD" ME!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday night my little boy held,my hand and swung it back and front and so suddenly he stopped, looked at me in the eye and said,

"A b c d e" and points to his eye.

Get it??

E stands for Eye!!!!!!!!

Im so proud.... zyzy never fails to surprise mommy everytime..... #^_^ <3

Mommy is JEALOUS. Hmph.

Hey all!! As you can see my title, yep mommy is jealous. IM REALLY...... jealous... lol ...

Like i mentioned previously, now that im working and the father is a SAHD. Before we decided on this, i was really stressed to the max. Because to be honest, like many other mothers out there, for the kids to be with daddy???? Just seeing these seven words makes me feel like im watching a horror movie. I dont know how they are gonna spend the day, new bruises (signs of falling and knocks) and bumps will show cause daddies are just not as careful as mommies (which is a horrible fact). Another issue would be, im not there to witness the 1st of the other little things that they do... and it sucks. I witnessed their first steps, fed them their first foods, sent them to school on their first day etc etc, now that im working, i wont be able to be the first anymore..

So you see, there are so many things i have to think about and it really made me feel so worried!! if worries have mass, i think i will weigh a ton now.. tsk.

However, in my previous post, it seems the father is really doing a good job right? The kids are having a great time every single day playing in the playground that has somehow become a routine in their daily life. Its not that i dont bring them when i was a SAHM but because zyon is at an age and in a condition whereby he doesnt really understand fear and danger. So he tends to climb, jump ,run and do stunts that would make any mothers in the world scream in fear. And zonya is barely 2, sometimes i see her running, its like she's gonna fall any minute so for her to play the playground??? i must be crazy. Hence we seldom will go to the playground because i just dont have the confidence to make sure they wont fall or hurt themselves.

Let go.

I know i have to let go and let them learn how to play and train their motor skills but you know mothers, we tend to be really timid when it comes to kids having a chance that they might get hurt. Even if its 0.01% chance. So to me going to a playground with 2 young kids and myself is defintely a NO NO NO. But the father, he doesnt care.

Daddies are all about being adventurous. Daddies are all about letting them run like a horse that has just been freed. Daddies are all about, "huh? fall? wont la.. im watching them" and yes its true , all he ever does is "watch them" but not near, so when they fall, he "watch them" fall but cant get in time to catch them. To me is... WT...............

okok, im mean to make it sound like as though daddies really dont care. Let me put it in another way. Its not that he doesnt care, its just that daddies are not as :scaredy cat" as mommies. There does it sound better? Daddy thinks "you fell? pick yourself up la, it doesnt matter" so long they dont break any bones. Well , ok la to be fair, infact this helps alot. The kids learn faster. I cant agree more on its a really good way to raising healthy happy children. Not only in terms of physically, daddy talks like how a daddy should talk and not like me.. mommy is always a clown so the kids never takes me seriously even though im hopping mad. hm......

All the worries that i had previously was actually unnecessary. My kids didnt have any separation anxiety and still doesnt have now, they wave and kiss me good bye when i leave for work. you must be thinking what good and nice kids i have right? but i feel so hurt.

THEY CANT BE BOTHERED WHETHER OR NOT IM AT HOME LOR!!!!!

lol...

Nah, the fact is they are really having fun everyday la so im happy.

But hey, ya... IM SO JEALOUS!! daddy is so much more fun than me. plah!!!!!

a blog to share

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/mrbrown/turning-twelve-090136439.html#more-id


The above link is to a blog from mrbrown. I teared when i read this post, not becos its sad but its so so beautiful..... read it!!!!!